How we manage stress is passed on in families
Stress for Success
April 17, 2012


What causes most depression: genetics or experiences?

A hint to the answer comes from the comparisons of depression and schizophrenia rates worldwide. Schizophrenia is found in approximately 1% of the population no matter the culture. Depression varies dramatically culture to culture suggesting it could be contagious.

Consider the following and see if you think depression is spreading:
· The World Health Organization says depression is the fourth leading cause of human disability and projects by 2020 it’ll take over second place.
· The average onset of depression is the mid-20s. It used to be the mid-30s.
· According to clinical psychologist Michael Yapko, long-term studies show depression intensifying one generation to the next, “Today’s parents are the largest depressed group raising the fastest-growing group of depression sufferers.”
· We’re four times more depressed than our parents; ten times more so than our grandparents! And this is not due to greater awareness of the illness.

Since depressed people experience far more difficulty socially than do those not depressed, could they be spreading the illness? They have:
· More family and marital arguments;
· Less relationship satisfaction;
· Greater unhappiness;

Even though you can be genetically vulnerable to depression, the greater cause is learning, mostly from our families, how to manage what goes on inside our heads, including our:
· Explanatory style (the meaning we attach to life experiences);
· Cognitive style (thinking);
· Coping style (how we manage stress);
· Problem-solving style;
· Relational style;

Families model their thinking, feeling, and relating to others, passing on these patterns to other family members.

Yapko also reports a near-perfect correlation between parents’ explanatory style and their child’s. When your child asks you why something happened, your explanation represents your style of thinking including your belief of what caused it. “Why can’t I take tennis lessons, Mom?” “It’s a waste of money since you’ll never be coordinated.” Mom attributes the cause to the child’s clumsiness. And her permanently negative attribution communicates nothing will ever change.

Yapko says these routine interactions happen multiple times daily, imperceptibly shaping the child’s beliefs about himself and his world. They influence how he filters risk-taking, his own potential, whom he blames when things go wrong – and - his vulnerability to depression.

Additionally, the child who learns to make global assumptions that life events are beyond his control experiences greater helplessness and hopelessness, ingredients for depression. He’s more likely to perceive himself helpless about his happiness, competence and relationships.

Studies show these interpretation patterns are established early on. In one study, 8 year-old children were asked how they’d respond if shopping with their mother and suddenly finding themselves separated from her. The anxious children produced scary scenarios of never finding their parents and being adopted by strangers. The nonanxious kids said they’d ask the store manager to make a P-A announcement. Free of their peers’ anxiety, they’d think their way through to solving the problem.

Which patterns of perceiving are you teaching your kids?

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Music can soothe frazzled nerves
It can also reduce blood pressure, relieve pain.
Stress for Success
April 3, 2012


You’ve experienced how music can trigger your emotions taking you back in time to sweet – or bitter-sweet – memories. This is why listening to music that touches your soul can serve as a powerful stress reduction tool.

According to a variety of research published by eMedExpert.com 2011, music which appeals to you has many benefits. It:
· Can distract attention away from your stressors;
· Can increase your sense of control, which automatically reduces over-all stress;
· Is effective therapy for pain:
o Can reduce chronic pain from osteoarthritis, disc problems and rheumatoid arthritis by up to 21% and depression by up to 25% (UK Journal of Advanced Nursing, June, 2006.)
o Causes the body to release endorphins to counteract pain;
· Reduces blood pressure: People with high blood pressure can train themselves to lower their blood pressure and keep it low by playing relaxing music every morning and evening (Teng, et al., 2007.) Listening to just 30 minutes of classical, Celtic or raga (traditional south Asian) music daily can significantly reduce high blood pressure.
· Speeds Post-Stroke Recovery: Daily listening to your favorite pop melodies, classical music or jazz can speed recovery from debilitating strokes (Sarkamo, et al., Brain, March 2008.)
· Reduces intensity, frequency, and duration of chronic headaches and migraines (Oelkers, et al., April 12, 2008.)
· Motivates you to exercise and enhances athletic performance (Simpson and Karageorghis, Sports Science, Oct 2006.)
· Boosts immunity: Music that creates a positive and reflective emotional experience leads to the secretion of immune-boosting hormones (Kuhn, et al., Music Therapy, Spring, 2002.) Higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol decrease immune response; listening to or performing music can decrease it (le Roux, et al., Music Therapy, Summer, 2007.)
· Those who listen to classical and self-selected relaxing music after exposure to stressors significantly reduce their anxiety, anger - and very importantly for their health – their physiological stress arousal, and increase relaxation compared to those who sit silently or listen to heavy metal music (Labbe, et al, of the University of South Alabama.)
In other words, desirable music is healing for your well-being.

Any time you become more frenzied with life's demands, schedule time to do nothing but listen to music daily. Or play it in the background as you go about your business. It’s not a time waster, but rather a Stress Break, which takes you away from your pressures, allowing your body to balance the stress hormones we know cause physical and emotional havoc.


Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Let go of assumptions the other is the problem in conflicts
Stress for Success
March 20, 2012


When involved in a conflict, and you’re convinced the other person is wrong, might you also be partly wrong, too, without realizing it?

It’s near-universal in conflicts that we see the other as the cause of the problem. If they’d just change in some way the problem would be solved.

Is there something wrong with this?

Expecting others to change becomes a stressor in itself since you have no control over anyone but yourself. In hundreds of my programs over the years many women (mostly) have talked to me about their conflicts. In describing their disagreement their focus is almost completely on what the other person did, how wrong it is and what they should do to fix the problem. Virtually every woman was convinced she was right.

What they fail to realize is focusing their frustrated energy on anything beyond their control increases their stress. There’s no solution for them as long as they remain focused on the other person.

The first red flag indicating you’re more a part of the conflict than you realize, is when thinking about and talking to others about your conflict you talk almost obsessively about what the other person is doing. Since you’ll find no solutions in this approach, always ask yourself instead, “What are my options in responding to this person,” which is within your control.

Additionally, whoever wants a different outcome in a situation is the person who must change their approach versus expecting the other person to change. The person you’re frustrated with may have no idea you’re upset. They merrily go through their day as you seethe. And stew.

Another important red flag that you’re more part of the problem than you realize is in assuming the other person is at fault and you negatively label what they’re doing as unfair, ignorant, lazy, arrogant, oblivious, etc. These negative judgments - negative adjectives - are opinions, not facts, convinced as you probably are that you’re being accurate.

To reduce your own complicity in conflicts, become consciously aware when you negatively label another person. Listen for your negative adjectives in describing them. Each time you hear yourself think or utter negative adjectives, force yourself to identify the other’s behavior that triggered your negative judgment. Simplifying it this way allows you to determine if their behavior is worth your energy to assertively confront.

My favorite example comes from a workshop attendee. She described her arrogant (negative judgment/adjective) colleague. The only arrogant behavior she could identify was his habit of raising an eyebrow occasionally when she gave ideas. She decided this was not worthy of her upset. Had she decided it was worth her energy, she could speak to him about his tendency to raise an eyebrow (behavior) and her interpretation of its meaning but say nothing about her judgment (arrogant) of it.

Insisting on focusing on how wrong the other person is keeps you stuck. Focusing on their “negative” behavior allows new options of how to respond to open up to you, reducing your stress.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Personal responsibility is a must for kids managing stress
Stress for Success
February 28, 2012


Recently I’ve written about creating a Stress Safety Net (SSN) for your kids so they can feel safe, secure and loved (previous articles at http://stressforsuccess.blogspot.com.) This builds a foundation from which they can better handle life’s ups and downs. The final component of the SSN is personal responsibility; responsible adults learned accountability in childhood.

To teach this important trait, expect each child to do their share of household chores as a responsibility of living in your family. I started dusting in areas where I could do no damage at age four establishing this requirement that I had household responsibilities, as did everyone else.

Do your kids have regular chores? Do you pay them for it? If so, what does that imply: that any contribution to the family should be compensated? if they don’t want the money they can stop doing the chore?

Consider giving an allowance that’s separate from chores to communicate household work is a responsibility, not a paid job.

To divide household chores, teach responsibility AND reduce arguing, call for a voluntary family meeting. Since it’s voluntary, you may be the only person to show up. Whoever shows up, follow these four steps to divide chores.
1. Brainstorm the following four categories:
a. Tasks that must be done, e.g., pay the bills, and jobs you want done, e.g., vacuuming.
b. Agree on how well each job is to be done. Parents usually have to lower their standards while kids raise theirs. Compromise.
c. Agree by when each chore is to be done, like the dishes are done before bedtime daily.
d. Who will do each chore? Let everyone volunteer for jobs. Divide all the refused chores equitably. If parents are the only ones to show up for the meeting select only your share of tasks and do them and nothing else. If neither of you chose laundry, don’t do it no matter how vociferously your kids complain about not having clean clothes.
2. Color code agreed-upon jobs to each family member on a chart and attach to the refrigerator. This serves as a constant, unconscious reminder of which responsibilities whoever opens the refrigerator committed to do.
3. Agree to another meeting in one to two weeks to discuss how it’s going. During the intervening week or two, do only what you said you’d do, how well, and by when. Also, don’t remind anyone of their agreement. You can compliment someone’s work but no correcting, micro-managing or criticizing it.
4. During the next meeting, review how things went and describe any problems you noticed. Ask for suggestions for improvement. Post any changes to the agreement. Repeat this process until all jobs are being done responsibly and well enough. Decide how often to re-negotiate.

Obviously, if your daughter agreed to feed the dog and isn’t doing it, you’ll need to intervene. But don’t nag or do the job yourself. Tell her since she chooses not to feed the dog you will. However, in response you choose to not do one of your jobs for her.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Teach your children how to problem-solve
Stress for Success
February 21, 2012


Here’s a stress truism: having no options raises stress; identifying options reduces it. So rather than telling your kids how to handle their stressors teach them how to problem-solve, the fifth component of my Stress Safety Net.

The number one problem-solving skill is asking questions, which usually leads to more questions and eventually to answers and solutions. Teach your children to question their stressors and gradually they’ll learn to identify options themselves.

But many parents respond to their kids’ problems in one of three unproductive ways. Which is your most likely response to your child saying, e.g., she won’t get into the college she wants?
1. Say why she has the problem: “That’s because you don’t study enough.”
2. Immediately offer options: “Apply to more schools.”
3. Solve the problem: “Don’t worry. We’ll get you into that school.”

Instead, teach your kids how to think and problem-solve by teaching them these five steps:
1. Have him describe his problem while you lovingly, supportively, and nonjudgmentally listen – versus interrogate. It’s OK to see the problem differently than he. How he sees it is all that matters for now. If he gets stuck describing his problem, ask the journalist’s questions to explore his perception: who, what, when, where, why.
2. Develop empathy: ask how he felt when his problem occurred. Ask how others involved felt (especially with younger kids who aren’t emotionally sophisticated and with any distraught child.)
3. Brainstorm options: kids often give ideas that are basically the same without going beyond the obvious. For example, a young child may say options in making up with a friend are:
· “Say I’m sorry.”
· “Say I feel bad.”
· “Say I feel sad.”
Encourage him to come up with a variety of different answers.
4. Consequences: For each option have him identify the possible positive and negative consequences.
5. Choose the best option: based on the consequences encourage him to choose the option that best solves his problem.

Let’s use the example of your teenager procrastinating on homework. Invite him to go through these steps to avoid this happening again.

Parent: “What’s going on with your science project?”
Son: “It’s so juvenile.”
Parent: “Too easy, huh?” (Paraphrase)
Son: “Yeah. Mrs. Thompson thinks we’re morons.”
Parent: “So you procrastinate because it’s too easy.” (Paraphrase)
Son: “I guess so.”
Parent: “How do you feel when you procrastinate?”
Son: “Pressured.”
Parent: “How do you think I feel when you procrastinate and expect me to help you at the last minute?
Son: “Irritated?”
Parent: “You got it. What can you do to avoid procrastinating?”
Son: “Do it the first night and get it out of the way.”
Parent: “What else?”
Son: “Get it done during study halls.”

Keep asking, “What else” until he runs out of ideas. Then ask about the negative and
positive consequences of each and have him choose his best option.

Coming to his own conclusions is far better than telling him what to do because it teaches his problem-solving without having to resist you.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Children need hope and optimism to deal with stress
Pessimistic people get depressed much more often
Stress for Success
February 14, 2012


No matter how wonderful and stable a child’s life may seem, she still has stress: rejection by friends, difficulty with homework, dealing with a bully.
Your children need to know that when they experience these set-backs, life’s not over; tomorrow is another day.

Children need hope and optimism to be resilient to stress and to persist in dealing with life’s inevitable ups and downs. The more realistically optimistic your children, the better they’ll deal with stress – usually.

Optimism is the fourth component your children’s Stress Safety Net, which helps them feel safe, secure and loved. This gives them the foundation to better handle stress throughout their lives.

Dr. Martin Seligman, a highly respected researcher in the field of cognitive psychology, has found in more than 1,000 studies involving more than a half-million children and adults, pessimistic people do worse than optimistic people in three ways, they:
· Get depressed much more often;
· Achieve less at school, on the job and in sports;
· Their physical health is worse;

With today’s depression rate ten times that of the 1950s, anything that can fight depression is vitally important, which optimism does.

However, sometimes pessimism is the more appropriate response. When the consequences are high that an optimistic view is wrong, it’s better to go with a pessimistic perception. For example, an optimistic perception of cheating on a test would be, “I won’t get caught.” If the consequences of being caught are too great, then the pessimistic, “I’ll get caught,” is the better way to go.

To help your children become more optimistic teach them the connection between their thoughts, feelings and behavior; what they think about a stressor determines how they feel emotionally about it, which determines how they react to it. Teach them that all-or-nothing words like always, never, everyone, no one, are indicators they’re probably thinking pessimistically and adding unnecessary stress to difficult situations.

For example, your daughter’s very interested in the boy who’s approaching her in the hall. She’s thinking, “He’ll never notice me because I’m always so boring.” She feels anxious, worthless and pessimistic.

Teach her, however, that she’s not feeling these emotions because he ignores her but rather because of what she’s telling herself about this possibility. Teach her to change what she thinks in order to change how she feels and responds.

She could think more optimistically, “Here he comes. He hasn’t noticed me before but maybe I can engage him in conversation. He won’t notice me unless I assertive myself.”

Obviously, he still may have no interest but - and this is a huge but – she can limit the damage by spinning it more optimistically. Understanding she feels rotten because she tells herself rotten things about herself teaches her to change what she thinks to something like, “It’s his loss.”

Many adults never learn that their feelings are determined by what they say to themselves. They never learn to take charge of their thinking. Instead, give your kids the gift of optimism with this self-empowering and stress reducing understanding.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Teach your positive values to help your kids with their stress
Stress for Success
January 31, 2012


The world is full of stress and it’s your responsibility to teach your children how to handle it.

To help you create a relationship that encourages your children to be open to your advice, create a Stress Safety Net (SSN) for your kids so they can feel safe, secure and loved. In recent weeks, I’ve covered two of the six components of the SSN:
1. Parents as role models;
2. Unconditional love;
Today we’ll consider teaching your children your positive values.

A positive value is a belief that produces corresponding behaviors that serve both the practitioner and those on the receiving end of their value-guided behavior. So honesty is good for the honest person and for those around her.

Values define you. They serve as a road map in deciding how to handle situations and to live authentically. For example, you’ve taught your daughter to respect others, which includes not harassing anyone. When her friends bully another child your daughter doesn’t participate and may even tell her friends to stop. Conversely, going against a held value would create stress for your daughter.

If your kids don’t learn their values from you, from whom will they?

To teach your positive values, identify a stressful situation in which your child is involved. Which values would be help him handle the situation? If he’s deciding upon which college to attend would encouraging values like curiosity and open-mindedness be potentially helpful?

Next, teach your values through these five steps:
1. Role model the value yourself. The biggest teacher of your values is how you live your life. If you value privacy and get upset when your child walks into your room unannounced, how can he learn this value if you walk into his room unannounced?
2. State your value frequently. When appropriate explain your value, whether during a conversation or a TV show. My father often said in response to certain situations, “There’s nothing worse than a liar.” To this day honesty is one of my strongest values.
3. Praise your child when she abides by a value, especially in a tough situation like a friend pressuring her to cheat and she says “no.” Praise her courage (another value) for doing something unpopular.
4. Discuss positive and negative consequences of living and not living by certain values. Positive consequences of being curious might include learning more, making life more interesting and fun, having friends who are also curious. On the down side, too much curiosity might find you poking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Identifying both positive and negative consequences of a value helps define which limits might be wise to impose.
5. Be honest about your lapses living up to your own values. Like the father who admitted to his kids that he isn’t always completely honest with his own mother when she asks him if he’s busy. Minimize your kids’ cynicism by admitting and explaining your lapses.

Values serve as anchors in this stormy world. Give your children positive ones to navigate successfully.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Assure kids of your love and support
Stress for Success
January 24, 2012


To build your children’s Stress Safety Net (SSN) the second and most important component is your unconditional love: to love them without condition. It’s the thread that holds everything together.

Unconditional love doesn’t require you to always approve of their behavior; you love them in spite of it. You’re there for them, yet won’t necessarily rescue them from foolish behavior. You can apply consequences to their misbehavior, even punish them, and still love them.

Todd stood by his teenage son who repeatedly got into trouble with the law. Each time he received a call from the police, he’d go through the process without rescuing him and assuring him of his love while his son faced the consequences. Eventually, his son got involved in sports and slowly straightened himself out. He even thanked Todd for making him take responsibility for his own behavior while still supporting him.

Unconditional love requires connecting with your kids regularly, lovingly, playfully, and much more often than not, positively. This allows you to survive the normal, uncomfortable connections.

Keep in mind, if your kids don’t connect with you positively, they’ll connect with you negatively; chronic fighting and clinging are examples.

A young single mother of two small children felt drained most of the time working a full-time job and managing the home front all alone. When home she raced around trying to get everything done. Her kids clung to her making it even more difficult. Someone advised her to spend an uninterrupted weekend hour with both of her kids doing fun things together. Much to her amazement, after a couple of weeks, her kids quit clinging to her the rest of the week. They’d been starved for her full attention. Once they received it they felt more secure and loved.

With all kids these moments are to create a trusting relationship. With older kids they’re also to know what’s going on in their lives. Peer pressure can get them into situations they’re unable to handle well. You must keep your eyes open to what your kids, their friends, and other kids in their age group are doing.

Whatever your child’s age, these connections don’t have to be time consuming; most take just minutes. Like reading your child a story after school, watching TV together, sitting together while you both do your “homework,” or daily exchanging hugs and kisses in the car.

All kids, regardless of their ages and resistance, need these special moments. Nurture them.

Unconditional love also requires being nonjudgmental. Judgments feel like you’re putting a condition on your love. As parents you want to help your children do well admonishing, “Don’t be a slob chewing with your mouth open.” “You’re too lazy about school work.”

Instead of labeling your child lazy or a slob, describe the behavior you want to change. “Chew with your mouth closed, please,” or “Set aside two hours to do homework when you get home.” Your kids respond better when you deliver it this way.

Next week we’ll cover teaching your children your positive values.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Parents role models for children’s behavior
Kids learn more from you, especially at earlier ages, than from any other source
Stress for Success
January 17, 2012


Teaching kids how to manage their stress is a gift that will pay them dividends for the rest of their lives.

First build them a Stress Safety Net (SSN) so they can feel safe, secure and loved. This creates a springboard from which they can launch into their challenges and opportunities. The first component of this SSN is “Parents as Role Models,” (adapted from my audio program, “Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress.”)

Parents are their children’s number one role models. Kids learn more from you, especially at earlier ages, than from any other source. What has your own stress management style taught your children, who learn from both your effective and ineffective strategies? How you communicate, manage your emotions and handle conflicts teach your children something.

To become conscious of what you’re teaching your kids, ask yourself, “Is how I’m handling this stressful situation how I want to teach my kids to handle similar situations?” If not, you need to learn to better handle it yourself. You cannot teach what you don’t understand, so learn and practice stress reduction skills for yourself. Your children will learn from your example.

An essential tool to improve what you model is to understand that the role you play with your children largely dictates their role in reaction to you. A change in your role almost always brings about a change in your child’s behavior. For example, if you constantly remind your kids to do their homework – the reminder role - they’ll react by taking on the role of forgetful or dutiful child perhaps. If you’re not happy with the forgetful role you may nag that child to remind her to do her homework. But your reminder role keeps her in her forgetful role!

The point? To get a different outcome with her change the role you’re playing: stop reminding. Identify and announce a different role that would encourage her to take more responsibility like the supportive role. Only step in to help her with homework when she asks. This new role requires you to stop reminding her. If she chooses to forget she’ll pay the consequences. She’ll probably blame you for her own forgetfulness but don’t get hooked by that. One day she’ll figure out that you truly have stopped reminding leaving her to remind herself.

In situations that your kids aren’t handling well figure out if the role you’re playing makes you part of the solution or part of the problem. If part of the problem, which other role could you play to encourage your kids to handle the situation more responsibly? If your child has been accused of stealing again and you normally play the protector role shielding them from consequences by denying their culpability, could you take on the investigator role instead and look for the facts before deciding how to handle it?

Understanding that the roles you play actually set the stage for your kids’ behavior opens up entirely new options in changing yourself in hopes of encouraging more responsible behavior from them.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Create a stress safety net for your kids
Stress for Success
January 10, 2012


You can’t prevent your kids from experiencing stress (although many “helicopter parents” try their best) but there is much you can do to help them learn to handle it.

All kids need to feel safe, secure and loved. A 35-year study that followed 87 Harvard College men into middle age found the healthiest at age 55 were those who said their parents were the most caring. The young men who said their parents were less loving, and especially those who saw their parents as unjust, were most likely to have illnesses like heart disease and hypertension by age 55.

Parents are the main anchors in children’s lives. When kids feel cared for and loved, their moment-to-to-moment stress is reduced lowering their stress hormones thereby improving immune function, setting the stage for a healthier adulthood.

So, talk to your children. Find out if they feel loved. This isn’t about buying them stuff. It’s about accepting their perceptions of their relationship with you as the truth and acting in a way that your children may experience you as fair and loving.

Just as a trapeze artist can practice new moves with more confidence and less fear knowing there is a safety net below to catch her if she falls, so, too, can children take new risks, try new stress management behaviors, when they know they have a safety net to fall back on when something goes wrong.

Build a stress safety net for the kids in your life. There are six components (adapted from my audio program “Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress):
1. Parents as role models;
2. Unconditional love;
3. Values;
4. Hope and optimism;
5. Problem-solving;
6. Personal responsibility;

If you have a mostly loving relationship with your children you can begin immediately to teach them stress management skills.

However, if you have a distant and distrustful relationship, you’ll need to concentrate on establishing a loving and trusting one first, before they will be open to you teaching them the skills that will follow in future articles. Concentrate on creating the safety net for the next months. When more trust evolves, then you can teach them how to think and how to problem solve.

We don’t normally think about teaching someone how to think. Yet your stressors begin and end with your thoughts about them. Your thoughts represent your beliefs, the underlying source of much stress. Your thoughts trigger your emotional reactions, which dictate your behavioral reactions. For example, your 15-year-old is nervous about a Spanish test. He knows he’ll do terribly (his belief). He tells himself, “I’m so stupid. I’m going to flunk this test.” (Belief/perception communicated through his thoughts.) He feels great anxiety and fear (stress emotions) and feels sick to his stomach (the fight/flight hormones wreaking havoc on his body.)

As a parent how should you handle this? Tell him how smart he is? Confirm that he does poorly in Spanish? Over the following weeks we’ll explore how you can help him handle this and many other challenges.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her audio program Teaching Kids how to Manage Stress and her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Help your children feel safe, secure, loved
Stress for Success
January 3, 2012


Are your kids stressed? You need to know because they’re bombarded by stress and have fewer resources than adults to deal with it.

They’re also incredibly resilient, handling much stress and surviving parental missteps. Occasional parental screw-up won’t scar them for life. What’s most important is having ongoing, regular interactions with them – mostly loving and supportive - to weather the normal parent/child tensions.

Loving relationships require regularly spending time connecting with them.

To feel safe kids need you, your values and boundaries to define themselves. This helps them learn how to handle life versus feeling unsafe and reacting out of fear and anxiety, inhibiting learning.

Since you cannot completely shield your kids from stress, the best gift you can give them is to help them feel safe, secure and loved. Rather than tell them what to do teach them how to think through their problems, identify options and their consequences.

But first, recognize when they’re stressed. Here are some age-related symptoms:
· Birth to seven: They operate more emotionally than intellectually reacting to stress with fear and anxiety. They make up all kinds of scary scenarios like wild animals lurking outside. They aren’t sophisticated enough to solve most of their problems so you must comfort and calm them when they’re hurt and afraid, explain things to them, teach and protect them.

Their symptoms include changes in mood, behavior and physical health: e.g., more tantrums, greater fear of separation, stuttering, regression to earlier behaviors, refusal to play, sleeping and eating changes.
· 8 – 12: Their world is fast expanding with more responsibilities, choices, and fears of grown-up stuff. Fitting in with peers is more important so fear of rejection by them is common. Their independence/dependence battle also grows. They’re more unpredictable being loving one moment and lashing out the next. Take their sarcasm and insults lightly. Wisely pick and choose your battles.

They’re enthusiastic learners so purposefully teach them stress management skills. Offer your protection and guidance in a fashion that’s respectful of their growing independence.

Their stress symptoms include changes in mood, behavior and physical health plus changes in thinking. They experience more fear and worry, various aches and pains with no apparent physiological cause, perfectionism, refusal to go to school, lower grades.
· 13 – 18: They’re so sure they know everything yet want to be taken care of, too. They’re more independent, secretive and protective of their space. You’ll often feel shut out. They’re away from home more. Peer pressure has built and can get them into possibly life-threatening situations. Hopefully when faced with important decisions they’ll make wise choices.

Continue to offer your protection and connection though they may resist it. Replace forcing them with influencing them. Assertively state your expectations and the consequences if they choose to behave unacceptably. Follow through with your consequences to have credibility.

Their symptoms are also in thinking, mood, behavior, and physical health; e.g., increased aggression, withdrawal, eating disorders, mood swings, depression, truancy.

Next week I’ll cover creating a stress safety net for your kids.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Take stock of past year before setting your sights on next
Stress for Success
December 27, 2011


How was your 2011? Did you accomplish your 2011 New Year’s resolutions like lose those ten pounds or save more money?

In approaching the New Year we typically think of what we’ll resolve to do in the next year. However, first taking stock of the year you just lived helps you better plan for the next.

At the beginning of 2011, if you had answered the following “magic questions” what would your answers have been?
· What did you want more of? E.g., more time with family, more energy, more savings
· What did you want less of? E.g., fewer arguments, less TV watching, less debt

Your answers make up your desires and wants; your potential goals. Write your answers as they would have been last January.

Next, assess how you did in reaching your goals. Then determine how important each was and still is to you.

If you didn’t make progress on your objectives, why didn’t you? Were your sights set too high? If so, cut them down into more digestible, bite-size targets: instead of losing 20 pounds shoot to lose ten.

Determine how badly you wanted to accomplish them. I believe ultimately we do what we truly want to do. So if you vowed you wanted to have fewer arguments with your spouse but that didn’t happen, what might you be getting out of the continuation of the arguments? Are you a controller and convinced you’re right and s/he’s wrong and it would be going against your own beliefs to back down so you keep arguing? To prove you’re right? Or do the arguments supply the drama you grew up with and grew accustomed to? An absence of this might make you feel uncomfortable.
Also, look at how the goal above is phrased: “to want fewer arguments,” versus “to have fewer arguments.” The former is a desire, the latter requires changing your behavior. Make your new 2012 goal into a specific, measurable behavioral change: “To decrease arguments with my spouse by 50% by June 2012.” This requires you to start by counting how many arguments you presently have before you can begin to decrease them by 50%. It also requires you to have a strategy of how to stop arguing. What is that strategy? Will you deep breathe each time you feel your blood pressure go up with him/her to calm yourself? Will you program yourself to stop arguing, like, “I respond calmly and avoid arguments.”

The truth is, if you don’t really want to accomplish your goals you won’t. And holding onto an unattained goal is stressful. So, set yourself up for success by creating goals:
· You truly want to accomplish;
· That once you achieve them you’ll feel better about yourself;
· That are realistic and measurable;
· That are written down on paper;

The New Year can be a symbolic new beginning and a potentially good time to commit to desired, realistic and rewarding change.

Happy New Year.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Positive life values can ease holiday stress
Stress for Success
December 20, 2011


Are holiday shopping, cooking - not to mention working - exhausting you?

To make this hectic time less overwhelming let your positive life values serve as your problem-solving and decision-making compass.

Your values determine what you think is right and wrong. They help you plot a course through your stressful world with greater clarity and purpose versus allowing prevailing winds dictate your actions.

Your values determine your character and affect everything you are and do. For example, a store clerk gives you too much change. Valuing honesty over money means you'll return it.

You need clear values and an unwavering commitment to them according to "Stress: Living and Working in a Changing World," by Manning, Curtis and McMillan. They believe "arrested development" occurs when you fail to complete any of the following requirements:
· Know your values
· Cherish them
· Declare them
· Act habitually on them

Consciously choose which values you want to guide your behavior such as:

Acceptance of others as they are
Fairness
Personal growth
Achievement
Family
Personal power
Appearance
Fitness
Physical health
Arts
Honesty
Privacy
Career
Leisure
Quiet time
Creativity
Love
Recognition
Education
Loyalty
Relationships
Enjoyment
Money
Respect for self/others

If you value quiet time but have a house-full of guests consciously allow your values of family and relationships to prevail during their stay. You’re not giving up your quiet time value; you’re just choosing to temporarily accentuate relationships.

To de-stress when someone pushes in front of you, consciously remind yourself that you value “patience” and “acceptance of others.”

Diminish becoming frenzied as you madly dash around making final preparations by focusing on those you’re doing everything for. Ask why you’re doing it, which exposes your values:
· “It brings me joy to please those I love.” Values of “pleasing others”, “love”, and “relationships” are present. As the pressure mounts, remind yourself consciously of these values to de-stress.
· Answers can also uncover stressful values like perfectionism or meeting others’ expectations of you. “I’m doing this because I should; because no one else does it as well as I; if I don’t no one else will; everybody expects me to.” If pleasing others is fear-driven it’s a negative value that can only lead to holiday stress.

Ask yourself, “What do I want to do (vs. have to do)? What do I prefer happen (vs. what should happen)?” To free yourself pursue what you want and prefer vs. what you should or have to do.

Before potentially stressful events, identify which values to honor. For instance, you and your nemesis attend the same Christmas party. Your typical reactions to each other are competitive and defensive. To honor the values you want to display repeat a mantra over and over affirming them: “I respect him and accept him as he is.” Repetitively recite this to yourself before and during the party to act in accordance with your values.

Look ahead to the stressful holiday challenges. Consciously choose the positive values you want to express to serve as your behavioral compass.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Domestic violence from the victim’s point of view
Stress for Success
December 6, 2011


October was Awareness Month for both Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence (DV). Since it’s difficult to be noticed while competing with breast cancer awareness I’m focusing on domestic violence this month.

To increase understanding of DV I’ve enlisted the help of Abuse Counseling and Treatment (ACT) community educator Christine Kobie.

During stressful times, family arguments over such issues as housework, finances, parenting styles, or sex tend to increase. How each person handles their issues determines whether the conflicts become opportunities to strengthen their relationship or become a matter of power and control. Quarrels accompanied by alcohol and drugs can escalate violence. A relationship becomes unhealthy when jealousy, money, coercion, insults, threats, manipulation or physical violence are used to win arguments or to control the other person.

Those affected by domestic violence go into a survival mode, which creates an overall stress consuming their entire being. Physical signs of stress can include changes in eating patterns, body aches, fatigue, headaches, and of course pain from actual physical abuse. Emotional and psychological effects may include feelings of numbness, isolation, depression, confusion, and constant fear, while being hyper-alert.

Societal opinions and ignorance regarding abusive relationship dynamics often blame the victim creating a fear of judgment from loved ones. One client reported feeling as if everyone knew her secret; her neighbors, friends, family and co-workers. Victims often isolate themselves for fear of someone getting close and finding out the truth of what is going on in the home. When there’s noticeable evidence of violence the victim invents believable excuses for those around her.

Victims of DV can become paralyzed by their fears and worries over increased violence, keeping the peace, the effects on the kids, saving enough money to move to a safe place, and finding the strength to keep trying. It’s common that children are used as pawns in a game through threats to take them away.

Domestic violence also impacts employers when an employee misses work due to an injury. Some abusive partners also create problems by repeatedly calling the workplace, showing up and causing a disruption or by not allowing the employee to leave for work, forcing her to be late or to miss work. The victim is usually in a constant state of fear of losing her job; getting fired means financial dependence giving the abusive partner even more control.

The stress of living with family violence can be alleviated through:
· Counseling: many clients find common ground with others in their session. ACT provides counseling, helps create safety plans and offers emergency shelter for victims, their children and pets. The 24-hour hotline is (239) 939-3112.
· Daily journaling, reading, warm baths and walks outside help clear the mind and relax the body.

Christine Kobie, international speaker and ACT public educator, teaches healthy parenting and violence prevention throughout Lee County to parents and in schools, medical settings, and detention centers. Christine has appeared on many local and national radio and talk shows. Schedule a presentation or request more information by emailing her at ckobie@actabuse.com.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Home not always place to find respite, safety
Stress for Success
November 30, 2011


Home is supposed to be welcoming, comfortable and pleasant; a respite away from your active and often stressful public life.

But what if you don’t feel safe in your own home? What if your home is more of a prison than a refuge? What if you fear for not only your own safety but for that of your children? The stress this creates is something families free of domestic violence can only attempt to understand.

October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month, competing with Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So I’ve waited until now to address the potentially extreme stress of domestic violence.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org, domestic violence includes:
· A pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.
· It can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Physical abuse includes:
· Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc.
· It also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

Sexual abuse is:
· Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent including but not limited to marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional abuse is:
· Undermining someone’s sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem.
· This may include constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic abuse:
· Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

Psychological abuse:
· Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

If you need help, call the National domestic violence hotlines:
· 800-799-SAFE (7293)
· 800-787-3224

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Being grateful balances stress
Stress for Success
November 22, 2011


Thanksgiving reminds us to be grateful for what we have. This balances stress by providing a better perspective on life.

Listing what you’re grateful for in difficult situations also limits their ability to overwhelm you. So, if you’re stressed by a traffic jam remind yourself you’re grateful you’re A-C works, there’s good music to listen to, etc.

Today I challenge you to stretch your conscious awareness of what you’re grateful for. This serves as a reminder that life is significantly better than you sometimes think.

Here’s my partial list. I’ll start at the beginning.

I’m grateful I was born to my parents who encouraged in all of us kids curiosity, personal responsibility, self-confidence, kindness, etc. They passed on their love of music and supported our vocal and instrumental musical development. This gave me the wonderful skill of reading music, opening up a life-time of joy. The challenge of reading, learning and performing with the Symphonic Chorale of SW FL (our new name) gives me bliss.

I’m also grateful my parents encouraged me to pursue whatever I wanted, which led me to a great education and a 27-month stint in the Peace Corps. This experience greatly expanded my mind through adventures, learning a second language and fascinating relationships. It made me realize I needed to work in the world of ideas, which has fueled my motivation since the 1970s.

I’m eternally grateful that I married a loving, kind, intelligent, creative and funny man; my best friend for almost 35 years. I’m thankful for the trust we have and the security that engenders. This loving existence almost certainly contributes to our on-going good health, for which I’m eternally thankful.

I’m also eternally grateful for our wide circle of dear friends. We’ve helped each other through great times and not-so-great ones. We’re always there for each other. We laugh and we cry - together.

I must include our local weather: no hurricanes this year, just plenty of nourishing rain, and an early fall, always good for my thinning MN blood.

We’re grateful our house sale, finding and buying a new one and moving are behind us. Good grief! We’re thankful our beloved cat, who went missing for two weeks after moving into our new neighborhood, found his way back home. We’re so impressed with the many kind neighbors who helped us look for him.

I’m grateful for sunsets and sun rises, the sound of the wind through the pine trees, no mortgage, funny people, my husband’s great cooking, the sweet premature babies I volunteer with at Health Park and the incredible nurses who run the Progressive Care Nursery. I’m thankful for a good night’s sleep, meditation, a commitment to things that are bigger than myself, that I virtually never get bored, and summers off – soon.

What are you thankful for? Make a very long list. Review it, especially when times are difficult. In anxious situations list a few things about that very situation for which you’re grateful. You minimize your stress each time you do this.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Cause of your stress not always what you think
Stress for Success
November 15, 2011


Do you assume you usually know what causes your stress? Are you sure you’re right?

Often what you think is stressing you really isn’t. That’s why accurately identifying the actual cause of your stress is the first step in managing it.

To do this you need to understand the most important point in stress management: stress is in the mind of the beholder. What stresses you may or may not stress me and vice versa. In other words, more often than not, your stress is in how you interpret situations; more often than not much if not most of your stress is in your head.

For example, what’s your attitude toward our winter visitors? If you’re grateful for the business they represent you’re probably not, in general, be stressed by them. But if you find traffic jams and long lines at area restaurants aggravating you’re stressed and may wish the Snow Birds would go back home!

I hate to tell you this, but the Snow Birds aren’t causing your stress. If they were, everyone would have to be equally stressed by them.

It’s not to say you should or shouldn’t think about our tourist season in any certain way. The point is that stress is in the mind of the beholder. When you behold irritation and inconvenience you’re stressed. When you behold economic gain you’re not.

To complicate the picture, every day humans find what they look for. If you perceive the tourist season to be a hassle, you’ll look for and find evidence of it. If you see economic benefits you’ll look for and find confirmation of that.

Miss this point and you’ll miss great opportunities for problem-solving, therefore stress reduction. Here’s why.

Your perception or interpretation of stressors determines the options you can see to solve them. Assuming tourists stress you leaves you with no real options for problem-solving because your view suggests the tourists must change for you to feel better. When will this happen? Don’t hold your breath! Tourists are beyond your control. Effective problem-solving requires you to invest your energy into that which is within your control.

What is within your control is your choice of reactions. “In all situations that stress you, you have a minimum of two options. You can go crazy or you can go peacefully. The choice is always yours.” – Adelle Greenfield.

If you want to go more peacefully and lower your stress coping with heavy traffic and the busyness tourism brings to our area, what are your options? You could put on relaxing music when stuck in traffic, avoid traffic when possible during rush hours, leave early, you could focus on the benefits of tourism, or you could find some humor in frustrating situations. It’s really up to you how much stress you experience.

So what’s it going to be? Do you want to go crazy or go peacefully? The choice truly is yours. Make your choice soon because with any luck we’ll have a great and busy upcoming season.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Post-traumatic Stress sufferers need security
Insecurity at root of fear, overreactions
Stress for Success
September 13, 2011


The American Legion has supported veterans suffering from combat stress since World War I, when returned vets were turning up in jails, hospitals, asylums and on street corners, haunted by battles long-gone. Legion research exposed this problem, which helped create the VA.

Decades of wars and research later combat stress is now known as post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. The Legion dropped “disorder” because of its stigmatizing implication since many soldiers avoid treatment for fear it will hurt their careers. So I’ll refer to the condition as PTS.

About 20% of Iraq/Afghanistan soldiers are returning with PTS or depression, which is compounded by traumatic brain injury (TBI) and sexual assaults, states a 2008 study by the RAND Corporation. Approximately half have sought treatment from the VA.

According to the cover story of the September 2011 The American Legion magazine, “The War Within: the battle against post-traumatic stress,” today’s vets have benefitted from earlier vets’ experiences. Upon returning home, Viet Nam veterans rejected the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia says Ken Jones, a veteran of that war. He says, “We don’t know what we are, but we aren’t that.” Back before PTS was understood, clinicians diagnosed many vets with paranoid schizophrenia due to their reported symptoms like flashbacks and hyper-vigilance that resembled schizophrenia’s diagnostic criteria of hallucinations and paranoia. Viet Nam era soldiers’ experiences brought PTS to the attention of the medical and research communities and has helped all sufferers of post-trauma stress.

What struck me from the article was a statement made by returning soldier’s wife, Melissa Seligman, when her husband described the aftermath of a suicide bombing he witnessed in Iraq. She said, “There’s something so horrible about somebody being so traumatized … (and) there’s no emotion attached.”

Imagine what the brain must do to detach so from the trauma.

I spoke about PTS with a dear friend, Dr. John Klebba, PhD, Physiological Psychology, a retired Naval Reserve Captain in Naval Intelligence. Jack participated in debriefing of prisoners of war from Viet Nam in 1973 so has first-hand experience with survivors of war trauma.


Dr. Klebba said, “I believe the essential aspect of treating PTSD is the rebuilding of self-confidence and security. Fear is a severe feeling of insecurity. After experiencing the traumas associated with combat those personnel afflicted with PTSD are sensitized to endocrine-neurologically over-react to almost any event they perceive as threatening their sense of security.

“The civilian aspects of coping (achieving security) involve good relationships with family, friends and co-workers. The more competently the PTSD person can handle these situations, the less fearful will be their life-space, and less often will the sympathetic (fight-or-flight) nervous system be called into play.

“In many cases there will be instances when the chimeras come storming back, so it is important that the PTSD person be given ‘go-to’ strategies such as whom to call (e.g., VA crisis line: 800-273-8255, press 1), Transcendental Meditation, physical exercise, etc. The more secure and the better they cope the less anxious, misbehaved or depressed they’ll be.”

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Transcendental Meditation can balance the PTSD brain
Do it twice a day to reduce stress
Stress for Success
September 6, 2011


If you suffer from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder due to repetitive childhood trauma and/or from serving in war zones would you be interested in significantly reducing your symptoms through a natural and free practice? Would it be worth developing this technique and practicing it daily?

Transcendental Meditation, T.M., is the technique I’m referring to. It was introduced by Maharishi Mahesh Yogii in 1957. Contrary to what some believe TM isn’t a religion nor based on any religious teaching requiring any particular set of beliefs.

Scores of independent scientific studies have established TM’s value. The Journal of Clinical Psychology in 1989, for example, compared the effectiveness of different relaxation techniques in lowering anxiety. TM was found to make the greatest difference. TM was found to help decrease depression, digestive problems, insomnia, psychosomatic disease, and reliance on smoking (for more information go to www.natural-healing-for-all.com).

It’s applicability to treating PTSD was established by University of CO neurophysiologist Dr. James Austin who documented through the fMRI how T.M. rewires brain circuitry for greater calmness that the trauma wired for anxiety. Also, a pilot study published in the June 2011 issue of Military Medicine found military veterans experienced a 50% reduction in PTSD symptoms after only eight weeks of practicing T.M.

To learn T.M.:
1. Choose a mantra, which is a sound, syllable, word or phrase on which to focus; e.g., “God is love,” “I’m relaxed.”
2. Get comfortable in a quiet place eliminating distractions like kids and telephones. To successfully meditate you must focus. You can lie or sit down.
3. Close your eyes and relax each separate part of your body starting with your feet, working to the top of your head. This becomes easier with practice.
4. Deepen your relaxation by breathing deeper and slower. Consciously inhale slowly and deeply; exhale slowly. Exhale more deeply than you inhale. Count your breaths: inhale to the count of six; hold your breath for four counts; exhale to nine, and hold again for four counts; do over and over. Notice your mind and body relaxing more and more.
5. Focus on your mantra. Repeat it softly for one minute. Each time say it more and more softly. Once you’ve said it as softly as you can, repeat your mantra only in your mind. Don’t force yourself to concentrate on it but feel it relax you. You may become easily distracted at first. If so, deep breathe and refocus on your mantra. Your focus will improve dramatically with practice.
6. Focus on feeling your connection to life itself, while continuing to mentally repeat your mantra for about twenty minutes. When distracting thoughts come to your mind, or if you forget your mantra, calmly allow it to come back and return to focus back on your mantra.

Return your attention to your surroundings naturally after twenty minutes. Always stretch before you get up.

If you suffer from PTSD practice TM twice daily for at least two months to see if it begins to diminish your symptoms. You have nothing to lose but stress.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.

Repetitive trauma rewires human brain
Vivid memories, hormones protect us from threats
Stress for Success
August 23, 2011


Those who’ve experienced repetitive trauma have probably experienced the re-wiring of their brains for survival purposes. This re-wiring can also cause great distress through Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD - symptoms like nightmares, panic attacks, depression, etc.

But why are some people more vulnerable to developing these symptoms than others who’ve gone through the same experiences, like war time trauma?

Here’s an abbreviated explanation, adapted from Pamela Wolf’s book, “Finding Balance after the War Zone,” minus the scientific terminology, to gain a better understanding of how the brain functions to protect you from threat.

The brain structures that regulate our stress reactions include the:
· Primitive “Reptilian Brain” stem;
· More recent limbic system or “Mammalian Brain”, especially the amygdala;
· Highest and most recently developed cerebral cortex;

The most powerful player is the amygdala, whose purpose is to protect us like a guard dog responding to threat. It stores unconscious emotional “flashbulb memories” and reacts to incoming stimuli by recalling memories that might be related. So a gunshot and a car backfiring can be perceived to be the same. When the amygdala receives signals that remind it of past threats, even if very different from previous threats, it recalls those memories as if they were happening now, releasing powerful hormones:
· Sympathetic nervous system’s (SNS) adrenaline, norepinephrine, etc., which are meant for vigorous exercise like the physical fight/flight in response to threat;
· Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) hormones like cortisol, oxytocin, etc.;

An important job of the brain is to create resiliency for bouncing back after stress by balancing the SNS and PSN chemical systems.

Our astonishing brains have also developed more sophisticated structures to help the primitive amygdala understand what’s really happening, to decide whether or not to release stress hormones, and when to stop by:
· Providing conscious, detailed memories of what happened in the past to put into perspective what’s happening now.
· Helping reason with the amygdala by working with other brain regions when the amygdala overreacts.
· Assessing the threat, weighing the options and consequences and coming up with a plan to calm the amygdala.

All of these are meant to facilitate handling present day stress, slow down reaction time to stress to allow for better problem-solving, and to self-soothe.

A problem for some PTSD sufferers however, is these higher brain regions that balance the reactive amygdala are developed during one’s brain growth-spurt in infancy, through loving caregivers who:
· Provide important receptive face-to-face contact;
· Demonstrate an understanding of our needs and feelings;
· Respond to our stress in soothing ways that in turn teach us to self-soothe;
· Validate the world is generally a safe place;

But if your trauma is childhood abuse you were less likely to experience this calming caregiving. According to Wolfe, over-development of the emotional sections of your brain and under-development of the higher brain functions can make you more vulnerable to developing PTSD symptoms. Next week we’ll consider ways to diminish those symptoms.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.