Overcome yes-but and the procrastination it causes
Stress for Success
June 27, 2006
If you want to be a successful procrastinator use the sure-fire technique, the yes-but. "Yes I know that I need to get that done, but not now." It works because it’s obvious what usually follows the but … nothing. "I'd love to apply for that job, but I'm probably not qualified." The yes indicates your interest in the job and the but is the excuse you need to put off trying to get it.
Are you a yes-buter? Dr. Arthur Freeman and Rose DeWolf, authors of The 10 Dumbest Mistakes Smart People Make, say a common reason you may procrastinate in uncomfortable situations is because you have a low tolerance for frustration. But since frustration is a fact of life you'll need to tolerate disagreeable circumstances better if you expect to overcome this very effective stalling practice.
Acknowledging the unpleasantness of your task can help. But don’t go overboard. If your self-talk exaggerates how distasteful the job is you’ll be right back into yes-but. Instead, consciously acknowledge the due date of your commitment and at minimum create a plan of action as described below.
Ultimately, to stop delaying you’ll need to change your yes-but to yes-and. Instead of, "I'd love to apply for that job, but I doubt I'm qualified", say "Yes, I'd love to apply for that job and I need to find out what the qualifications are." Yes-but gives you excuses. Yes-and shows you the steps you need to take.
"Delay is the deadliest form of denial," C. Northcote Parkinson said. So when you hear yourself use the yes-but as an excuse for procrastination immediately do the following:
• Write your project’s goal, e.g., "I want this job."
• Next, list all of the steps you’d need to take to get it, breaking them down
into bite-size pieces:
– Get the phone number for and call the organization for which you want to work
– Ask about the qualifications and if meet them get an application
– Fill out and send in the application
– Follow up with a phone call to the company
– Etc.
• Write down a deadline for each and every step.
• Then commit to each step, one by one. As Mao Tse-tung said, "The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step." Put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time.
If you’re unwilling to follow through with these steps, decrease your stress by admitting to yourself that you have no intention of looking for this and possibly other jobs. Being honest with yourself about it means you’re being conscious of your choices. “I choose to not pursue this job because I assume I’m not qualified.” Staying conscious increases the likelihood that one day you’ll make a different choice. Perhaps you’ll even pursue a job you fear you’re not qualified for by throwing caution to the wind and researching whether or not you are.
Get out of the nothing-can-be-done mode and instead focus on a starting point. Each time you hear yourself say yes-but stop yourself and instead say yes-and to see what the implied action steps are that you can begin right now! Then start your journey one step at a time.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. Her mission is to inspire people to live conscious lives of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Chronic procrastinators need to just start
Stress for Success
June 20, 2006
"Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they’re afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it’s much easier to procrastinate and live on the ‘someday I'll’ philosophy." Denis Waitley.
Or if you prefer Mark Twain's take on procrastination, he said, "Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow."
No matter how you look at it, procrastination is a frustrating habit. But since it’s a learned one it can be overcome. But nothing will change until you get conscious about your habits.
If you’re a professional procrastinator you need to become aware that when you say "later" you really don't mean it. Thousands of “laters” create thousands of opportunities lost. So when you say "later" follow up with, "Later to me actually means never. Do I really want to get this done or not?"
Also become very cognizant of your avoidance habits, which you’ve probably perfected to the point that you engage in them automatically and unconsciously whenever you face an unpleasant task. Keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions when you're delaying. Follow these steps:
• Choose something you’ve procrastinated on each day.
• Describe the activity you put off. Was it unpleasant, confusing, uncomfortable or threatening?
• Write what you were thinking and feeling when you began to delay, for instance, "I can’t concentrate enough right now." Continue to record what you say and/or what you do to prolong your postponement.
• What was your outcome?
• Ask yourself why you're avoiding action. Is it a legitimate reason or just an excuse? Also ask yourself, "What discomfort am I evading?" Usually your answer is based on some unfounded fear.
To get going try these ideas.
• Timothy A. Pychyl, of Ottawa's Carlton University, runs a procrastination research group and suggests, "Make a deal with yourself and follow the 10- minute rule.” Acknowledge your desire to procrastinate then do the task for 10 minutes anyway, to initiate, the hardest step for chronic procrastinators. After working on it for 10 minutes decide whether to continue. Once you're involved, it's easy to stay with the task.
• If you have something to do, do it now or schedule it. If it's not worth the amount of time it takes to schedule, it's not going to get done "later."
• For larger projects write out your goal and list each step you have to take to accomplish it. Schedule each step in your calendar.
• Invest your energy on the important and ignore the trivial.
• Don't demean yourself when you procrastinate because it diminishes your self-esteem so you’re more likely to continue procrastinating.
• Keep a next steps list for all projects; one of the best ideas I've ever learned. For major projects I'm working on I keep a next steps list with an estimate of how long it’ll take to accomplish each one. If I have 15 minutes I'll look over my lists for something I can get done in less than 15 minutes. This furthers your progress in bits and pieces, which is great for those who procrastinate.
• Put the task right in front of you to avoid “out of sight out of mind”.
• Public commitment: Tell someone what you’re working on and when you’ll have it finished.
• Reward yourself when you’ve completed it. Do something just for fun. Give yourself a mental complement.
For chronic procrastinators remember the most important thing to do is just start! So what are you waiting for?
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. Her mission is to inspire people to live conscious lives of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
June 20, 2006
"Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they’re afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it’s much easier to procrastinate and live on the ‘someday I'll’ philosophy." Denis Waitley.
Or if you prefer Mark Twain's take on procrastination, he said, "Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow."
No matter how you look at it, procrastination is a frustrating habit. But since it’s a learned one it can be overcome. But nothing will change until you get conscious about your habits.
If you’re a professional procrastinator you need to become aware that when you say "later" you really don't mean it. Thousands of “laters” create thousands of opportunities lost. So when you say "later" follow up with, "Later to me actually means never. Do I really want to get this done or not?"
Also become very cognizant of your avoidance habits, which you’ve probably perfected to the point that you engage in them automatically and unconsciously whenever you face an unpleasant task. Keep a journal of your thoughts and emotions when you're delaying. Follow these steps:
• Choose something you’ve procrastinated on each day.
• Describe the activity you put off. Was it unpleasant, confusing, uncomfortable or threatening?
• Write what you were thinking and feeling when you began to delay, for instance, "I can’t concentrate enough right now." Continue to record what you say and/or what you do to prolong your postponement.
• What was your outcome?
• Ask yourself why you're avoiding action. Is it a legitimate reason or just an excuse? Also ask yourself, "What discomfort am I evading?" Usually your answer is based on some unfounded fear.
To get going try these ideas.
• Timothy A. Pychyl, of Ottawa's Carlton University, runs a procrastination research group and suggests, "Make a deal with yourself and follow the 10- minute rule.” Acknowledge your desire to procrastinate then do the task for 10 minutes anyway, to initiate, the hardest step for chronic procrastinators. After working on it for 10 minutes decide whether to continue. Once you're involved, it's easy to stay with the task.
• If you have something to do, do it now or schedule it. If it's not worth the amount of time it takes to schedule, it's not going to get done "later."
• For larger projects write out your goal and list each step you have to take to accomplish it. Schedule each step in your calendar.
• Invest your energy on the important and ignore the trivial.
• Don't demean yourself when you procrastinate because it diminishes your self-esteem so you’re more likely to continue procrastinating.
• Keep a next steps list for all projects; one of the best ideas I've ever learned. For major projects I'm working on I keep a next steps list with an estimate of how long it’ll take to accomplish each one. If I have 15 minutes I'll look over my lists for something I can get done in less than 15 minutes. This furthers your progress in bits and pieces, which is great for those who procrastinate.
• Put the task right in front of you to avoid “out of sight out of mind”.
• Public commitment: Tell someone what you’re working on and when you’ll have it finished.
• Reward yourself when you’ve completed it. Do something just for fun. Give yourself a mental complement.
For chronic procrastinators remember the most important thing to do is just start! So what are you waiting for?
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. Her mission is to inspire people to live conscious lives of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Take Time to Overcome Procrastination
Stress for Success
June 13, 2006
Have you ever seen “a round to it”? My husband made one for me years ago. It’s round in shape with the words, “to it” encircled, meaning when I get around to it I’ll get it done.
Do you put off something time and again until you get "around to it"? Does this habit get you into trouble with co-workers or family members?
Putting off until tomorrow --- or until never --- destroys more human potential than anything else. Since everyone has the same amount of time, 24 hours a day, the difference between being a Martha Stewart and a dreamer with big plans is usually a great deal of procrastination. It’s set into motion when you put off doing something that you tell yourself you'll get around to it tomorrow, a tomorrow that may never arrive.
I’m not addressing here the normal overload most of us experience that can lead to occasional procrastination. I’m referring to those who turn procrastination into an art form; those who shelve too many things at home and at work until a later time that seems will be better for whatever reason they can summon. I’m talking about those people who can waste an hour to avoid tackling an unpleasant five-minute task.
Dr. Donald Caruth and Gail Handlogten-Caruth, authors of Managing Compensation, identified seven causes (excuses) of procrastination. Identifying your major cause is the first step in overcoming it.
• Fear of success: success requires responsibility and many avoid personal responsibility
• Fear of failure is too great a fear for some to face; if you don't try you cannot fail
• Low frustration level for something that is too difficult or too uncomfortable making procrastination a viable option
• Misplaced priorities; when you don't know what's most important you can’t know where to begin, you may choose easy things to do first putting off the more important
• Poor time estimating; underestimating how long something will take makes it easy to delay because you can fit it in tomorrow; or you put it off because you think it’ll take too long and you don't have enough time right now
• Lack of motivation is common when the anticipated payoff is too small or the effort to produce seems too large
• Perfectionism paralyzes many people into inaction; perfectionists often suffer analysis paralysis, continually needing more information before a decision can be made resulting in procrastination
Timothy A. Pychyl, a professor of psychology at Ottawa's Carlton University, runs a procrastination research group and studies purposive behavior. He suggests that there are two basic ways of functioning in life. The first is the action-oriented approach where moving from task to task is easy. The other is the state-oriented approach, where there is a lot of inertia and procrastination.
State-oriented people rate tasks more negatively; they experience greater uncertainty, boredom, frustration and guilt than do action-oriented people. Frustration seems to be at the core of their procrastination. But irritation is a fact of life. To overcome procrastination they'll need to learn to tolerate frustration better.
Procrastination is a learned habit so you can learn to replace it with better habits. Next week I'll present several ideas to help you get around to it with less stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
June 13, 2006
Have you ever seen “a round to it”? My husband made one for me years ago. It’s round in shape with the words, “to it” encircled, meaning when I get around to it I’ll get it done.
Do you put off something time and again until you get "around to it"? Does this habit get you into trouble with co-workers or family members?
Putting off until tomorrow --- or until never --- destroys more human potential than anything else. Since everyone has the same amount of time, 24 hours a day, the difference between being a Martha Stewart and a dreamer with big plans is usually a great deal of procrastination. It’s set into motion when you put off doing something that you tell yourself you'll get around to it tomorrow, a tomorrow that may never arrive.
I’m not addressing here the normal overload most of us experience that can lead to occasional procrastination. I’m referring to those who turn procrastination into an art form; those who shelve too many things at home and at work until a later time that seems will be better for whatever reason they can summon. I’m talking about those people who can waste an hour to avoid tackling an unpleasant five-minute task.
Dr. Donald Caruth and Gail Handlogten-Caruth, authors of Managing Compensation, identified seven causes (excuses) of procrastination. Identifying your major cause is the first step in overcoming it.
• Fear of success: success requires responsibility and many avoid personal responsibility
• Fear of failure is too great a fear for some to face; if you don't try you cannot fail
• Low frustration level for something that is too difficult or too uncomfortable making procrastination a viable option
• Misplaced priorities; when you don't know what's most important you can’t know where to begin, you may choose easy things to do first putting off the more important
• Poor time estimating; underestimating how long something will take makes it easy to delay because you can fit it in tomorrow; or you put it off because you think it’ll take too long and you don't have enough time right now
• Lack of motivation is common when the anticipated payoff is too small or the effort to produce seems too large
• Perfectionism paralyzes many people into inaction; perfectionists often suffer analysis paralysis, continually needing more information before a decision can be made resulting in procrastination
Timothy A. Pychyl, a professor of psychology at Ottawa's Carlton University, runs a procrastination research group and studies purposive behavior. He suggests that there are two basic ways of functioning in life. The first is the action-oriented approach where moving from task to task is easy. The other is the state-oriented approach, where there is a lot of inertia and procrastination.
State-oriented people rate tasks more negatively; they experience greater uncertainty, boredom, frustration and guilt than do action-oriented people. Frustration seems to be at the core of their procrastination. But irritation is a fact of life. To overcome procrastination they'll need to learn to tolerate frustration better.
Procrastination is a learned habit so you can learn to replace it with better habits. Next week I'll present several ideas to help you get around to it with less stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Communicate strong emotions honestly, when appropriate
Stress for Success
June 6, 2006
Communicating honestly about strong emotions is difficult for most of us. If you’ve buried your feelings over your lifetime you’ve probably built up a reservoir and may fear the consequences of ever letting it out. Yet by holding them in you’re perpetuating the status quo. In other words, you're part of the problem yourself.
But what’s the best way for you to express yourself emotionally?
1980s pop psychology encouraged the "let it all out" approach. Banging the table or stomping the floor would allow you to express your strong feelings without aggression toward another person. However this approach proved to be ineffective.
According to Emmons & Alberti, authors of Your Perfect Right, (the groundbreaking assertiveness book) more recent research suggests that expressing your emotions gives you only momentary relief. It's the “stored memory” of past and upsetting experiences that needs to be resolved to truly deal with the emotions they trigger.
We were also told that angry feelings get released through aggressive acts. However, the result of shouting obscenities, for instance, is that you simply learn to handle anger aggressively without solving the problem.
One of the least effective ways of expressing strong emotions is to talk to somebody who isn’t the person with whom you're upset. Venting about someone you're unhappy with can be helpful, but only if it leads to moving on or to problem solving. The trouble, however, is that the venting often turns into whining. I've written many times about how excessive whining leads to a state of victimhood. Complaining and blaming day after day after day develop into a helpless cycle making you a victim to the person who's upsetting to you, increasing your resentment and your stress.
Additionally, doing nothing to problem solve what triggers your anger is very bad for your health. Duke University research psychiatrist, Redford Williams, and his colleagues have identified a "hostility syndrome", a collection of attitudinal and behavioral traits, which predict heart disease with astonishing accuracy. They found three major factors in toxic anger:
• Cynical thoughts
• Angry feelings
• Aggressive behavior
Their conclusion is that chronic anger can be deadly. (Most of the research has been done on men and limited data on women show a similar pattern.)
Williams along with his wife, Virginia, offers a "Hostility Roadmap". Your answers to these questions can help you determine if it's worth your energy to be honest with someone about your anger.
• Is the matter worth my continued attention? How big a deal is it really?
• Am I justified? How right am I really?
• Do I have an effective response?
If you decide that you want to communicate honestly about your angry feelings:
• Accept personal responsibility for your own anger; don't make the other person the cause of it.
• Say something assertively without violating the rights of the person you address.
• Make your goal to resolve the problem vs. vent, get even or make the other person feel bad.
• Keep in mind that expressing your anger alone won’t resolve the problem. After assertively expressing yourself move quickly into problem-solving.
To have more honesty in your relationships it's important to communicate strong emotions, especially anger, when appropriate. Holding in your emotions simply extends and usually exacerbates the problem. If this remains very difficult for you, consult a counselor or take assertiveness training to develop the skills necessary for honestly expressing your emotions.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
June 6, 2006
Communicating honestly about strong emotions is difficult for most of us. If you’ve buried your feelings over your lifetime you’ve probably built up a reservoir and may fear the consequences of ever letting it out. Yet by holding them in you’re perpetuating the status quo. In other words, you're part of the problem yourself.
But what’s the best way for you to express yourself emotionally?
1980s pop psychology encouraged the "let it all out" approach. Banging the table or stomping the floor would allow you to express your strong feelings without aggression toward another person. However this approach proved to be ineffective.
According to Emmons & Alberti, authors of Your Perfect Right, (the groundbreaking assertiveness book) more recent research suggests that expressing your emotions gives you only momentary relief. It's the “stored memory” of past and upsetting experiences that needs to be resolved to truly deal with the emotions they trigger.
We were also told that angry feelings get released through aggressive acts. However, the result of shouting obscenities, for instance, is that you simply learn to handle anger aggressively without solving the problem.
One of the least effective ways of expressing strong emotions is to talk to somebody who isn’t the person with whom you're upset. Venting about someone you're unhappy with can be helpful, but only if it leads to moving on or to problem solving. The trouble, however, is that the venting often turns into whining. I've written many times about how excessive whining leads to a state of victimhood. Complaining and blaming day after day after day develop into a helpless cycle making you a victim to the person who's upsetting to you, increasing your resentment and your stress.
Additionally, doing nothing to problem solve what triggers your anger is very bad for your health. Duke University research psychiatrist, Redford Williams, and his colleagues have identified a "hostility syndrome", a collection of attitudinal and behavioral traits, which predict heart disease with astonishing accuracy. They found three major factors in toxic anger:
• Cynical thoughts
• Angry feelings
• Aggressive behavior
Their conclusion is that chronic anger can be deadly. (Most of the research has been done on men and limited data on women show a similar pattern.)
Williams along with his wife, Virginia, offers a "Hostility Roadmap". Your answers to these questions can help you determine if it's worth your energy to be honest with someone about your anger.
• Is the matter worth my continued attention? How big a deal is it really?
• Am I justified? How right am I really?
• Do I have an effective response?
If you decide that you want to communicate honestly about your angry feelings:
• Accept personal responsibility for your own anger; don't make the other person the cause of it.
• Say something assertively without violating the rights of the person you address.
• Make your goal to resolve the problem vs. vent, get even or make the other person feel bad.
• Keep in mind that expressing your anger alone won’t resolve the problem. After assertively expressing yourself move quickly into problem-solving.
To have more honesty in your relationships it's important to communicate strong emotions, especially anger, when appropriate. Holding in your emotions simply extends and usually exacerbates the problem. If this remains very difficult for you, consult a counselor or take assertiveness training to develop the skills necessary for honestly expressing your emotions.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Healthy relationships require honesty
Stress for Success
May 30, 2006
Your boss has a habit of wrapping criticisms of you into compliments. "You did a great job on that report. The grammatical errors made it seem folksy."
What do you do? Do you let it slide? Do you get defensive and snap back? Or do you state clearly and honestly your reaction to it?
Each and every day we make decisions about whether or not to be honest with others. Usually, being candid is very important to the health of relationships, although complete honesty may be harmful -- you don't have to tell someone he’s packing on a few pounds, for instance.
There are many benefits to honest relationships including attracting more trustworthy, open and supportive people according to Julian Rotter of the University of Connecticut. Less candid people tend to attract disloyal, unreliable, and evasive people.
So, if honesty in relationships is so healthy why don't we always tell the truth? Here are typical reasons people give:
• To avoid hurt feelings
• To not upset someone
• To make yourself look better
• It’s not worth your energy
• It would be embarrassing
Only you can decide whether or not to be honest with someone. When hesitant to speak the truth, ask yourself three questions to put the consequences of your honesty into perspective:
• What’s the worst that can happen?
• The best?
• The most likely?
In my example the worst might be that my boss fires me. The best might be that he’d be more direct with me. The most likely could be that he’d say he didn't know what I meant but might be less likely to disguise his criticisms in the future.
When someone’s treating you in an unacceptable fashion it's usually worth your effort to be frank. Think of this quote, "I train people how to treat me." Source unknown. In other words, you're partly responsible for the treatment you’re receiving. In the example above by allowing his putdowns you’ve trained him that it's OK to insult you in this passive-aggressive way.
The good news is you can train people to treat you differently, but you have to do something different. Consider being honest with him.
Use a great assertive technique, the Feedback Statement, which helps you say almost anything to almost anybody more effectively. It gets you to think before you speak in a problem-solving way. It has three steps:
1. Describe the situation you’re referring to
2. Say how you feel about it (if you want)
3. Say what you'd like to see done about it
"When you make comments like that I feel confused because it seems like you're actually criticizing me. I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me directly what you want me to change in my work."
If your boss has been criticizing this way for some time you’ll need to say something to him multiple times before he becomes more direct with you. And let's face it, some people will never change no matter how often you sincerely request the change.
Here are two additional thoughts to help you develop more honest relationships:
• Consciously identify your positive desired outcome before saying anything. In the above example, your goal is to ask your boss to be more straightforward. If you would’ve said, "You're insulting me when you say things like that", your goal may have been to make your boss look bad.
• Approach the person out of love versus fear. Not that you love your boss necessarily but differentiate between assuming the best of someone versus reacting defensively out of fear. Giving him the benefit of the doubt helps you communicate non-defensively, which generally means your message will be better received.
No one is honest in their relationships all of the time. You need to weigh the consequences of saying nothing against the most likely outcome of speaking up. To create healthier relationships it's in your best interest to be truthful far more often than not.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
May 30, 2006
Your boss has a habit of wrapping criticisms of you into compliments. "You did a great job on that report. The grammatical errors made it seem folksy."
What do you do? Do you let it slide? Do you get defensive and snap back? Or do you state clearly and honestly your reaction to it?
Each and every day we make decisions about whether or not to be honest with others. Usually, being candid is very important to the health of relationships, although complete honesty may be harmful -- you don't have to tell someone he’s packing on a few pounds, for instance.
There are many benefits to honest relationships including attracting more trustworthy, open and supportive people according to Julian Rotter of the University of Connecticut. Less candid people tend to attract disloyal, unreliable, and evasive people.
So, if honesty in relationships is so healthy why don't we always tell the truth? Here are typical reasons people give:
• To avoid hurt feelings
• To not upset someone
• To make yourself look better
• It’s not worth your energy
• It would be embarrassing
Only you can decide whether or not to be honest with someone. When hesitant to speak the truth, ask yourself three questions to put the consequences of your honesty into perspective:
• What’s the worst that can happen?
• The best?
• The most likely?
In my example the worst might be that my boss fires me. The best might be that he’d be more direct with me. The most likely could be that he’d say he didn't know what I meant but might be less likely to disguise his criticisms in the future.
When someone’s treating you in an unacceptable fashion it's usually worth your effort to be frank. Think of this quote, "I train people how to treat me." Source unknown. In other words, you're partly responsible for the treatment you’re receiving. In the example above by allowing his putdowns you’ve trained him that it's OK to insult you in this passive-aggressive way.
The good news is you can train people to treat you differently, but you have to do something different. Consider being honest with him.
Use a great assertive technique, the Feedback Statement, which helps you say almost anything to almost anybody more effectively. It gets you to think before you speak in a problem-solving way. It has three steps:
1. Describe the situation you’re referring to
2. Say how you feel about it (if you want)
3. Say what you'd like to see done about it
"When you make comments like that I feel confused because it seems like you're actually criticizing me. I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me directly what you want me to change in my work."
If your boss has been criticizing this way for some time you’ll need to say something to him multiple times before he becomes more direct with you. And let's face it, some people will never change no matter how often you sincerely request the change.
Here are two additional thoughts to help you develop more honest relationships:
• Consciously identify your positive desired outcome before saying anything. In the above example, your goal is to ask your boss to be more straightforward. If you would’ve said, "You're insulting me when you say things like that", your goal may have been to make your boss look bad.
• Approach the person out of love versus fear. Not that you love your boss necessarily but differentiate between assuming the best of someone versus reacting defensively out of fear. Giving him the benefit of the doubt helps you communicate non-defensively, which generally means your message will be better received.
No one is honest in their relationships all of the time. You need to weigh the consequences of saying nothing against the most likely outcome of speaking up. To create healthier relationships it's in your best interest to be truthful far more often than not.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Honesty begins with being truthful with yourself
Stress for Success
May 23, 2006
To develop honesty as a personal trait, doesn't it make sense that you have to begin by being truthful with yourself? Oftentimes, especially when you're doing something you're not particularly proud of, it's easier to deceive yourself. You could blame relationship problems on others or health problems on McDonald's. But you'll only sleep well when you have an honorable relationship with yourself.
To be straightforward with yourself you must live a conscious life, the opposite of living in denial. This means you have to become consciously aware of things you do. For purposes of this article I’ll focus on becoming more conscious of the bad habits you’ve developed. (You can apply this same concept, however, to becoming more aware of any behavior.)
It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so unconscious about their bad habits. If you’ve overeaten for the past 20 years and wonder why your back, knees, and ankles hurt, just step on the scale and see how much weight you've gained. I know many people who once they lose weight marvel at how much better their joints feel. Of course they feel better!
The same thing goes for any bad habit you indulge in too frequently. Too much smoking, drinking, drugs, sedentary lifestyle take their toll after a while --- unless you’re lucky enough to have incredibly resilient genes. (To be safe, assume that you don’t.)
Whenever you indulge in one of your bad habits, you probably remain unconscious about your behavior. This means you’re just reacting automatically without thinking; you’re not paying attention --- you’re just doing it.
To be conscious means that you need to observe yourself while you're doing whatever it is you want to become more aware of. If your bad habit is overeating whenever you're feeling down, observe your fixated-self as you go to the freezer and seize the tub of ice cream and snatch a spoon so you can scoop it down.
What was going on right before you indulged? Notice how you felt when it hit your system. Observe how you felt afterwards.
The information you gather, including how you feel emotionally before, during and after consuming your chosen tranquilizer, helps you become more conscious. You don't have to stop the bad habit. Just become consciously aware of what you're doing when you're doing it.
Another important step to living more consciously in your quest for greater self-honesty, is to notice when you’re criticizing yourself about your bad habit. Instead of criticizing, consciously tell yourself that you choose to continue this habit. This increases your sense of personal responsibility so you’re less likely to fall victim to your own automatic behavior, a helpless and very stressful state.
By repeatedly reminding yourself that you choose this unhealthy behavior someday hopefully you’ll think, "What am I doing? If I choose to do this I can also choose not to do it." Being cognizant of your choice is a necessary prerequisite to pave the way to making healthier choices.
To change any behavior in yourself that you're uncomfortable with, the first and foremost thing you need to do is to become conscious of it. You cannot change anything unless you’re mindful of what it is and when you're doing it. The more aware you become the harder it is to deceive yourself. Only when you're honest with yourself will you take personal responsibility and change.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
May 23, 2006
To develop honesty as a personal trait, doesn't it make sense that you have to begin by being truthful with yourself? Oftentimes, especially when you're doing something you're not particularly proud of, it's easier to deceive yourself. You could blame relationship problems on others or health problems on McDonald's. But you'll only sleep well when you have an honorable relationship with yourself.
To be straightforward with yourself you must live a conscious life, the opposite of living in denial. This means you have to become consciously aware of things you do. For purposes of this article I’ll focus on becoming more conscious of the bad habits you’ve developed. (You can apply this same concept, however, to becoming more aware of any behavior.)
It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so unconscious about their bad habits. If you’ve overeaten for the past 20 years and wonder why your back, knees, and ankles hurt, just step on the scale and see how much weight you've gained. I know many people who once they lose weight marvel at how much better their joints feel. Of course they feel better!
The same thing goes for any bad habit you indulge in too frequently. Too much smoking, drinking, drugs, sedentary lifestyle take their toll after a while --- unless you’re lucky enough to have incredibly resilient genes. (To be safe, assume that you don’t.)
Whenever you indulge in one of your bad habits, you probably remain unconscious about your behavior. This means you’re just reacting automatically without thinking; you’re not paying attention --- you’re just doing it.
To be conscious means that you need to observe yourself while you're doing whatever it is you want to become more aware of. If your bad habit is overeating whenever you're feeling down, observe your fixated-self as you go to the freezer and seize the tub of ice cream and snatch a spoon so you can scoop it down.
What was going on right before you indulged? Notice how you felt when it hit your system. Observe how you felt afterwards.
The information you gather, including how you feel emotionally before, during and after consuming your chosen tranquilizer, helps you become more conscious. You don't have to stop the bad habit. Just become consciously aware of what you're doing when you're doing it.
Another important step to living more consciously in your quest for greater self-honesty, is to notice when you’re criticizing yourself about your bad habit. Instead of criticizing, consciously tell yourself that you choose to continue this habit. This increases your sense of personal responsibility so you’re less likely to fall victim to your own automatic behavior, a helpless and very stressful state.
By repeatedly reminding yourself that you choose this unhealthy behavior someday hopefully you’ll think, "What am I doing? If I choose to do this I can also choose not to do it." Being cognizant of your choice is a necessary prerequisite to pave the way to making healthier choices.
To change any behavior in yourself that you're uncomfortable with, the first and foremost thing you need to do is to become conscious of it. You cannot change anything unless you’re mindful of what it is and when you're doing it. The more aware you become the harder it is to deceive yourself. Only when you're honest with yourself will you take personal responsibility and change.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Dishonesty causes stress
Stress for Success
May 16, 2006
My father used to say, "The only thing worse than a thief is a liar." To this day I find it incredibly difficult to lie. It has helped keep me on the straight and narrow all of my life.
Which is good because lying is stressful. That's why it shows up as physical changes on a lie detector test. Liars’ fight/flight reactions give them away.
There’s research that supports the idea that lying isn’t good for you.
• The University of Connecticut’s Julian Rotter “compared the social lives of habitually honest people with those who agreed with statements like, ‘You can't afford to be honest.’” Rotter discovered that “honest people tend to attract trustworthy, truthful, and supportive people into their lives. Less honest people tend to attract disloyal, unreliable, and evasive people.” Whom do you want to attract?
• In a survey of 425 mental health professionals, 96% thought that becoming more "open, genuine, and honest" was an essential requirement for mental health.
• James Pennebaker of Southern Methodist University found that people who habitually withhold information about themselves, especially dramatic events, are more susceptible to contagious diseases than people who are more open.
Up to 60% of people lie, with males lying two to three times more than females according to recent research. People lie mostly to duck trouble, to enhance their image, or to avoid hurting others.
Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts found:
• “Over 60% of students lied when introducing themselves to others. They made up fictitious information to make themselves look better, even though there was no benefit to the lie.”
• “People ‘shade the truth’ one to six times per hour in interactions. Gender differences show that women more often lie to protect others, while men lie to protect themselves (from The Truth About Lying, 2001).”
The Center for Academic Integrity research by Don McCabe, released in 2005, surveyed 50,000 college undergraduates from over 60 campuses.
• 70% of students acknowledged some cheating
• Almost one-quarter admitted to serious test cheating in the past year and one-half to one or more instances of serious cheating on written assignments
How do most of us justify our lying? Just like most criminals, we rationalize our lies. A Harvard researcher, A. Bandura, has identified common defenses people use for lying to avoid feeling guilty:
• Moral justification: "I stole to feed my family."
• Euphemistic labeling: "I just sort of borrowed it (vs. stole it)."
• Looking good by comparison: "I’m not nearly as bad as rich people who don’t pay all of their taxes."
• They made me do it: "He just kept pushing until I gave in."
• Denial of responsibility: "I just went along with the crowd."
• Denial of consequences: "My company is so huge they'll never notice the little things I pilfer."
• Dehumanization: "If they're dumb enough to buy swamp land in Florida I'll sell it to them."
• You (the victim) caused me to do it: "You shouldn't make me so mad."
To whom are you most likely to fudge the truth? What does your lie due to the health of that relationship? Why do you do it? After you’ve lied, how do you feel? What are the consequences of your lies? How do you justify them? Are little white lies harmful? I'll explore these and other questions in the coming weeks.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
May 16, 2006
My father used to say, "The only thing worse than a thief is a liar." To this day I find it incredibly difficult to lie. It has helped keep me on the straight and narrow all of my life.
Which is good because lying is stressful. That's why it shows up as physical changes on a lie detector test. Liars’ fight/flight reactions give them away.
There’s research that supports the idea that lying isn’t good for you.
• The University of Connecticut’s Julian Rotter “compared the social lives of habitually honest people with those who agreed with statements like, ‘You can't afford to be honest.’” Rotter discovered that “honest people tend to attract trustworthy, truthful, and supportive people into their lives. Less honest people tend to attract disloyal, unreliable, and evasive people.” Whom do you want to attract?
• In a survey of 425 mental health professionals, 96% thought that becoming more "open, genuine, and honest" was an essential requirement for mental health.
• James Pennebaker of Southern Methodist University found that people who habitually withhold information about themselves, especially dramatic events, are more susceptible to contagious diseases than people who are more open.
Up to 60% of people lie, with males lying two to three times more than females according to recent research. People lie mostly to duck trouble, to enhance their image, or to avoid hurting others.
Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts found:
• “Over 60% of students lied when introducing themselves to others. They made up fictitious information to make themselves look better, even though there was no benefit to the lie.”
• “People ‘shade the truth’ one to six times per hour in interactions. Gender differences show that women more often lie to protect others, while men lie to protect themselves (from The Truth About Lying, 2001).”
The Center for Academic Integrity research by Don McCabe, released in 2005, surveyed 50,000 college undergraduates from over 60 campuses.
• 70% of students acknowledged some cheating
• Almost one-quarter admitted to serious test cheating in the past year and one-half to one or more instances of serious cheating on written assignments
How do most of us justify our lying? Just like most criminals, we rationalize our lies. A Harvard researcher, A. Bandura, has identified common defenses people use for lying to avoid feeling guilty:
• Moral justification: "I stole to feed my family."
• Euphemistic labeling: "I just sort of borrowed it (vs. stole it)."
• Looking good by comparison: "I’m not nearly as bad as rich people who don’t pay all of their taxes."
• They made me do it: "He just kept pushing until I gave in."
• Denial of responsibility: "I just went along with the crowd."
• Denial of consequences: "My company is so huge they'll never notice the little things I pilfer."
• Dehumanization: "If they're dumb enough to buy swamp land in Florida I'll sell it to them."
• You (the victim) caused me to do it: "You shouldn't make me so mad."
To whom are you most likely to fudge the truth? What does your lie due to the health of that relationship? Why do you do it? After you’ve lied, how do you feel? What are the consequences of your lies? How do you justify them? Are little white lies harmful? I'll explore these and other questions in the coming weeks.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, May 08, 2006
If depressed, listen to yourself less and talk more
Stress for Success
May 9, 2006
Recently someone related a great quote to me that went something like this, “When depressed you need to listen to yourself less and talk to yourself more.” It's excellent and succinct advice.
This quote represents the heart of cognitive psychology, which tells us that what you think determines how you feel emotionally, which determines how you react, which brings about your outcomes. When you’re depressed it's because you're thinking depressed thoughts. If you want a different outcome you have to change what you're doing. To change what you're doing you must change what you're thinking.
When in the throes of depression you probably become consumed with your negative thinking. You pay very close attention to it and believe every word of it.
For example let's say your boss has criticized your work and you hear yourself think, "I’m such a loser. I can't believe I ever landed this job in the first place. I'm certainly not qualified. And now my boss knows it. I'm surprised it took her this long to figure it out. She'll fire me any day."
You probably don’t question the validity of what you're thinking so it doesn’t occur to you to challenge your thoughts. But that’s exactly what you need to do. Follow the quote’s advice; listen to yourself less and talk to yourself more by rationally challenging your negative thinking. In the above example, if you’ve never been reprimanded before you could say, "Wait a minute. I've worked here for over two years and this is the first time I've ever been reprimanded. I can't be that incompetent."
If you become easily depressed it probably means that you have repetitive, automatic and probably unconscious thoughts that you've said to yourself over your lifetime that are habitual reactions to specific situations. Examples include, "People must like me for my life to be good", or "I'm not worthy unless I'm perfect." They're not rational since it's unrealistic to expect everyone to like you and it’s impossible to be perfect.
When automatic thoughts are in control you ignore evidence that contradicts them. Since many things in life are unclear and can be interpreted in multiple ways, you choose to negatively interpret events so they agree with your disappointing automatic thoughts.
Develop the habit of challenging and ultimately changing your depressed thinking to rational thinking. Try this cognitive exercise for 20 minutes a day:
• Draw a line vertically down the middle of a piece of paper.
• Label the left side, "automatic thinking" and the right side, "rational thinking"
• Write your automatic and depressed thoughts on the left-hand side of your paper. After you've purged your thoughts challenge them on the right side as I did above.
Another trick to limit depressed interpretations is to identify one thing you’re grateful for in every negative situation. For example, you’re backed up in traffic making you late for work and grateful that your car hasn’t stalled. There's almost always something to be grateful for even in the most negative of situations.
Depressed perceptions sadly limit your options for resolving your situation. That’s why you need to talk to yourself more in a problem-solving way and listen to your negative thinking less. Don't expect to overcome depression over night. It takes time and some people may need to take anti-depressants to support this process. But the payoff is well worth the necessary and on-going effort.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
May 9, 2006
Recently someone related a great quote to me that went something like this, “When depressed you need to listen to yourself less and talk to yourself more.” It's excellent and succinct advice.
This quote represents the heart of cognitive psychology, which tells us that what you think determines how you feel emotionally, which determines how you react, which brings about your outcomes. When you’re depressed it's because you're thinking depressed thoughts. If you want a different outcome you have to change what you're doing. To change what you're doing you must change what you're thinking.
When in the throes of depression you probably become consumed with your negative thinking. You pay very close attention to it and believe every word of it.
For example let's say your boss has criticized your work and you hear yourself think, "I’m such a loser. I can't believe I ever landed this job in the first place. I'm certainly not qualified. And now my boss knows it. I'm surprised it took her this long to figure it out. She'll fire me any day."
You probably don’t question the validity of what you're thinking so it doesn’t occur to you to challenge your thoughts. But that’s exactly what you need to do. Follow the quote’s advice; listen to yourself less and talk to yourself more by rationally challenging your negative thinking. In the above example, if you’ve never been reprimanded before you could say, "Wait a minute. I've worked here for over two years and this is the first time I've ever been reprimanded. I can't be that incompetent."
If you become easily depressed it probably means that you have repetitive, automatic and probably unconscious thoughts that you've said to yourself over your lifetime that are habitual reactions to specific situations. Examples include, "People must like me for my life to be good", or "I'm not worthy unless I'm perfect." They're not rational since it's unrealistic to expect everyone to like you and it’s impossible to be perfect.
When automatic thoughts are in control you ignore evidence that contradicts them. Since many things in life are unclear and can be interpreted in multiple ways, you choose to negatively interpret events so they agree with your disappointing automatic thoughts.
Develop the habit of challenging and ultimately changing your depressed thinking to rational thinking. Try this cognitive exercise for 20 minutes a day:
• Draw a line vertically down the middle of a piece of paper.
• Label the left side, "automatic thinking" and the right side, "rational thinking"
• Write your automatic and depressed thoughts on the left-hand side of your paper. After you've purged your thoughts challenge them on the right side as I did above.
Another trick to limit depressed interpretations is to identify one thing you’re grateful for in every negative situation. For example, you’re backed up in traffic making you late for work and grateful that your car hasn’t stalled. There's almost always something to be grateful for even in the most negative of situations.
Depressed perceptions sadly limit your options for resolving your situation. That’s why you need to talk to yourself more in a problem-solving way and listen to your negative thinking less. Don't expect to overcome depression over night. It takes time and some people may need to take anti-depressants to support this process. But the payoff is well worth the necessary and on-going effort.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
To remain competitive hold on to your employees from all four generations
Stress for Success
May 2, 2006
Most forecasts regarding the future of the American workforce predict a severe skilled-labor shortage. You’ve heard the numbers by now: 76 million Baby Boomers retiring with only 51 million Xers to take their place. (Followed by the very large Generation Y.) Justin Heet, a research fellow at the Hudson Institute said, "(By) 2011, when Boomers begin to retire, we'll start to notice the tightness in the labor markets, and that's likely to become a pretty perpetual condition from here on out.”
Others say this is a myth because:
• People are working longer; AARP reports that 80% of Baby Boomers surveyed plan to work well into their 70s
• The number of Generation X college graduates compares favorably to Boomers
• Productivity increases historically have compensated for labor shortages
• Jobs will continue to be shipped overseas
These critics, however, suggest the same solutions as those who believe in the looming skilled-worker shortage: invest in the right technologies and retain older workers.
Time will tell how accurate the projections are. Hiring is a challenge right now, not to mention what it will be like in the future. Assume that as the workforce shrinks, recruitment and retention will become more critical to every organization's success. With Baby Boomers retiring to Florida we should have a large supply of those who want to work at least part-time.
To make your organization attractive you must look through each generation’s eyes to understand what motivates them to work for you. Then customize your approach to pretty much everything like Ernst & Young has. Their retention rates are at historic highs because they embrace flexibility for employees at all levels.
All generations are motivated by flexibility, so consider:
• Compressed workweek: 4,10-hour-days/week vs. the traditional five-day workweek to provide flexibility for personal/family responsibilities and to save on childcare and commute costs
• Flexible start and stop times that allow parents to drop off kids at school or to avoid rush-hour traffic
• Job-sharing is popular with some parents as well as with Boomers
• Working at home: telecommuting is growing in popularity, especially with today's gas prices. In 1999, only 18 of Fortune’s best companies to work for offered telecommuting. Today, 79 do.
• Vacation by the hour: this is especially good for hourly employees and for small businesses. Vacation time becomes a debit account to be deducted from so employees can also take care of personal responsibilities as needed. For example you could deduct 3 hours to take a child to a doctor's appointment and then return to work.
• Turn unused sick days into available hours to use for non-work responsibilities. Or, instead of sick days offer personal days to use as employees see fit, which appeals to Gen Xers who bristle at too much supervision of anything they do.
• Tailor your management style considering information from When Generations Collide, by Lancaster and Stillman:
√ “Veterans believe in the chain of command.
√ Boomers want to change command.
√ Gen Xers want self-command.
√ Gen Yers don’t want command, they want collaboration.”
• Supervisory training: you can’t afford supervisors with high staff turnover. Either train them in how to keep employees or replace them with supervisors who can.
• Elder-care education and benefits for Boomer caregivers
• Concierge services: long offered to executives, they help employees feel balanced, satisfied and appreciated; services like carry-out dinners sold at work, on-site laundry, etc.
There are so many ideas that can help you recruit and retain the best. What can you offer employees? If you don't know, ask them. Research your competitors to see what accommodations they’re making. Start small if you like by making changes on a trial vs. a permanent basis.
Look through each generation’s eyes and tailor what you offer to meet their needs. The sooner you start the fewer staffing problems you'll have.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
May 2, 2006
Most forecasts regarding the future of the American workforce predict a severe skilled-labor shortage. You’ve heard the numbers by now: 76 million Baby Boomers retiring with only 51 million Xers to take their place. (Followed by the very large Generation Y.) Justin Heet, a research fellow at the Hudson Institute said, "(By) 2011, when Boomers begin to retire, we'll start to notice the tightness in the labor markets, and that's likely to become a pretty perpetual condition from here on out.”
Others say this is a myth because:
• People are working longer; AARP reports that 80% of Baby Boomers surveyed plan to work well into their 70s
• The number of Generation X college graduates compares favorably to Boomers
• Productivity increases historically have compensated for labor shortages
• Jobs will continue to be shipped overseas
These critics, however, suggest the same solutions as those who believe in the looming skilled-worker shortage: invest in the right technologies and retain older workers.
Time will tell how accurate the projections are. Hiring is a challenge right now, not to mention what it will be like in the future. Assume that as the workforce shrinks, recruitment and retention will become more critical to every organization's success. With Baby Boomers retiring to Florida we should have a large supply of those who want to work at least part-time.
To make your organization attractive you must look through each generation’s eyes to understand what motivates them to work for you. Then customize your approach to pretty much everything like Ernst & Young has. Their retention rates are at historic highs because they embrace flexibility for employees at all levels.
All generations are motivated by flexibility, so consider:
• Compressed workweek: 4,10-hour-days/week vs. the traditional five-day workweek to provide flexibility for personal/family responsibilities and to save on childcare and commute costs
• Flexible start and stop times that allow parents to drop off kids at school or to avoid rush-hour traffic
• Job-sharing is popular with some parents as well as with Boomers
• Working at home: telecommuting is growing in popularity, especially with today's gas prices. In 1999, only 18 of Fortune’s best companies to work for offered telecommuting. Today, 79 do.
• Vacation by the hour: this is especially good for hourly employees and for small businesses. Vacation time becomes a debit account to be deducted from so employees can also take care of personal responsibilities as needed. For example you could deduct 3 hours to take a child to a doctor's appointment and then return to work.
• Turn unused sick days into available hours to use for non-work responsibilities. Or, instead of sick days offer personal days to use as employees see fit, which appeals to Gen Xers who bristle at too much supervision of anything they do.
• Tailor your management style considering information from When Generations Collide, by Lancaster and Stillman:
√ “Veterans believe in the chain of command.
√ Boomers want to change command.
√ Gen Xers want self-command.
√ Gen Yers don’t want command, they want collaboration.”
• Supervisory training: you can’t afford supervisors with high staff turnover. Either train them in how to keep employees or replace them with supervisors who can.
• Elder-care education and benefits for Boomer caregivers
• Concierge services: long offered to executives, they help employees feel balanced, satisfied and appreciated; services like carry-out dinners sold at work, on-site laundry, etc.
There are so many ideas that can help you recruit and retain the best. What can you offer employees? If you don't know, ask them. Research your competitors to see what accommodations they’re making. Start small if you like by making changes on a trial vs. a permanent basis.
Look through each generation’s eyes and tailor what you offer to meet their needs. The sooner you start the fewer staffing problems you'll have.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Invent new ways to interact with Generation Y to get their interest
Stress for Success
April 25, 2006
The fourth and final generation in today's workplace that I’m writing about is the large (68 million strong) Generation Y (aka Nexters and Millennials). The birth years I use for this group are 1981 to 2000, making them 6 to 25 years old this year. It’s too early to know if the predictions about them will pan out but this is what researchers foresee.
Gen Yers are more like their Veteran grandparents --- more stable and moral than recent generations. They’ve had fewer teen pregnancies, abortions, drunk driving incidents along with a dramatic decrease in adolescent violent crime. The US Bureau of Juvenile Statistics reports that the violent crime rate among 12 - 17-year-olds has fallen to pre-1988 levels. They even like and respect their parents! 9/11 galvanized Yers’ patriotism and recent corporate fraud their concern for ethical business practices.
Unlike the unsupervised Generation X, this generation is over-managed by their Boomer and Xer soccer parents. These “helicopter parents” are known to swoop in to negotiate their child's grades in school or salary in a new job. The booming economy of the 1990s allowed these parents to pay for a relatively privileged lifestyle, which included every possible class in which their little Yer expressed an interest.
Yers have interacted with technology since they were old enough to reach a keyboard; it’s second nature to them. They’re the first generation to have more marketable skills than their parents. Due to technology immersion their thinking pattern is different. Historically we’ve been linear thinkers going from point A to B to C. Yers move randomly between points and eventually draw conclusions. This allows faster processing and greater absorption of information along with an even greater multi-tasking capability than Gen Xers have. They’re arguably the most intelligent generation ever.
They communicate electronically on multiple levels simultaneously, which is unprecedented. Interactivity is key to their expectations in dealing with everything from technology to classroom learning to employment. Without it you won’t hold their attention.
They’ve participated in more family decisions so it doesn’t occur to them to hold back their ideas in the workplace. An older supervisor may be shocked and even insulted when a new Gen Y employee tells him how to improve a project.
Not all has been a bed of roses for this generation, however. They’re the first to be less healthy than their parents due to greater inactivity, consumption of more processed foods, and greater pollution and stress. They have rising rates of diabetes and other obesity and sedentary lifestyle related diseases. Generation Y has been medicated from an early age so hasn’t developed the coping skills possessed by older generations.
They also grew up when terrorism and violence took on lives of their own. The Oklahoma City bombing, 9/11, and school shootings influenced them deeply. Workplace safety is their #1 concern.
In spite of these events, they remain optimistic. This is the most cause-oriented generation since the Boomers. Record numbers of them work for social causes. Perhaps curbing violence will be theirs.
To motivate them to work for you offer:
• Challenging and meaningful work that makes a positive impact
• Collaborative work with teams
• Cutting edge technology
• Supportive supervision without dictatorial overtones
• Mentoring and coaching
• Programs to encourage better nutrition, lifestyle habits and disease-specific counseling or you’ll feel the pinch in future years when insurance and disability rates go through the roof
• Freedom from gender-role expectations
• Involvement in decision-making where possible
• Respect; treat them like adults
Now that we’ve taken a brief look at the four generations and the historic events that helped shape each, next week I’ll recap and emphasize what employers need to consider regarding recruitment and retention of all four generations.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 25, 2006
The fourth and final generation in today's workplace that I’m writing about is the large (68 million strong) Generation Y (aka Nexters and Millennials). The birth years I use for this group are 1981 to 2000, making them 6 to 25 years old this year. It’s too early to know if the predictions about them will pan out but this is what researchers foresee.
Gen Yers are more like their Veteran grandparents --- more stable and moral than recent generations. They’ve had fewer teen pregnancies, abortions, drunk driving incidents along with a dramatic decrease in adolescent violent crime. The US Bureau of Juvenile Statistics reports that the violent crime rate among 12 - 17-year-olds has fallen to pre-1988 levels. They even like and respect their parents! 9/11 galvanized Yers’ patriotism and recent corporate fraud their concern for ethical business practices.
Unlike the unsupervised Generation X, this generation is over-managed by their Boomer and Xer soccer parents. These “helicopter parents” are known to swoop in to negotiate their child's grades in school or salary in a new job. The booming economy of the 1990s allowed these parents to pay for a relatively privileged lifestyle, which included every possible class in which their little Yer expressed an interest.
Yers have interacted with technology since they were old enough to reach a keyboard; it’s second nature to them. They’re the first generation to have more marketable skills than their parents. Due to technology immersion their thinking pattern is different. Historically we’ve been linear thinkers going from point A to B to C. Yers move randomly between points and eventually draw conclusions. This allows faster processing and greater absorption of information along with an even greater multi-tasking capability than Gen Xers have. They’re arguably the most intelligent generation ever.
They communicate electronically on multiple levels simultaneously, which is unprecedented. Interactivity is key to their expectations in dealing with everything from technology to classroom learning to employment. Without it you won’t hold their attention.
They’ve participated in more family decisions so it doesn’t occur to them to hold back their ideas in the workplace. An older supervisor may be shocked and even insulted when a new Gen Y employee tells him how to improve a project.
Not all has been a bed of roses for this generation, however. They’re the first to be less healthy than their parents due to greater inactivity, consumption of more processed foods, and greater pollution and stress. They have rising rates of diabetes and other obesity and sedentary lifestyle related diseases. Generation Y has been medicated from an early age so hasn’t developed the coping skills possessed by older generations.
They also grew up when terrorism and violence took on lives of their own. The Oklahoma City bombing, 9/11, and school shootings influenced them deeply. Workplace safety is their #1 concern.
In spite of these events, they remain optimistic. This is the most cause-oriented generation since the Boomers. Record numbers of them work for social causes. Perhaps curbing violence will be theirs.
To motivate them to work for you offer:
• Challenging and meaningful work that makes a positive impact
• Collaborative work with teams
• Cutting edge technology
• Supportive supervision without dictatorial overtones
• Mentoring and coaching
• Programs to encourage better nutrition, lifestyle habits and disease-specific counseling or you’ll feel the pinch in future years when insurance and disability rates go through the roof
• Freedom from gender-role expectations
• Involvement in decision-making where possible
• Respect; treat them like adults
Now that we’ve taken a brief look at the four generations and the historic events that helped shape each, next week I’ll recap and emphasize what employers need to consider regarding recruitment and retention of all four generations.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Recruit and retain Generation X, the most misunderstood generation
Stress for Success
April 18, 2006
Employers are faced with 76 million Baby Boomers nearing retirement with only 51 million Gen Xers to take their place, making for an incredibly tight labor market. Creating a desirable workplace now for this and the other generations gives you a recruitment and retention advantage. But first you must understand each generation, which is what this series is about.
I developed the most empathy for Generation X (born between 1961 – 1980, making them 26 – 45 years old) when researching how historic events shaped each generation's values. Xers have been labeled disloyal slackers. However, when you consider the times in which they grew up I think you’ll empathize with this misunderstood generation.
Gen X, a.k.a. latchkey kids, was the most unsupervised generation. Xers learned to be very independent. Their routine was to go directly home after school and call their mothers immediately, then get their homework done and clean up the kitchen so their exhausted parents could get dinner started upon arriving home. So many were kids of divorce that they developed a cynicism about marriage, looking to friends and to themselves for security.
There was plenty to be pessimistic about in the larger world too. They saw the U. S. fail militarily (Vietnam), politically (Watergate), diplomatically (Iran hostage situation), and economically (Japan on the rise). Terrorism was increasing, the Stock Market took a serious dive and police brutality was pumped over the airwaves.
They were the first generation to be told that they’d be less financially secure than their parents due to the 1980s economic downturn. To add insult to injury, when they graduated from college they were lucky to get a job flipping burgers. In fact, theirs was the McJob generation.
The big invention that influenced them was the computer. Gen Xers learned how to use new technology on their own giving them a greater understanding of it. The increased visual stimulation from computer and video games increased their brains’ neural connections leading researchers to notice that they’re better at multi-tasking --- and getting bored more easily.
Many Xers are disillusioned with the workplace. Older workers see them as disloyal while they see themselves as practical. After watching their workaholic parents laid off by the millions in the 1980s, Gen Xers decided they’d work to live not vice versa. Balance and flexibility became valued. Their loyalty was to their résumés and developing marketable skills.
This was the best-educated generation in the workforce. They want to be listened to and treated as equals. They’re frustrated with Boomers’ need to endlessly process information, the glacial rate of organizational change, being underutilized and the lack of enough learning and advancement opportunities.
Due to their propensity for boredom they may quickly move on to another job. Xers in their 20s change jobs every 1.1 year!
They say what’s most important to them in the workplace are:
• Quality relationships with managers and coworkers
• Interesting work that stimulates and
• Helps them build marketable skills
• Continuous learning
Whereas the baby boom generation was very motivated by money and status most Gen Xers aren’t. Status was listed at the bottom of what motivates them with salary the third least important. They don't want the corner office they want flexibility, more independence in getting the work done, and life balance.
To be competitive in recruitment and retention of Gen Xers:
• Create more coaching relationships with boomers to groom Xers as leaders
• Include them in strategic planning to help satisfy their top three work priorities
• To alleviate boredom give them more variety of work
• Poll them to discern their main issues
• Offer flex time, telecommuting, job sharing, on-site childcare or childcare subsidy
• Don’t micromanage this independent group
• Increase collaborative and decrease competitive work environment
• Offer management training to supervisors with high employee turnover
Next week we’ll look at the youngest generation at work, Generation Y.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 18, 2006
Employers are faced with 76 million Baby Boomers nearing retirement with only 51 million Gen Xers to take their place, making for an incredibly tight labor market. Creating a desirable workplace now for this and the other generations gives you a recruitment and retention advantage. But first you must understand each generation, which is what this series is about.
I developed the most empathy for Generation X (born between 1961 – 1980, making them 26 – 45 years old) when researching how historic events shaped each generation's values. Xers have been labeled disloyal slackers. However, when you consider the times in which they grew up I think you’ll empathize with this misunderstood generation.
Gen X, a.k.a. latchkey kids, was the most unsupervised generation. Xers learned to be very independent. Their routine was to go directly home after school and call their mothers immediately, then get their homework done and clean up the kitchen so their exhausted parents could get dinner started upon arriving home. So many were kids of divorce that they developed a cynicism about marriage, looking to friends and to themselves for security.
There was plenty to be pessimistic about in the larger world too. They saw the U. S. fail militarily (Vietnam), politically (Watergate), diplomatically (Iran hostage situation), and economically (Japan on the rise). Terrorism was increasing, the Stock Market took a serious dive and police brutality was pumped over the airwaves.
They were the first generation to be told that they’d be less financially secure than their parents due to the 1980s economic downturn. To add insult to injury, when they graduated from college they were lucky to get a job flipping burgers. In fact, theirs was the McJob generation.
The big invention that influenced them was the computer. Gen Xers learned how to use new technology on their own giving them a greater understanding of it. The increased visual stimulation from computer and video games increased their brains’ neural connections leading researchers to notice that they’re better at multi-tasking --- and getting bored more easily.
Many Xers are disillusioned with the workplace. Older workers see them as disloyal while they see themselves as practical. After watching their workaholic parents laid off by the millions in the 1980s, Gen Xers decided they’d work to live not vice versa. Balance and flexibility became valued. Their loyalty was to their résumés and developing marketable skills.
This was the best-educated generation in the workforce. They want to be listened to and treated as equals. They’re frustrated with Boomers’ need to endlessly process information, the glacial rate of organizational change, being underutilized and the lack of enough learning and advancement opportunities.
Due to their propensity for boredom they may quickly move on to another job. Xers in their 20s change jobs every 1.1 year!
They say what’s most important to them in the workplace are:
• Quality relationships with managers and coworkers
• Interesting work that stimulates and
• Helps them build marketable skills
• Continuous learning
Whereas the baby boom generation was very motivated by money and status most Gen Xers aren’t. Status was listed at the bottom of what motivates them with salary the third least important. They don't want the corner office they want flexibility, more independence in getting the work done, and life balance.
To be competitive in recruitment and retention of Gen Xers:
• Create more coaching relationships with boomers to groom Xers as leaders
• Include them in strategic planning to help satisfy their top three work priorities
• To alleviate boredom give them more variety of work
• Poll them to discern their main issues
• Offer flex time, telecommuting, job sharing, on-site childcare or childcare subsidy
• Don’t micromanage this independent group
• Increase collaborative and decrease competitive work environment
• Offer management training to supervisors with high employee turnover
Next week we’ll look at the youngest generation at work, Generation Y.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Motivate Baby Boomers to keep them in the workplace longer
Stress for Success
April 11, 2006
Last week I gave a thumbnail sketch of the oldest generation in today's workplace, the Veterans. This week we’ll consider the next generation, the Baby Boomers, the largest of all time. The birth years I use for this generation are 1943 to 1960, making boomers 46 to 63 years old this year. Through their 76 million the U. S. population had its first expansion in 200 years.
Unlike the vets, the boomers grew up in times that were far more optimistic. With the war and the economic hard times behind her, America was on the move. Sure, there was the Iron Curtain with its ubiquitous threat of nuclear annihilation, but America was ahead of the communists. Anything seemed possible, like beating the Soviets to the moon.
Life was still pretty simple. Many didn’t lock their doors at night. Families gathered around not the radio but the TV watching I Love Lucy. The homemaker mother and employed father both worked hard to make sure their kids had more than they had. They doted on their little boomers and told them they could be anything they wanted to be.
Boomers’ sheer numbers demanded attention. They became known as the "me generation" with their legendary quest for personal and immediate gratification.
As with all generations, the boomers thought they invented rebellion. And rebel they did.
The events of the tumultuous 1960s were brought into livings room across America by TV: the Vietnam War with its deadly, daily body count and related upheavals like the anti-war demonstrations, three assassinations, violence surrounding the 1968 Democratic Convention and the Kent State killings. If this weren't enough there was also the civil rights movement unfolding with its own marches and race riots.
Many boomers became very active in the movements of their day and distrustful of authority (“don’t trust anyone over 30”) for the mess they’d made of the world. Life should be fairer and their world wasn’t fair.
The most stunning social change was “the pill”. With reliable birth control women marched into the workplace and educational institutions in huge numbers. Their expectations for equality expanded and the Women’s Liberation (or as my brother calls it, the women’s lip) Movement was reborn.
The motto for this generation became, "drugs sex and rock 'n roll". The sexual revolution and the drug culture were born. Woodstock was a symbol.
The 1970s brought great cynicism in politicians over Vietnam and Watergate leaving younger boomers less optimistic and cause-oriented. They’re more like the next generation, the skeptical Gen Xers.
Because it's such a huge generation, boomers have always had to compete with each other for everything so possessions and visible status symbols are prized. It’s also why there are so many workaholics among them and why they have conflicts with those who don't take their work seriously and aren't willing to put in the extra hours.
Given how boomers grew up it makes sense that they value optimism, service, consensus and teamwork. Health, wellness and personal and spiritual development through lifelong learning are also important. Even though historically over-achievers, life balance is becoming increasingly vital.
To alleviate some of the employee shortage problems, encourage boomers to put off full retirement by:
• Creating relationships with them in a personable and casual workplace that is fun, warm and humane
• Helping satisfy their need for personal gratification and financial security by offering benefits that allow them to have greater balance and also earn enough to maintain their cherished lifestyle into retirement
• Involving them in problem-solving, which is their forte
• Offering visible rewards that imply status, such as public recognition and visibility as star performers within the organization
Next week we’ll look at Gen X, the most misunderstood generation.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 11, 2006
Last week I gave a thumbnail sketch of the oldest generation in today's workplace, the Veterans. This week we’ll consider the next generation, the Baby Boomers, the largest of all time. The birth years I use for this generation are 1943 to 1960, making boomers 46 to 63 years old this year. Through their 76 million the U. S. population had its first expansion in 200 years.
Unlike the vets, the boomers grew up in times that were far more optimistic. With the war and the economic hard times behind her, America was on the move. Sure, there was the Iron Curtain with its ubiquitous threat of nuclear annihilation, but America was ahead of the communists. Anything seemed possible, like beating the Soviets to the moon.
Life was still pretty simple. Many didn’t lock their doors at night. Families gathered around not the radio but the TV watching I Love Lucy. The homemaker mother and employed father both worked hard to make sure their kids had more than they had. They doted on their little boomers and told them they could be anything they wanted to be.
Boomers’ sheer numbers demanded attention. They became known as the "me generation" with their legendary quest for personal and immediate gratification.
As with all generations, the boomers thought they invented rebellion. And rebel they did.
The events of the tumultuous 1960s were brought into livings room across America by TV: the Vietnam War with its deadly, daily body count and related upheavals like the anti-war demonstrations, three assassinations, violence surrounding the 1968 Democratic Convention and the Kent State killings. If this weren't enough there was also the civil rights movement unfolding with its own marches and race riots.
Many boomers became very active in the movements of their day and distrustful of authority (“don’t trust anyone over 30”) for the mess they’d made of the world. Life should be fairer and their world wasn’t fair.
The most stunning social change was “the pill”. With reliable birth control women marched into the workplace and educational institutions in huge numbers. Their expectations for equality expanded and the Women’s Liberation (or as my brother calls it, the women’s lip) Movement was reborn.
The motto for this generation became, "drugs sex and rock 'n roll". The sexual revolution and the drug culture were born. Woodstock was a symbol.
The 1970s brought great cynicism in politicians over Vietnam and Watergate leaving younger boomers less optimistic and cause-oriented. They’re more like the next generation, the skeptical Gen Xers.
Because it's such a huge generation, boomers have always had to compete with each other for everything so possessions and visible status symbols are prized. It’s also why there are so many workaholics among them and why they have conflicts with those who don't take their work seriously and aren't willing to put in the extra hours.
Given how boomers grew up it makes sense that they value optimism, service, consensus and teamwork. Health, wellness and personal and spiritual development through lifelong learning are also important. Even though historically over-achievers, life balance is becoming increasingly vital.
To alleviate some of the employee shortage problems, encourage boomers to put off full retirement by:
• Creating relationships with them in a personable and casual workplace that is fun, warm and humane
• Helping satisfy their need for personal gratification and financial security by offering benefits that allow them to have greater balance and also earn enough to maintain their cherished lifestyle into retirement
• Involving them in problem-solving, which is their forte
• Offering visible rewards that imply status, such as public recognition and visibility as star performers within the organization
Next week we’ll look at Gen X, the most misunderstood generation.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Employers should hang on to their older workers
Stress for Success
April 4, 2006
Studying the four American generations is fascinating. By sharing my research with you about each generation hopefully you’ll be able to minimize intergenerational conflicts at work and at home through greater understanding.
We’ll look at what are called Group Tendencies, which explain how some but not all in a given group share tendencies due to forces influencing that group. Group Tendencies can help you understand someone better as long as you don’t assume a specific tendency applies to everyone in that group, which would be a stereotype.
We’ll start with the oldest generation in the workplace today, the Veterans, born between 1922 and 1942. This year they turn 64 to 84. (Different researchers use slightly different birth years. I’ve chosen these because they make more sense to me.)
Veterans grew up when life was simpler, more personal and much less high-tech. More people lived in smaller, rural towns than today. Milk was delivered to most homes (with that thick crème on the top). Families gathered around the radio for popular shows like The Shadow.
They lived through the hard times of the Stock Market crash, the Depression, the Dust Bowl, and World War II and developed frugal habits to survive. “Waste not want not”, and “Turn off the lights” were heard in homes of this generation and beyond. They lived with significant scarcity; even bread lines for some.
In order to make it through these meager times they had to put aside individual needs and work for the common good, which allowed them to accomplish amazing things. They won the war and then rebuilt our nation and its economy and contributed greatly to the recovery of Europe and beyond. Victorious soldiers came home and got an education through the G. I. Bill. Rosie the Riveter returned home to raise a family.
This generation proceeded to build the foundation for the American dream. Patriotism was high. Honor, hard work and loyalty were their values.
By partnering with large government and corporate institutions they learned that great things could be accomplished by working toward common goals with tried and true methods. There was a growing sense that Americans could do almost anything. Everyone can profit if you have good leadership and a dedicated workforce to carry out the big plans. This generation had great respect for authority because it worked for them.
Their work ethic is epic; "an honest day's work for an honest day's pay", "duty before pleasure", live by the rules, work hard and eventually it will all pay off. That’s why Veterans oftentimes don't understand why younger people rebel against paying their dues and climbing the corporate ladder in an orderly and prescribed fashion. They also don't understand younger employees’ "lack of loyalty" to an employer.
Given Florida’s incredibly low unemployment rate and the predicted looming employee shortage employers would be wise to keep Veterans working as long as possible. To hold onto these valuable employees:
• Offer benefits like retirement plans, insurance, etc., that would add to Veterans’ financial security
• Offer flexibility so they can also pursue their retirement dreams
• Relationships are important so use personal vs. electronic communication as much as possible, be polite with "please" and "thank you", and speak to family, patriotism and traditional values
• Seek out their experience, knowledge and what has and hasn't worked in the past
What manager wouldn’t want all their employees to have the work ethic of this generation? They’re unbelievably reliable and hard working. With their accumulated wisdom they can also offer great historic understanding of an organization or industry in which they’ve worked a lifetime. It would be a shame to lose this.
Next week we’ll consider the biggest American generation of all time, the Baby Boomers.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generational Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 4, 2006
Studying the four American generations is fascinating. By sharing my research with you about each generation hopefully you’ll be able to minimize intergenerational conflicts at work and at home through greater understanding.
We’ll look at what are called Group Tendencies, which explain how some but not all in a given group share tendencies due to forces influencing that group. Group Tendencies can help you understand someone better as long as you don’t assume a specific tendency applies to everyone in that group, which would be a stereotype.
We’ll start with the oldest generation in the workplace today, the Veterans, born between 1922 and 1942. This year they turn 64 to 84. (Different researchers use slightly different birth years. I’ve chosen these because they make more sense to me.)
Veterans grew up when life was simpler, more personal and much less high-tech. More people lived in smaller, rural towns than today. Milk was delivered to most homes (with that thick crème on the top). Families gathered around the radio for popular shows like The Shadow.
They lived through the hard times of the Stock Market crash, the Depression, the Dust Bowl, and World War II and developed frugal habits to survive. “Waste not want not”, and “Turn off the lights” were heard in homes of this generation and beyond. They lived with significant scarcity; even bread lines for some.
In order to make it through these meager times they had to put aside individual needs and work for the common good, which allowed them to accomplish amazing things. They won the war and then rebuilt our nation and its economy and contributed greatly to the recovery of Europe and beyond. Victorious soldiers came home and got an education through the G. I. Bill. Rosie the Riveter returned home to raise a family.
This generation proceeded to build the foundation for the American dream. Patriotism was high. Honor, hard work and loyalty were their values.
By partnering with large government and corporate institutions they learned that great things could be accomplished by working toward common goals with tried and true methods. There was a growing sense that Americans could do almost anything. Everyone can profit if you have good leadership and a dedicated workforce to carry out the big plans. This generation had great respect for authority because it worked for them.
Their work ethic is epic; "an honest day's work for an honest day's pay", "duty before pleasure", live by the rules, work hard and eventually it will all pay off. That’s why Veterans oftentimes don't understand why younger people rebel against paying their dues and climbing the corporate ladder in an orderly and prescribed fashion. They also don't understand younger employees’ "lack of loyalty" to an employer.
Given Florida’s incredibly low unemployment rate and the predicted looming employee shortage employers would be wise to keep Veterans working as long as possible. To hold onto these valuable employees:
• Offer benefits like retirement plans, insurance, etc., that would add to Veterans’ financial security
• Offer flexibility so they can also pursue their retirement dreams
• Relationships are important so use personal vs. electronic communication as much as possible, be polite with "please" and "thank you", and speak to family, patriotism and traditional values
• Seek out their experience, knowledge and what has and hasn't worked in the past
What manager wouldn’t want all their employees to have the work ethic of this generation? They’re unbelievably reliable and hard working. With their accumulated wisdom they can also offer great historic understanding of an organization or industry in which they’ve worked a lifetime. It would be a shame to lose this.
Next week we’ll consider the biggest American generation of all time, the Baby Boomers.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generational Gap (590-7815).
Monday, March 27, 2006
Reduce generational conflicts at work through greater understanding
Stress for Success
March 28, 2006
Tom, a 62 year-old manager, locks horns frequently with John, a 34 year-old colleague, who seems so impatient and impersonal. It really bugs Tom when John rudely continues to work on his computer even with Tom standing right there talking to him!
Rachel, a 22-year-old new hire enthusiastically emails her new boss, Jennifer, a 55-year-old, her best ideas on how Jennifer can make her project even better. Jennifer rolls her eyes with each email thinking, “Who does she think she is? This is probably her first job out of college!” Rachel, never getting a response for her hard work, assumes Jennifer resists any idea that isn’t her own.
Do you think it would help if these employees could understand why those who frustrate them behave as they do?
My mother would answer an enthusiastic “yes”. She encouraged all of us kids in my family to challenge our negative judgments of people by exploring why they behaved as they did. Develop greater understanding of each generation and why each is the way it is and you can judge less thereby remove an important building block of conflict.
For example, what in each generation’s background might explain why older workers get irritated when their younger colleagues aren’t willing to work late? Would greater generational understanding help younger workers be more patient with older workers who resist change? Could Boomers resent Xers less for demanding life balance, something a Boomer only dreamt of? And could Gen Yers, the youngest employed generation, gain more perspective with the older generations for getting the world into such a mess?
Generational diversity is the hottest diversity issue in today’s workplace. With the four generations working side-by-side with their significantly different values, expectations and assumptions, it’s easy to understand why there’s frustration between them. How each individual workplace handles their generational conflicts will determine whether they have more conflict or creativity.
If you’re a business owner or manager, why should you care? Because if the predictions of the worker shortage are anywhere near accurate you’ll have to compete with all other employers to recruit and retain the best and the brightest. Veterans and Baby Boomers, the largest generation of all times, have their eyes set on retirement and there simply aren’t enough Gen Xers, the smallest recent generation, and Yers to take up the slack, especially the leadership slack.
This is a huge challenge to all employers. If you have a business-as-usual attitude you’ll be scratching the bottom of the barrel for employees. The organizations that manage the four generations the most creatively will have a competitive edge in recruitment and retention of talented people. By making your organization a great place to work you can hold on to more Veterans and Boomers, even if just for part-time help and attract more Xers and Yers whom some have accused of having “just in time loyalty”.
Over the next weeks I’ll give you a thumbnail sketch of each generation:
• The Veterans, born 1922 – 1942
• The Baby Boomers, 1943 – 1960
• Generation X, 1961 – 1980
• Generation Y, 1981 – 2000
I’ll briefly describe the historic events that shaped each generation, which helps to explain their values and why they behave as they do. Hopefully the understanding this creates can help decrease intergenerational conflicts just like my Mother taught me it would.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 28, 2006
Tom, a 62 year-old manager, locks horns frequently with John, a 34 year-old colleague, who seems so impatient and impersonal. It really bugs Tom when John rudely continues to work on his computer even with Tom standing right there talking to him!
Rachel, a 22-year-old new hire enthusiastically emails her new boss, Jennifer, a 55-year-old, her best ideas on how Jennifer can make her project even better. Jennifer rolls her eyes with each email thinking, “Who does she think she is? This is probably her first job out of college!” Rachel, never getting a response for her hard work, assumes Jennifer resists any idea that isn’t her own.
Do you think it would help if these employees could understand why those who frustrate them behave as they do?
My mother would answer an enthusiastic “yes”. She encouraged all of us kids in my family to challenge our negative judgments of people by exploring why they behaved as they did. Develop greater understanding of each generation and why each is the way it is and you can judge less thereby remove an important building block of conflict.
For example, what in each generation’s background might explain why older workers get irritated when their younger colleagues aren’t willing to work late? Would greater generational understanding help younger workers be more patient with older workers who resist change? Could Boomers resent Xers less for demanding life balance, something a Boomer only dreamt of? And could Gen Yers, the youngest employed generation, gain more perspective with the older generations for getting the world into such a mess?
Generational diversity is the hottest diversity issue in today’s workplace. With the four generations working side-by-side with their significantly different values, expectations and assumptions, it’s easy to understand why there’s frustration between them. How each individual workplace handles their generational conflicts will determine whether they have more conflict or creativity.
If you’re a business owner or manager, why should you care? Because if the predictions of the worker shortage are anywhere near accurate you’ll have to compete with all other employers to recruit and retain the best and the brightest. Veterans and Baby Boomers, the largest generation of all times, have their eyes set on retirement and there simply aren’t enough Gen Xers, the smallest recent generation, and Yers to take up the slack, especially the leadership slack.
This is a huge challenge to all employers. If you have a business-as-usual attitude you’ll be scratching the bottom of the barrel for employees. The organizations that manage the four generations the most creatively will have a competitive edge in recruitment and retention of talented people. By making your organization a great place to work you can hold on to more Veterans and Boomers, even if just for part-time help and attract more Xers and Yers whom some have accused of having “just in time loyalty”.
Over the next weeks I’ll give you a thumbnail sketch of each generation:
• The Veterans, born 1922 – 1942
• The Baby Boomers, 1943 – 1960
• Generation X, 1961 – 1980
• Generation Y, 1981 – 2000
I’ll briefly describe the historic events that shaped each generation, which helps to explain their values and why they behave as they do. Hopefully the understanding this creates can help decrease intergenerational conflicts just like my Mother taught me it would.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Diminish your fatigue by breathing more and drinking more water
Stress for Success
March 21, 2006
Recently I visited an old friend who told me that she loves my column and reads it every week. She chuckled and then said, "But I don't necessarily follow your advice." (Thanks, Elizabeth for keeping me grounded.)
I'm realistic enough to know that many of even the most stressed and exhausted among us who most need to faithfully practice stress reduction don't; many because they’re just too tired. So here are two bits of advice that are easy to practice, free, require virtually no willpower nor additional time, and yet still are very beneficial in boosting your energy: breathe more deeply and drink more water.
When you breathe shallowly, which stressed people do most of the time, you aren’t taking in enough oxygen. With lower levels of oxygen and higher levels of carbon monoxide in your blood you become more tired and put pressure on your body because your heart rate and blood pressure go up.
So breathe deeply from your abdomen every hour on the hour. Abdominal breathing gives an oxygen boost that energizes and relaxes you instantly. Also do this before times you know you’ll be stressed, like a difficult conversation you’re about to have with someone.
As you inhale, focus on making your stomach and chest move so it expands your lower lungs. This allows you to take in more air with each breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Concentrate on pushing the air out as you exhale, which encourages the body to breathe correctly. Maintaining good posture also facilitates healthy breathing.
Another common contributor to fatigue is dehydration. Some estimates are that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. And no wonder! Look at all the caffeine we consume from coffee, tea and soda. And we simply don't drink enough water. If you’re very stressed you’re probably one of the 75%. Besides fatigue dehydration can cause headaches, constipation and irritability.
“When you feel thirsty, you’ve already lost two to three percent of your body fluid” says Susan Kleiner, a registered dietician in Mercer Island, Washington. This can lower your blood volume, which means you don’t get as much blood to your brain so your heart has to work harder.
Sometimes you mistakenly perceive your body’s plea for water as hunger pains. For a few weeks between meals when you think you’re hungry drink a glass of water instead. You’ll hydrate yourself more and decrease the extra pounds you put on over the years. Drinking water when you want to munch can also help keep you on a diet.
Also consider:
• Drink enough water so you have to urinate once an hour during wakeful hours.
• If your lifestyle is mostly sedentary drink nine cups of water per day; if active you’ll need closer to twelve.
• Since this can get tiresome, spark up your water with lemon or orange slices, drink noncaffeinated herbal tea, and eat more soup, fresh fruits and vegetables.
• When constipated drink lots of water in the morning. It works better than the over-the-counter products upon which we tend to rely.
• Avoid drinks that contribute to dehydration: coffee, tea, alcoholic beverages all of which are diuretics that require more water from the body than they provide.
• Have water nearby throughout your day including in your car.
To generate more energy, which might motivate you to follow other needed stress management advice, breathe more deeply and drink more water. Do these two things very regularly for the next two months and see if you’re not more energetic. Then you'll have no excuse to stop you from taking better care of yourself in other ways.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 21, 2006
Recently I visited an old friend who told me that she loves my column and reads it every week. She chuckled and then said, "But I don't necessarily follow your advice." (Thanks, Elizabeth for keeping me grounded.)
I'm realistic enough to know that many of even the most stressed and exhausted among us who most need to faithfully practice stress reduction don't; many because they’re just too tired. So here are two bits of advice that are easy to practice, free, require virtually no willpower nor additional time, and yet still are very beneficial in boosting your energy: breathe more deeply and drink more water.
When you breathe shallowly, which stressed people do most of the time, you aren’t taking in enough oxygen. With lower levels of oxygen and higher levels of carbon monoxide in your blood you become more tired and put pressure on your body because your heart rate and blood pressure go up.
So breathe deeply from your abdomen every hour on the hour. Abdominal breathing gives an oxygen boost that energizes and relaxes you instantly. Also do this before times you know you’ll be stressed, like a difficult conversation you’re about to have with someone.
As you inhale, focus on making your stomach and chest move so it expands your lower lungs. This allows you to take in more air with each breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Concentrate on pushing the air out as you exhale, which encourages the body to breathe correctly. Maintaining good posture also facilitates healthy breathing.
Another common contributor to fatigue is dehydration. Some estimates are that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. And no wonder! Look at all the caffeine we consume from coffee, tea and soda. And we simply don't drink enough water. If you’re very stressed you’re probably one of the 75%. Besides fatigue dehydration can cause headaches, constipation and irritability.
“When you feel thirsty, you’ve already lost two to three percent of your body fluid” says Susan Kleiner, a registered dietician in Mercer Island, Washington. This can lower your blood volume, which means you don’t get as much blood to your brain so your heart has to work harder.
Sometimes you mistakenly perceive your body’s plea for water as hunger pains. For a few weeks between meals when you think you’re hungry drink a glass of water instead. You’ll hydrate yourself more and decrease the extra pounds you put on over the years. Drinking water when you want to munch can also help keep you on a diet.
Also consider:
• Drink enough water so you have to urinate once an hour during wakeful hours.
• If your lifestyle is mostly sedentary drink nine cups of water per day; if active you’ll need closer to twelve.
• Since this can get tiresome, spark up your water with lemon or orange slices, drink noncaffeinated herbal tea, and eat more soup, fresh fruits and vegetables.
• When constipated drink lots of water in the morning. It works better than the over-the-counter products upon which we tend to rely.
• Avoid drinks that contribute to dehydration: coffee, tea, alcoholic beverages all of which are diuretics that require more water from the body than they provide.
• Have water nearby throughout your day including in your car.
To generate more energy, which might motivate you to follow other needed stress management advice, breathe more deeply and drink more water. Do these two things very regularly for the next two months and see if you’re not more energetic. Then you'll have no excuse to stop you from taking better care of yourself in other ways.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Teach your children patience so they can have a better life
Stress for Success
March 14, 2006
Patience is a wonderful personal attribute. It helps you reach your goals as well as get along with others, while those who are impatient are spinning in emotional circles.
Impatience is a short step from more intense forms of anger. When your emotional brain is triggered it sends hormones racing through your body besieging your ability to think logically. So tame your impatience when you need to think rationally.
Whereas it’s never too late to learn patience, the ideal time to learn is when you're a child. But some experts worry that it’s being lost in our fast-paced, point-and-click world where technology brings us instant results, which lead to an expectation of instant results in everything from our relationships to traffic.
Dr. Marilyn Benoit, President-elect of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, is concerned that there’s a disturbing trend that finds children having more emotional outbursts. She describes this melt down in TheDot.com Kids and the Demise of Frustration Tolerance. "The problem I see emerging in children is one of decreasing frustration tolerance … in lay language …a lack of patience."
Dr. Benoit says that impatient children suffer because they haven't learned to delay their own gratification so have a harder time empathizing with others and coping when life becomes challenging. Significant impatience leads children and adults to believe that everything is about them. What a rude awakening for kids when they learn that it isn’t all about them.
Impatience in two-year-olds is certainly near universal, but meltdowns in older children can be a sign of more serious problems. Family psychologist and author Elizabeth Carll, Ph.D., adds, "Poor impulse control can lead to aggression and violence for some children."
Another reason it’s wise to teach children patience is that when they learn that it takes time to work toward goals and plan ahead, they're more likely to adapt when their needs aren’t immediately met. However, Dr. Toby Sachsenmaier, child and adolescent psychologist in Buffalo, New York, says that parents often interfere with their children learning patience by not letting them learn how to deal with disappointment.
The experts recommend the following to help you teach your children greater patience:
• Model appropriate patience. When children see that there are times when it's natural to feel impatient, they can learn constructive ways from you to cope with their frustration. You, the parent, are their #1 role model so learn greater patience if necessary.
• Reward patience. For example, when your child exhibits appropriate patient behavior, say something positive like, "Thank you for being so patient, I appreciate it." “Catch them doing something right.”
• Don’t reward impatience.
• Avoid overloading your children's schedules and avoid rushing to buy all the latest new high-tech stuff. Encourage them to have downtime.
• Engage them in slow-paced and enriching activities such as enjoying nature. Teach them to appreciate its beauty and complexity. Gardening, participating in non-technology games, constructing something that takes a few days to build, and even card games can all encourage your child to be more thoughtful and deliberate.
When children master greater patience it can help lead them to improved self-esteem and greater success in life because they've learned the power of self-control. Dr. Carll says, "Any time you feel more control, you feel better about yourself." And having a sense of control is the opposite of being stressed.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 14, 2006
Patience is a wonderful personal attribute. It helps you reach your goals as well as get along with others, while those who are impatient are spinning in emotional circles.
Impatience is a short step from more intense forms of anger. When your emotional brain is triggered it sends hormones racing through your body besieging your ability to think logically. So tame your impatience when you need to think rationally.
Whereas it’s never too late to learn patience, the ideal time to learn is when you're a child. But some experts worry that it’s being lost in our fast-paced, point-and-click world where technology brings us instant results, which lead to an expectation of instant results in everything from our relationships to traffic.
Dr. Marilyn Benoit, President-elect of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, is concerned that there’s a disturbing trend that finds children having more emotional outbursts. She describes this melt down in TheDot.com Kids and the Demise of Frustration Tolerance. "The problem I see emerging in children is one of decreasing frustration tolerance … in lay language …a lack of patience."
Dr. Benoit says that impatient children suffer because they haven't learned to delay their own gratification so have a harder time empathizing with others and coping when life becomes challenging. Significant impatience leads children and adults to believe that everything is about them. What a rude awakening for kids when they learn that it isn’t all about them.
Impatience in two-year-olds is certainly near universal, but meltdowns in older children can be a sign of more serious problems. Family psychologist and author Elizabeth Carll, Ph.D., adds, "Poor impulse control can lead to aggression and violence for some children."
Another reason it’s wise to teach children patience is that when they learn that it takes time to work toward goals and plan ahead, they're more likely to adapt when their needs aren’t immediately met. However, Dr. Toby Sachsenmaier, child and adolescent psychologist in Buffalo, New York, says that parents often interfere with their children learning patience by not letting them learn how to deal with disappointment.
The experts recommend the following to help you teach your children greater patience:
• Model appropriate patience. When children see that there are times when it's natural to feel impatient, they can learn constructive ways from you to cope with their frustration. You, the parent, are their #1 role model so learn greater patience if necessary.
• Reward patience. For example, when your child exhibits appropriate patient behavior, say something positive like, "Thank you for being so patient, I appreciate it." “Catch them doing something right.”
• Don’t reward impatience.
• Avoid overloading your children's schedules and avoid rushing to buy all the latest new high-tech stuff. Encourage them to have downtime.
• Engage them in slow-paced and enriching activities such as enjoying nature. Teach them to appreciate its beauty and complexity. Gardening, participating in non-technology games, constructing something that takes a few days to build, and even card games can all encourage your child to be more thoughtful and deliberate.
When children master greater patience it can help lead them to improved self-esteem and greater success in life because they've learned the power of self-control. Dr. Carll says, "Any time you feel more control, you feel better about yourself." And having a sense of control is the opposite of being stressed.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Learn self-soothing techniques to increase your patience and decrease hypertension
Stress for Success
March 7, 2006
“Impatience is a fuse to a stress explosion”, said my husband. It can go off while standing in line at the grocery store or while navigating rush-hour traffic. People who irritate you or hold you up in some way can also be the detonation. For some, it can be ignited by pretty much anything.
Our techno-stress-age with its accompanying expectations for everything to be faster can push even patient people to the edge. However, for health reasons the concern is for those who are impatient much of the time, often over insignificant events.
Impatience and hostility are a form of stress and are part of the Type A personality. Research has long shown that stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, causing a series of heart and blood vessel consequences, including narrowing of the blood vessels and an increase in blood pressure. These traits increase even a young adult’s long-term risk of developing high blood pressure, according to a study funded by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and published by the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2003.
3,308 blacks and whites, ages 18 to 30 when the research began in 1985, were studied. It found that higher levels of impatience and hostility were significantly associated with the development of hypertension after 15 years. Greater amounts of these equated to a greater risk. Interestingly, competitiveness, depression, and anxiety didn’t seem to increase the risk of hypertension.
The subjects rated their time urgency/impatience on a scale from zero to 3 - 4. After 15 years, participants with the highest score of 3 - 4 had an 84% greater risk of developing high blood pressure. Those with the second-highest score of 2 had a 47% greater risk. What didn’t affect the results: race, age, gender, education, blood pressure at the time of enrollment or the presence of hypertension risk factors such as overweight/obesity, alcohol consumption, and physical activity.
If you experience a great deal of time urgency and therefore impatience, you need to decide if hypertension is too high a price to pay. If it is, you’ll need to learn patience. The most important thing to help you is to develop self-soothing techniques.
Impatience is a form of anger, which pushes you to look for the cause outside of yourself, like the *!☆~ who cut you off in traffic. But this implies that the other person has to get out of your way for you to be soothed. Since that person is beyond your control you’ll instead need to soothe yourself.
• Deep breathe every time you find yourself becoming impatient.
• Distract yourself when impatient. For example, while standing in a checkout line read the sensationalist and comical headlines of tabloids.
• Ultimately you must change how you interpret whatever is getting in your way. Learn to recognize your impatient interpretations, "You ignorant moron!" Instead invent your own self-soothing-interpretation such as, "How important will it be in one year that this person is slowing me down?" Hopefully, more often than not you’ll answer, “It’s not at all important. Why am I wasting all of this energy on it?”
You've learned to be impatient and therefore can learn to be patient. It’s more difficult for those who experienced great amounts of early childhood trauma, which can program a short fuse for your fight flight response. Much of the trick to self-soothing is to learn to distract your mind at the earliest possible red flag of impending impatience/time urgency. Ironically, you’ll need to be patient to continue looking for techniques that calm you. Be very persistent in using them. The more you do the sooner and the better they’ll soothe you.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 7, 2006
“Impatience is a fuse to a stress explosion”, said my husband. It can go off while standing in line at the grocery store or while navigating rush-hour traffic. People who irritate you or hold you up in some way can also be the detonation. For some, it can be ignited by pretty much anything.
Our techno-stress-age with its accompanying expectations for everything to be faster can push even patient people to the edge. However, for health reasons the concern is for those who are impatient much of the time, often over insignificant events.
Impatience and hostility are a form of stress and are part of the Type A personality. Research has long shown that stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, causing a series of heart and blood vessel consequences, including narrowing of the blood vessels and an increase in blood pressure. These traits increase even a young adult’s long-term risk of developing high blood pressure, according to a study funded by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and published by the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2003.
3,308 blacks and whites, ages 18 to 30 when the research began in 1985, were studied. It found that higher levels of impatience and hostility were significantly associated with the development of hypertension after 15 years. Greater amounts of these equated to a greater risk. Interestingly, competitiveness, depression, and anxiety didn’t seem to increase the risk of hypertension.
The subjects rated their time urgency/impatience on a scale from zero to 3 - 4. After 15 years, participants with the highest score of 3 - 4 had an 84% greater risk of developing high blood pressure. Those with the second-highest score of 2 had a 47% greater risk. What didn’t affect the results: race, age, gender, education, blood pressure at the time of enrollment or the presence of hypertension risk factors such as overweight/obesity, alcohol consumption, and physical activity.
If you experience a great deal of time urgency and therefore impatience, you need to decide if hypertension is too high a price to pay. If it is, you’ll need to learn patience. The most important thing to help you is to develop self-soothing techniques.
Impatience is a form of anger, which pushes you to look for the cause outside of yourself, like the *!☆~ who cut you off in traffic. But this implies that the other person has to get out of your way for you to be soothed. Since that person is beyond your control you’ll instead need to soothe yourself.
• Deep breathe every time you find yourself becoming impatient.
• Distract yourself when impatient. For example, while standing in a checkout line read the sensationalist and comical headlines of tabloids.
• Ultimately you must change how you interpret whatever is getting in your way. Learn to recognize your impatient interpretations, "You ignorant moron!" Instead invent your own self-soothing-interpretation such as, "How important will it be in one year that this person is slowing me down?" Hopefully, more often than not you’ll answer, “It’s not at all important. Why am I wasting all of this energy on it?”
You've learned to be impatient and therefore can learn to be patient. It’s more difficult for those who experienced great amounts of early childhood trauma, which can program a short fuse for your fight flight response. Much of the trick to self-soothing is to learn to distract your mind at the earliest possible red flag of impending impatience/time urgency. Ironically, you’ll need to be patient to continue looking for techniques that calm you. Be very persistent in using them. The more you do the sooner and the better they’ll soothe you.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Simplify your life to reduce your stress
Stress for Success
February 21, 2006
There's nothing simple about the typical American life. We work too hard, treat time like an enemy, spend too much money on too much stuff, and sit around too much watching TV while eating too much. No wonder we’re a society of obesity and diabetes, heart attacks and strokes, sleep deprivation and exhaustion, road rage and depression.
Wow, that sounds really depressing! This description certainly isn't true about everybody. Perhaps, though, it's a little true about most of us. So what's a stressed-out American to do? Consider slowing down, if not getting off, the treadmill of your life by simplifying in a way that would make living easier for you.
To do so you'll need to challenge stereotypical American assumptions. For example, baby boomers need to challenge the belief that human worth is tied to how much we work. Some parents need to stop equating being a good parent with giving your children everything they want. In other words, simplifying your life will be different person to person. What would make your life easier?
The author of Simplify Your Life, Elaine St. James, addresses eight different areas to consider. Among her ideas:
• Your household: de-clutter, speed-clean, get rid of your lawn
• Lifestyle: move to a smaller house, turn off the TV, simplify your wardrobe
• Finances: get out of debt, rethink your buying habits, teach your kids fiscal responsibility
• Your job: toss your Day Runner, work near where you live, do what you really want to do
• Health: simplify your eating habits, have a fruit- or juice-fast one day a week, meditate
• Your personal life: clean up your relationships, be yourself, trust your intuition
• Simplicity for women: kick off your high heels, downsize your purse
• Hard-core simplicity: rent rather than own, get rid of your car, stop making the bed (only a woman would understand why this would be hard-core)
To begin the process of simplification:
• Begin a conversation with your family about what’s most important to you. What would make your lives easier? Are you cooking different menus to satisfy everyone? Are you experiencing multiple physical symptoms of stress? Do you value health over making a lot of money? Once you've decided what would help make your lives easier, then …
• Create quiet time in nature or through meditation several times a week to …
• Ask and answer your questions about how to simplify. It’s nearly impossible to see what’s best when you're on your treadmill at high speed. Journaling and quiet contemplation allow you to see answers you couldn’t otherwise.
• Make even a small change that increases simplicity in your life. Then make another change that makes your life easier. Once you start the process it can build up a life of its own. Making simpler choices becomes easier.
Happiness and satisfaction are never won through what you own. They come from being what you want to be, from your relationships, from being satisfied with what you have versus dissatisfied with what you don't, and living your values. Tweak your simplicity as the months and years go by to ensure that you don’t slip back onto the American hyper-treadmill. Next week we’ll consider some ways to get the answers you need to simplify your life.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
February 21, 2006
There's nothing simple about the typical American life. We work too hard, treat time like an enemy, spend too much money on too much stuff, and sit around too much watching TV while eating too much. No wonder we’re a society of obesity and diabetes, heart attacks and strokes, sleep deprivation and exhaustion, road rage and depression.
Wow, that sounds really depressing! This description certainly isn't true about everybody. Perhaps, though, it's a little true about most of us. So what's a stressed-out American to do? Consider slowing down, if not getting off, the treadmill of your life by simplifying in a way that would make living easier for you.
To do so you'll need to challenge stereotypical American assumptions. For example, baby boomers need to challenge the belief that human worth is tied to how much we work. Some parents need to stop equating being a good parent with giving your children everything they want. In other words, simplifying your life will be different person to person. What would make your life easier?
The author of Simplify Your Life, Elaine St. James, addresses eight different areas to consider. Among her ideas:
• Your household: de-clutter, speed-clean, get rid of your lawn
• Lifestyle: move to a smaller house, turn off the TV, simplify your wardrobe
• Finances: get out of debt, rethink your buying habits, teach your kids fiscal responsibility
• Your job: toss your Day Runner, work near where you live, do what you really want to do
• Health: simplify your eating habits, have a fruit- or juice-fast one day a week, meditate
• Your personal life: clean up your relationships, be yourself, trust your intuition
• Simplicity for women: kick off your high heels, downsize your purse
• Hard-core simplicity: rent rather than own, get rid of your car, stop making the bed (only a woman would understand why this would be hard-core)
To begin the process of simplification:
• Begin a conversation with your family about what’s most important to you. What would make your lives easier? Are you cooking different menus to satisfy everyone? Are you experiencing multiple physical symptoms of stress? Do you value health over making a lot of money? Once you've decided what would help make your lives easier, then …
• Create quiet time in nature or through meditation several times a week to …
• Ask and answer your questions about how to simplify. It’s nearly impossible to see what’s best when you're on your treadmill at high speed. Journaling and quiet contemplation allow you to see answers you couldn’t otherwise.
• Make even a small change that increases simplicity in your life. Then make another change that makes your life easier. Once you start the process it can build up a life of its own. Making simpler choices becomes easier.
Happiness and satisfaction are never won through what you own. They come from being what you want to be, from your relationships, from being satisfied with what you have versus dissatisfied with what you don't, and living your values. Tweak your simplicity as the months and years go by to ensure that you don’t slip back onto the American hyper-treadmill. Next week we’ll consider some ways to get the answers you need to simplify your life.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Stress for Success
February 14, 2006
Simplify your life by buying less stuff and managing your finances
Simplifying your life definitely reduces stress. One important area for the stereotypical American who accumulates too much stuff is to simplify your buying habits and take charge of your finances.
When I returned from the Peace Corps (Colombia 1971 – 1973) I took a job in Boston. Not knowing a soul there, I looked through roommate ads and ended up renting an apartment with three teachers.
In this tiny, doll-house-like place, where space was a valuable commodity, I was assigned one shelf in the hall closet for my toiletries. My handful of items looked laughingly lonely on that bare shelf. Their shelves were crammed with mountains of endless supplies – for what, I couldn’t imagine. Because I only took up a tiny corner of my shelf I gave them the rest.
Thirty-three years later I can fill up shelves better than before but I’m still nowhere near as adroit at it as they were. Most Americans buy stuff they soon forget they even own. The clutter of it also adds to your stress (not to mention the drain on the environment).
My very wise husband is fond of saying, “You don’t own your possessions, they own you”. Ponder this simple truth. If you complain about working 60 hours a week to earn enough to pay your mortgage, consciously admit that you’ve chosen a certain caliber of home. Instead, you could choose to live more modestly and be less pressured financially. You might even gain time to do the things you say you miss.
To pursue buying and financial simplicity:
• Go through every drawer and closet in your home and office and toss out everything you haven’t used in one year. Put away into a box those things you simply cannot part with and date it a year from now. If you don’t look for anything in that box over the next year toss it.
• Make a purchasing rule a dear friend and Olympic shopper did. She allowed herself to only buy things for which she had the cash. She noticed that those things she passed up for lack of cash were things she didn’t even want later on. She became very aware of how much impulse buying she did of stuff that really didn’t matter.
• When shopping take along no credit cards or checks but only the cash you’ve decided you can afford to spend.
• Follow Debtors Anonymous advice.
• Create a real budget. Break down your expenses into your general categories of spending; mortgage/rent, food, entertainment, monthly bills, kids’ items, clothing, etc. Decide what you can spend on monthly based on your income and divide it among your categories. Document what you actually spend every month. If the income is less than the expenses then obviously you must cut the expenses. To help you do this,
• Divide your budget items into two columns: what you need and want. You need a pair of shoes; you may want fifteen pairs. You need a car but want a Jaguar. Start slashing from those you want to make sure there’s enough for what you need.
• Reduce your entire budget by 10 – 15%. Next year cut more.
• Decrease your spending on outside entertainment, one of the surest ways to blow your budget.
• Work with a financial counselor to pay off your debt, no matter how slowly.
• Downsize your home and invest the difference.
Simplifying how you manage your money is a profitable first step to reducing your financial stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
February 14, 2006
Simplify your life by buying less stuff and managing your finances
Simplifying your life definitely reduces stress. One important area for the stereotypical American who accumulates too much stuff is to simplify your buying habits and take charge of your finances.
When I returned from the Peace Corps (Colombia 1971 – 1973) I took a job in Boston. Not knowing a soul there, I looked through roommate ads and ended up renting an apartment with three teachers.
In this tiny, doll-house-like place, where space was a valuable commodity, I was assigned one shelf in the hall closet for my toiletries. My handful of items looked laughingly lonely on that bare shelf. Their shelves were crammed with mountains of endless supplies – for what, I couldn’t imagine. Because I only took up a tiny corner of my shelf I gave them the rest.
Thirty-three years later I can fill up shelves better than before but I’m still nowhere near as adroit at it as they were. Most Americans buy stuff they soon forget they even own. The clutter of it also adds to your stress (not to mention the drain on the environment).
My very wise husband is fond of saying, “You don’t own your possessions, they own you”. Ponder this simple truth. If you complain about working 60 hours a week to earn enough to pay your mortgage, consciously admit that you’ve chosen a certain caliber of home. Instead, you could choose to live more modestly and be less pressured financially. You might even gain time to do the things you say you miss.
To pursue buying and financial simplicity:
• Go through every drawer and closet in your home and office and toss out everything you haven’t used in one year. Put away into a box those things you simply cannot part with and date it a year from now. If you don’t look for anything in that box over the next year toss it.
• Make a purchasing rule a dear friend and Olympic shopper did. She allowed herself to only buy things for which she had the cash. She noticed that those things she passed up for lack of cash were things she didn’t even want later on. She became very aware of how much impulse buying she did of stuff that really didn’t matter.
• When shopping take along no credit cards or checks but only the cash you’ve decided you can afford to spend.
• Follow Debtors Anonymous advice.
• Create a real budget. Break down your expenses into your general categories of spending; mortgage/rent, food, entertainment, monthly bills, kids’ items, clothing, etc. Decide what you can spend on monthly based on your income and divide it among your categories. Document what you actually spend every month. If the income is less than the expenses then obviously you must cut the expenses. To help you do this,
• Divide your budget items into two columns: what you need and want. You need a pair of shoes; you may want fifteen pairs. You need a car but want a Jaguar. Start slashing from those you want to make sure there’s enough for what you need.
• Reduce your entire budget by 10 – 15%. Next year cut more.
• Decrease your spending on outside entertainment, one of the surest ways to blow your budget.
• Work with a financial counselor to pay off your debt, no matter how slowly.
• Downsize your home and invest the difference.
Simplifying how you manage your money is a profitable first step to reducing your financial stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
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