Quit stewing, identify your options
Problem-solving best cure for stress
Stress for Success
April 10, 2007


Perception of control isn’t everything in stress, but it’s almost everything.

For example, early researchers assumed top executives had the most organizational stress because they had the most responsibility. However, they found that the lowly secretary had the most because she had lots of responsibilities but little control. Top executives had the least because they had the most control.

Having an internal locus of control means you know that you have options. You see that your own efforts and skills determine your outcomes so you’re more empowered and less stressed and depressed.

If you think you have no control, no options, then you don’t because you won’t look for any. This is an external locus of control. You feel at the mercy of outside forces such as luck or fate, leaving you feeling powerless therefore more anxious and depressed.

Developing an internal locus of control, understanding that you can influence life circumstances, goes a long way in helping you look for therefore find stress reducing options. That’s why wilderness experiences like Outward Bound can profoundly impact people with external locus of control beliefs because they learn that through skill development they can develop competence and power in their experiences.

In addition to having a sense of control you also need to understand that you only have control over yourself; your choices, actions and emotions. You have no control over other people, the weather, etc. So you can change your behavior with a difficult person in hopes of bringing about a better outcome but you can’t make that person change.

Wisely using an internal locus of control means putting your energy where you actually have control; changing yourself vs. thinking the other person should change.

Since locus of control is learned, you can develop more of an internal one:
§ Develop awareness of the impact your behavior has on your outcomes. For example, if you study hard for an exam and do well, give yourself credit. If you don’t study and do poorly then acknowledge your contribution.
§ Quickly move from fussing and stewing over life’s problems to identifying your options to solve them. Teach yourself and your kids to think in problem solving ways when stressed by asking, “What are my options?” If you’re not good at this, get help from others until you improve.
ü To identify possible options answer my ubiquitous magic questions, “What in this situation do I want/need more of and less of?”
§ Select the best options to accomplish your goal in the situation. With a difficult co-worker, for example, if your goal is for him to change, restate it in a way that’s within your control, “to ignore him more.”
§ Replace self-talk like, “I can’t” with “What can I do?”; “”If only” with “What if?”

If you have an external locus of control, when you’re stressed replace your fussing and stewing with, “What are my options?” repeated over and over until you steer your thinking toward problem-solving. Over time it becomes a habit that does wonders in empowering you and lowering your stress.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.