Dishonesty causes stress
Stress for Success
May 16, 2006

My father used to say, "The only thing worse than a thief is a liar." To this day I find it incredibly difficult to lie. It has helped keep me on the straight and narrow all of my life.

Which is good because lying is stressful. That's why it shows up as physical changes on a lie detector test. Liars’ fight/flight reactions give them away.

There’s research that supports the idea that lying isn’t good for you.

• The University of Connecticut’s Julian Rotter “compared the social lives of habitually honest people with those who agreed with statements like, ‘You can't afford to be honest.’” Rotter discovered that “honest people tend to attract trustworthy, truthful, and supportive people into their lives. Less honest people tend to attract disloyal, unreliable, and evasive people.” Whom do you want to attract?
• In a survey of 425 mental health professionals, 96% thought that becoming more "open, genuine, and honest" was an essential requirement for mental health.
• James Pennebaker of Southern Methodist University found that people who habitually withhold information about themselves, especially dramatic events, are more susceptible to contagious diseases than people who are more open.

Up to 60% of people lie, with males lying two to three times more than females according to recent research. People lie mostly to duck trouble, to enhance their image, or to avoid hurting others.

Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts found:

• “Over 60% of students lied when introducing themselves to others. They made up fictitious information to make themselves look better, even though there was no benefit to the lie.”
• “People ‘shade the truth’ one to six times per hour in interactions. Gender differences show that women more often lie to protect others, while men lie to protect themselves (from The Truth About Lying, 2001).”

The Center for Academic Integrity research by Don McCabe, released in 2005, surveyed 50,000 college undergraduates from over 60 campuses.

• 70% of students acknowledged some cheating
• Almost one-quarter admitted to serious test cheating in the past year and one-half to one or more instances of serious cheating on written assignments
How do most of us justify our lying? Just like most criminals, we rationalize our lies. A Harvard researcher, A. Bandura, has identified common defenses people use for lying to avoid feeling guilty:

• Moral justification: "I stole to feed my family."
• Euphemistic labeling: "I just sort of borrowed it (vs. stole it)."
• Looking good by comparison: "I’m not nearly as bad as rich people who don’t pay all of their taxes."
• They made me do it: "He just kept pushing until I gave in."
• Denial of responsibility: "I just went along with the crowd."
• Denial of consequences: "My company is so huge they'll never notice the little things I pilfer."
• Dehumanization: "If they're dumb enough to buy swamp land in Florida I'll sell it to them."
• You (the victim) caused me to do it: "You shouldn't make me so mad."

To whom are you most likely to fudge the truth? What does your lie due to the health of that relationship? Why do you do it? After you’ve lied, how do you feel? What are the consequences of your lies? How do you justify them? Are little white lies harmful? I'll explore these and other questions in the coming weeks.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.