Play devil’s advocate when interpreting your anger issues
Stress for Success
September 30, 2008

Do you know someone who' s "enemy-based," someone who’s hyper-vigilant and distrustful? They look for and find enemies where there are none. They interpret nonverbal behavior as hostile when there is no such intent. They frequently react to life’s situations with anger, cynicism and aggression.

But they see their reactions as justified. For example, hotheads in traffic are often enemy-based blaming all those rotten drivers for a myriad of sins. Given that they probably enjoy the high of their own adrenaline they feel little motivation to curb their hostility.

Here’s why they may want to challenge their suspicious interpretation of life's events:
Research published in Circulation found that men who explode with anger are at greater risk for strokes.
The UC, Berkeley Wellness Newsletter reported that a 2002 study found that postmenopausal women with heart disease had strong hostility as an independent risk factor for a second heart attack or death.
Medical scientist Dr. Nick Hall reports that discomfort with negative emotions, especially anger, correlates with increased susceptibility to some cancers and immune system problems like rheumatoid arthritis.

Excessive anger -- over real and imagined offenses -- is bad for your health let alone your relationships.

If you frequently believe that you’re mistreated, first and foremost learn to play the devil's advocate with your interpretation of events.

For example, your spouse washed the laundry but the brown pants you wanted to wear weren't included and you blow up over it. To put into perspective how upset you "should" be ask yourself, "How important will this be in one year that my brown pants didn't get washed?"

Or rate how important the upsetting event is on a scale of 1 to 10. Then rate the intensity of your emotional reaction. Getting the pants washed you decide rates a two in importance but your outburst was a seven, which shows that you're entirely too angry about it.

Or your boss reprimands you and you assume “she’s always out to get you." How can you know if you're looking for trouble or if she’s really unfair?

Focus specifically on what she criticized. For example, she said your report was late. Well, were you late? If so, then at least that part of the reprimand was legitimate.

Next, listen to your response. "She never gets on anyone else’s case for this." Challenge extreme words such as "always." Identify, if you can, at least one time when she reprimanded someone else for this, which proves that she doesn't "always" come down only on you. If there truly is no evidence then maybe she does treat you differently. Why?

Give permission to those whom you trust to challenge your perceptions when they think you’re being “unreasonably” distrustful. Look for factual evidence of differing interpretations to assess more accurately what’s going on.

Gradually, by playing the devil's advocate with your interpretation of perceived offenses you’ll see exceptions to your suspicious assumptions, which may lead to the awareness that you’re looking for trouble more than you realize.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.