If depressed, listen to yourself less and talk more
Stress for Success
May 9, 2006



Recently someone related a great quote to me that went something like this, “When depressed you need to listen to yourself less and talk to yourself more.” It's excellent and succinct advice.

This quote represents the heart of cognitive psychology, which tells us that what you think determines how you feel emotionally, which determines how you react, which brings about your outcomes. When you’re depressed it's because you're thinking depressed thoughts. If you want a different outcome you have to change what you're doing. To change what you're doing you must change what you're thinking.

When in the throes of depression you probably become consumed with your negative thinking. You pay very close attention to it and believe every word of it.

For example let's say your boss has criticized your work and you hear yourself think, "I’m such a loser. I can't believe I ever landed this job in the first place. I'm certainly not qualified. And now my boss knows it. I'm surprised it took her this long to figure it out. She'll fire me any day."

You probably don’t question the validity of what you're thinking so it doesn’t occur to you to challenge your thoughts. But that’s exactly what you need to do. Follow the quote’s advice; listen to yourself less and talk to yourself more by rationally challenging your negative thinking. In the above example, if you’ve never been reprimanded before you could say, "Wait a minute. I've worked here for over two years and this is the first time I've ever been reprimanded. I can't be that incompetent."

If you become easily depressed it probably means that you have repetitive, automatic and probably unconscious thoughts that you've said to yourself over your lifetime that are habitual reactions to specific situations. Examples include, "People must like me for my life to be good", or "I'm not worthy unless I'm perfect." They're not rational since it's unrealistic to expect everyone to like you and it’s impossible to be perfect.

When automatic thoughts are in control you ignore evidence that contradicts them. Since many things in life are unclear and can be interpreted in multiple ways, you choose to negatively interpret events so they agree with your disappointing automatic thoughts.

Develop the habit of challenging and ultimately changing your depressed thinking to rational thinking. Try this cognitive exercise for 20 minutes a day:

• Draw a line vertically down the middle of a piece of paper.
• Label the left side, "automatic thinking" and the right side, "rational thinking"
• Write your automatic and depressed thoughts on the left-hand side of your paper. After you've purged your thoughts challenge them on the right side as I did above.

Another trick to limit depressed interpretations is to identify one thing you’re grateful for in every negative situation. For example, you’re backed up in traffic making you late for work and grateful that your car hasn’t stalled. There's almost always something to be grateful for even in the most negative of situations.

Depressed perceptions sadly limit your options for resolving your situation. That’s why you need to talk to yourself more in a problem-solving way and listen to your negative thinking less. Don't expect to overcome depression over night. It takes time and some people may need to take anti-depressants to support this process. But the payoff is well worth the necessary and on-going effort.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.