Positive life values can ease holiday stress
Stress for Success
December 20, 2011


Are holiday shopping, cooking - not to mention working - exhausting you?

To make this hectic time less overwhelming let your positive life values serve as your problem-solving and decision-making compass.

Your values determine what you think is right and wrong. They help you plot a course through your stressful world with greater clarity and purpose versus allowing prevailing winds dictate your actions.

Your values determine your character and affect everything you are and do. For example, a store clerk gives you too much change. Valuing honesty over money means you'll return it.

You need clear values and an unwavering commitment to them according to "Stress: Living and Working in a Changing World," by Manning, Curtis and McMillan. They believe "arrested development" occurs when you fail to complete any of the following requirements:
· Know your values
· Cherish them
· Declare them
· Act habitually on them

Consciously choose which values you want to guide your behavior such as:

Acceptance of others as they are
Fairness
Personal growth
Achievement
Family
Personal power
Appearance
Fitness
Physical health
Arts
Honesty
Privacy
Career
Leisure
Quiet time
Creativity
Love
Recognition
Education
Loyalty
Relationships
Enjoyment
Money
Respect for self/others

If you value quiet time but have a house-full of guests consciously allow your values of family and relationships to prevail during their stay. You’re not giving up your quiet time value; you’re just choosing to temporarily accentuate relationships.

To de-stress when someone pushes in front of you, consciously remind yourself that you value “patience” and “acceptance of others.”

Diminish becoming frenzied as you madly dash around making final preparations by focusing on those you’re doing everything for. Ask why you’re doing it, which exposes your values:
· “It brings me joy to please those I love.” Values of “pleasing others”, “love”, and “relationships” are present. As the pressure mounts, remind yourself consciously of these values to de-stress.
· Answers can also uncover stressful values like perfectionism or meeting others’ expectations of you. “I’m doing this because I should; because no one else does it as well as I; if I don’t no one else will; everybody expects me to.” If pleasing others is fear-driven it’s a negative value that can only lead to holiday stress.

Ask yourself, “What do I want to do (vs. have to do)? What do I prefer happen (vs. what should happen)?” To free yourself pursue what you want and prefer vs. what you should or have to do.

Before potentially stressful events, identify which values to honor. For instance, you and your nemesis attend the same Christmas party. Your typical reactions to each other are competitive and defensive. To honor the values you want to display repeat a mantra over and over affirming them: “I respect him and accept him as he is.” Repetitively recite this to yourself before and during the party to act in accordance with your values.

Look ahead to the stressful holiday challenges. Consciously choose the positive values you want to express to serve as your behavioral compass.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.