Making friends can help reduce your stress level
Stress for Success
April 1, 2008


“In the cookies of life, friends are the chocolate chips,” says a couch pillow. Friends are what’s sweet and special in life, plus they help reduce your stress.

University of Pittsburgh stress research found that “social support reduces cardiovascular reactivity to psychological challenges.” There's something calming about having friends when you’re stressed.

Often, however, those in most need of friendship spend inordinate amounts of time in solo, passive pursuits. A survey by PA State University and University of MD found that adults who average 16 hours/week of TV were the least likely to socialize with friends, take classes or play sports.

So, instead, take a risk and try these ideas to expand your support system:
§ Don’t wait for someone else to make the first move. Initiate get-togethers with those you think you could be friends with. It won’t always pan out but when it does, it’s so worth it.
§ Follow your interests and meet like-minded people by joining groups that already appeal to you, like a college class or a political cause.
§ Be discerning about whom to befriend. Someone who’s not supportive of you causes more stress versus reduces it.
§ Accept that relationships are two-way streets. To receive unconditional love and supportive attention you must give it.
§ Don’t overwhelm someone with phone calls or invitations. Consider that if they’re not getting back to you after a few attempts it may be their way of saying they’re not interested.
§ Walk your pet, join a gym and seek out opportunities to chat with others. Don’t pressure anyone to be your friend; just let conversations evolve. If there’s potential for friendship it’ll emerge.
§ Accept others’ invitations to events even if you fear you won’t know anyone. The worst case scenario is you become bored and leave early.
§ Open yourself up to conversations. Don’t put your conversational partner through a friendship test, just enjoy talking.
§ Be visible in your neighborhood. Sit on the front porch, take walks, go to sponsored community activities; get to know your neighbors.
§ If you know you have personality traits that historically turned off friends, work to reduce them or develop a sense of humor about them. Poke fun at your own tendency to complain or to be needy.

Be sure to nurture your present relationships, too:
§ Remember your friends’ special days. Stay in touch with them through lunches, calls and emails. Show your concern and support by checking in when they’re down or ill.
§ Be a good listener, rather than talking too much, especially when you know your friend needs someone.
§ Avoid competition unless it’s the fun kind that men tend to have. Be happy for his successes versus being jealous of them.
§ Let your loved ones know that you appreciate them and what they do for you.

Friends help you get through the stressful times, they offer you a sense of belonging, of security, help you avoid loneliness, and increase your self-esteem. Along with family, what could be better?

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.