Home not always place to find respite, safety
Stress for Success
November 30, 2011


Home is supposed to be welcoming, comfortable and pleasant; a respite away from your active and often stressful public life.

But what if you don’t feel safe in your own home? What if your home is more of a prison than a refuge? What if you fear for not only your own safety but for that of your children? The stress this creates is something families free of domestic violence can only attempt to understand.

October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month, competing with Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So I’ve waited until now to address the potentially extreme stress of domestic violence.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org, domestic violence includes:
· A pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.
· It can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Physical abuse includes:
· Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc.
· It also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

Sexual abuse is:
· Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent including but not limited to marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional abuse is:
· Undermining someone’s sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem.
· This may include constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic abuse:
· Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

Psychological abuse:
· Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

If you need help, call the National domestic violence hotlines:
· 800-799-SAFE (7293)
· 800-787-3224

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.