Core beliefs can cause stress
Stress for Success
February 12, 2008


Everyone has core beliefs that drive their reactions to all of life’s situations. These are mostly established in early childhood and are very difficult to shake. But if you want to get off the treadmill of automatically reacting out of childhood programming and expand your options for reacting differently you must identify, challenge and adjust your limiting core beliefs.

At the heart of all perceptions are these beliefs. For example, a core belief that people are good and to be trusted allows you to put faith in others. However, if you believe people are untrustworthy you’ll view others suspiciously. These entirely different perceptions, based on core beliefs, will lead to drastically different relationships.

To identify core beliefs driving your stressful reactions, allowing you to challenge and ultimately modify them to respond more productively, use the Repetitive Why Technique.

For instance, much of Irene's stress comes from being a pleaser. She overextends herself to help others to the detriment of taking care of herself, she says what others want to hear, and she says "yes" when she wants to say "no."

One day her boss needed something done by 2 p.m. Irene knew she wouldn't be able to get it done given her other responsibilities, but instead of saying so she said, "okay." To be more honest she needs to identify and change her underlying core belief, which paves the way for her to set appropriate limits.

With the Repetitive Why Technique ask, "why" repeatedly regarding your reactions. She would ask herself why she didn’t tell her boss the truth. For each answer she’d ask why again. It might go something like this:
§ "Why did I say I'd get the work done when I know I can't?"
o "Because she's my boss, I have to do what she tells me."
§ "Why do I think I have to say "yes" to anything my boss asks me?"
o "Because you don't say ‘no’ to authority figures."
§ "Why can't I say ‘no’ to authority figures?"
o "Because I might get into trouble."
§ "Why would I get into trouble?"

Perhaps the answer is that she regularly got into trouble when she defied her parents so she carries into adulthood an assumption - a core belief – that she shouldn’t challenge authority. To change her passiveness she needs to challenge this core belief. She could question if any colleagues have ever gotten into trouble when they’ve said they couldn't get something done. If she can’t find evidence of this she needs to honestly explain to her boss why she cannot finish everything. She could ask the boss to prioritize her work for her. If there’s evidence that the boss punishes those who set limits she’d need to decide whether or not she could live with that.

Being chained to past programming can be extremely limiting and stressful. Core beliefs that confine you can be reprogrammed. No doubt it takes time and effort, but it can be some of the most freeing work you'll ever do.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops (like Slow Down You Move Too Fast at FGCU on March19) on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.