Cope with what’s beyond your control to limit your stress
Stress for Success
April 24, 2007


To be a great stress manager you must also be a great mind manager. That’s why I’ve come up with Mind Management Truisms, general rules that apply to all stress. These rules should help you avoid getting lost in your stressed-out mind rethinking over and over again the same habitual thoughts.

The Mind Management Truisms I’ve covered in recent weeks include (go to my web site and click on Jackie’s Blog to read these articles):
§ #1: Stress is in the mind of the beholder. How you behold situations is communicated to you through your self-talk. Listen to your thoughts to increase awareness of your interpretations of stress.
§ #2: It’s (virtually) all about control. The definition of stress is that you think (behold) that you don’t have as much control in stressful situations as you want. The trick to this truism is to consciously acknowledge in each stressor where you actually have control (everything about yourself, your own reactions and choices) and where you don’t (pretty much everything else).
§ #3: The more you fuss and stew about what's beyond your control the more stressed you become and the more stress energy you create. It’s normal to fuss a bit but the more you do the longer it takes to get to problem-solving.

Today we’ll look at Mind Management Truism # 4: Cope with (accept, don’t obsess about) what's beyond your control.

Let’s say your stressor is handling angry customers. Here’s your list of anything that pops into your mind about them:
1. They don’t understand our policies
2. They’re rude
3. I’m tired of it; I don’t get paid enough to put up with them
4. I feel attacked so I get defensive
5. I get headaches by noon!
6. I guess I could learn new skills in calming down angry people
7. Deep breathing is supposed to help

Everything about other people is beyond your control in the sense that you can’t make others change. It’s within your control, however, to change your own approach with them in hopes of bringing about a different outcome. So numbers 1 and 2 are beyond your control.

Number one is not completely beyond your control, though, because you could do something to educate your customers about your policies. But to fuss and stew about their rudeness would be to go against Mind Management Truism #3.

Mind Management Truism #4 tells you that to put your energy into trying to:
§ make others change
§ hope that they will
§ fuss and stew because they don’t
is wasted energy. All of these strategies increase your stress.

You’re going against this truism when you frequently complain to your co-workers about how aggravated you get with angry customers. Instead, each time you start complaining affirm repeatedly to yourself, “I’m giving great customer service to all. I’m a professional.” Or ask, “What are my options in dealing with these customers?”

Your only real options will be in the areas that are within your control, the Mind Management Truism covered next week.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.