Making friends the best medicine
Stress for Success
September 23, 2008

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.
Two can be as bad as one.
It's the loneliest number since the number one."
Opening lines to Three Dog Night's “One”

These wise lyrics acknowledge that you can be lonely alone as well as within a relationship. Untold numbers of lonesome people rush into relationships to get rid of their isolation only to find themselves as unhappy as when they were by themselves.

And the sense of isolation can be bad for your health.

Last year researcher Stephen Cole of the University of California, Los Angeles, and his colleagues published findings "that showed people who scored in the top 15% of the UCLA loneliness scale exhibited increased gene activity linked to inflammation and reduced gene activity associated with antibody production and antiviral responses. These patterns … were specific to loneliness not to other negative feelings such as depression," according to Scientific American Mind, June/July 2008.

In another study, Cole analyzed a variety of lonely people and found that their stress hormone cortisol wasn't suppressing the genes associated with inflammation as intended making them more vulnerable to serious illnesses such as heart disease and cancer. He also found in recent animal studies that cortisol receptors stopped working in rhesus monkeys that were socially stressed.

Unrelated research has shown for quite some time that "the impact of social relationships on life expectancy appears to be at least as large as cigarette smoking, hypertension, obesity, and (the) level of physical activity," according to Dr. Robert Sapolsky author of "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers.

Think about the enormity of this!

Sapolsky refers to additional research that "lonelier, more socially isolated individuals had less of an anti-body response to a vaccine in one study; in another study people with AIDS had a faster decline in a key category of lymphocytes; in another, lonely women with breast cancer had less natural killer cell activity." People experiencing bereavement, even if historically they've not been lonely are also vulnerable.

No doubt, it's difficult if you're feeling abandoned to force yourself to go out and connect with others. But it’s the natural antidote to loneliness and it’s what you need to do.

British researchers have demonstrated that the healing power of friendship has close to the success rate in dealing with sadness of antidepressants or cognitive therapy.

Tirril Harris, Ph.D., of Guy’s, King’s and St. Thomas’ schools of medicine in London reported in the Journal of Psychiatry that chronically depressed women were either randomly assigned a volunteer who acted as their confidante, or were placed on a waiting list for a “befriender” volunteer. Among the women who met with their volunteers regularly throughout the year 72% had a remission in their depression compared with 45% in the control group.

To combat your loneliness, whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s vitally important to connect with others through volunteering or by spending more time with supportive family and established friends. Allow the healing power of human connection to help wash away your solitude.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.