Creating a life of contentment doesn’t have to involve marriage
Stress for Success
September 16, 2008

In the early ‘90s when I conducted training for CareerTrack Seminars, I was talked into presenting a new program titled, “How to Find and Keep a Mate.” Astonishingly, hundreds of people, predominantly women, attended each workshop. They seemed to mostly want a formula for literally finding a partner. But the key to finding a mate is to live your life to the fullest and in so doing you’ll meet like-minded people, a much healthier strategy than bar-hopping.

Historically one was thought to be incomplete if they were single, at least for women. So, many single women - and some men - were on a constant quest for the perfect partner. After all, married-couple households had been the norm making up 80% of all households in 1950.

But, how times have changed!

According to the US Census Bureau today only 50% of households are married-couples. Singles are the fastest growing demographic and soon will become the majority. They make up 42% of the American workforce, 40% of homebuyers, and 35% of voters.

Social historian Stephanie Coontz told Psychology Today, "Marriage is not the gateway to adulthood anymore. For most people it's the dessert -- desirable, but no longer the main course." Singles are a lot less desperate than before, as evidenced in a recent Pew Research Center survey: 55% of 3,000 singles reported that they aren’t in a committed relationship and for now aren’t interested in seeking a partner.

Ironically, after generations of women trying to get men to commit to marriage, polls show that men are becoming more amendable to marriage just as women are becoming more cautious. Because women still do more of the household chores and child care, they’re increasingly unwilling, as Coontz says, "to put up with something that violates their sense of fairness."

Historically, marriage was necessary for survival but it no longer is. Today, singlehood is a much more viable option, again especially for women due to greater opportunities for financial independence and reproductive freedom.

Surprisingly, most of us will spend more of our adult lives single than married. So, it’s time to update our perception of living solo.

If you’re single and not completely satisfied with it, consider:
buying your own home, which encourages you to progress as an independent person versus waiting for marriage to happen. It also increases your financial independence as your equity grows (it will grow again, right?)
pursuing all that engages your curiosity and gives you pleasure and joy and doing whatever helps you create a full and meaningful life
traveling more
furthering your education
developing lots of friendships with women and men. There are more single people than ever to connect with and enjoy.
getting your quota of touch, and not necessarily romantic. Everyone needs human connection.
that marriage doesn’t cure loneliness. Creating and living a meaningful life does.

So, whether you’re married or single, create the life you want to live rather than wait for something better to happen.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.