Honesty begins with being truthful with yourself
Stress for Success
May 23, 2006

To develop honesty as a personal trait, doesn't it make sense that you have to begin by being truthful with yourself? Oftentimes, especially when you're doing something you're not particularly proud of, it's easier to deceive yourself. You could blame relationship problems on others or health problems on McDonald's. But you'll only sleep well when you have an honorable relationship with yourself.

To be straightforward with yourself you must live a conscious life, the opposite of living in denial. This means you have to become consciously aware of things you do. For purposes of this article I’ll focus on becoming more conscious of the bad habits you’ve developed. (You can apply this same concept, however, to becoming more aware of any behavior.)

It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so unconscious about their bad habits. If you’ve overeaten for the past 20 years and wonder why your back, knees, and ankles hurt, just step on the scale and see how much weight you've gained. I know many people who once they lose weight marvel at how much better their joints feel. Of course they feel better!

The same thing goes for any bad habit you indulge in too frequently. Too much smoking, drinking, drugs, sedentary lifestyle take their toll after a while --- unless you’re lucky enough to have incredibly resilient genes. (To be safe, assume that you don’t.)

Whenever you indulge in one of your bad habits, you probably remain unconscious about your behavior. This means you’re just reacting automatically without thinking; you’re not paying attention --- you’re just doing it.

To be conscious means that you need to observe yourself while you're doing whatever it is you want to become more aware of. If your bad habit is overeating whenever you're feeling down, observe your fixated-self as you go to the freezer and seize the tub of ice cream and snatch a spoon so you can scoop it down.

What was going on right before you indulged? Notice how you felt when it hit your system. Observe how you felt afterwards.

The information you gather, including how you feel emotionally before, during and after consuming your chosen tranquilizer, helps you become more conscious. You don't have to stop the bad habit. Just become consciously aware of what you're doing when you're doing it.

Another important step to living more consciously in your quest for greater self-honesty, is to notice when you’re criticizing yourself about your bad habit. Instead of criticizing, consciously tell yourself that you choose to continue this habit. This increases your sense of personal responsibility so you’re less likely to fall victim to your own automatic behavior, a helpless and very stressful state.

By repeatedly reminding yourself that you choose this unhealthy behavior someday hopefully you’ll think, "What am I doing? If I choose to do this I can also choose not to do it." Being cognizant of your choice is a necessary prerequisite to pave the way to making healthier choices.

To change any behavior in yourself that you're uncomfortable with, the first and foremost thing you need to do is to become conscious of it. You cannot change anything unless you’re mindful of what it is and when you're doing it. The more aware you become the harder it is to deceive yourself. Only when you're honest with yourself will you take personal responsibility and change.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. Her mission is to inspire people to live a conscious life of personal responsibility in relations with themselves, with others and with the environment. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.