Stress for Success
May 22, 2007, Week 167
5/29/07

Happiness not permanent state
Who you are on the inside matters more than external pursuits

"Happiness is never as good as you imagine it will be, and it never lasts as long as you think it will", says William Cromie of the Harvard News Office. Whew! What a relief for those who think that if you’re not always happy something’s wrong!

That’s why Daniel Gilbert, Harvard University psychology professor, suggests we accept that happiness is not a permanent condition but rather a state that we move in and out of. "The fact that you're not always happy is not a problem," he says. "So don't look for a solution when there is no problem."

It seems we also need to accept that just as your body weight has a set point around which you fluctuate regardless of how much you eat (within reason), you also have a set point for happiness that’s part of your overall personality which remains quite stable over your lifetime. That's why something wonderful can happen to you and after you get used to it you return to the happiness level you had before the event occurred.

This theory comes from fascinating twins research. In 1996 University of Minnesota researchers Auke Tellegen and the late David Lykken compared the happiness scores of identical and fraternal twins who grew up together or were reared apart to determine the degree to which happiness is genetically determined. They found that about 80% was attributable to genetic differences.

This is good news for some and bad news for others.

It has also been found that people with higher set points of happiness share common personality traits. In a 1998 review of 148 studies, social psychologists Kristina DeNeve of Baylor University and psychologist Harris Cooper of the University of Missouri - Columbia, found that happier people were friendlier, more extroverted, trusting and conscientious. They also believe they have control over their lives therefore were less prone to anxiety and mood swings.

So if you believe your set point is too low what can you do? You need to accept that you, like everyone else, will float in and out of happiness and that’s OK. Don’t exaggerate the awfulness of it. All that does is make unhappiness worse. Also:
§ Figure out how you can maximize more of the listed traits above. If being more conscientious seems the best place to start, then do your work more meticulously. Be more reliable and hard-working. Where would you benefit from being more careful and thorough?
§ Accept that happiness doesn’t come from external things. Stop buying stuff in the false expectation that it’ll make you happier. Also, don’t pin your happiness hopes on trying to get your loved ones to be more perfect so you’ll look better, therefore be happier.
§ Identify areas of your life in which you can be more in control.
§ Pursue what gives you pleasure, passion and joy.

Life’s too short to spend your precious energy going after external things in pursuit of happiness. What’s important is who you are on the inside, not what you look like from the outside.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.