Invent new ways to interact with Generation Y to get their interest
Stress for Success
April 25, 2006
The fourth and final generation in today's workplace that I’m writing about is the large (68 million strong) Generation Y (aka Nexters and Millennials). The birth years I use for this group are 1981 to 2000, making them 6 to 25 years old this year. It’s too early to know if the predictions about them will pan out but this is what researchers foresee.
Gen Yers are more like their Veteran grandparents --- more stable and moral than recent generations. They’ve had fewer teen pregnancies, abortions, drunk driving incidents along with a dramatic decrease in adolescent violent crime. The US Bureau of Juvenile Statistics reports that the violent crime rate among 12 - 17-year-olds has fallen to pre-1988 levels. They even like and respect their parents! 9/11 galvanized Yers’ patriotism and recent corporate fraud their concern for ethical business practices.
Unlike the unsupervised Generation X, this generation is over-managed by their Boomer and Xer soccer parents. These “helicopter parents” are known to swoop in to negotiate their child's grades in school or salary in a new job. The booming economy of the 1990s allowed these parents to pay for a relatively privileged lifestyle, which included every possible class in which their little Yer expressed an interest.
Yers have interacted with technology since they were old enough to reach a keyboard; it’s second nature to them. They’re the first generation to have more marketable skills than their parents. Due to technology immersion their thinking pattern is different. Historically we’ve been linear thinkers going from point A to B to C. Yers move randomly between points and eventually draw conclusions. This allows faster processing and greater absorption of information along with an even greater multi-tasking capability than Gen Xers have. They’re arguably the most intelligent generation ever.
They communicate electronically on multiple levels simultaneously, which is unprecedented. Interactivity is key to their expectations in dealing with everything from technology to classroom learning to employment. Without it you won’t hold their attention.
They’ve participated in more family decisions so it doesn’t occur to them to hold back their ideas in the workplace. An older supervisor may be shocked and even insulted when a new Gen Y employee tells him how to improve a project.
Not all has been a bed of roses for this generation, however. They’re the first to be less healthy than their parents due to greater inactivity, consumption of more processed foods, and greater pollution and stress. They have rising rates of diabetes and other obesity and sedentary lifestyle related diseases. Generation Y has been medicated from an early age so hasn’t developed the coping skills possessed by older generations.
They also grew up when terrorism and violence took on lives of their own. The Oklahoma City bombing, 9/11, and school shootings influenced them deeply. Workplace safety is their #1 concern.
In spite of these events, they remain optimistic. This is the most cause-oriented generation since the Boomers. Record numbers of them work for social causes. Perhaps curbing violence will be theirs.
To motivate them to work for you offer:
• Challenging and meaningful work that makes a positive impact
• Collaborative work with teams
• Cutting edge technology
• Supportive supervision without dictatorial overtones
• Mentoring and coaching
• Programs to encourage better nutrition, lifestyle habits and disease-specific counseling or you’ll feel the pinch in future years when insurance and disability rates go through the roof
• Freedom from gender-role expectations
• Involvement in decision-making where possible
• Respect; treat them like adults
Now that we’ve taken a brief look at the four generations and the historic events that helped shape each, next week I’ll recap and emphasize what employers need to consider regarding recruitment and retention of all four generations.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Recruit and retain Generation X, the most misunderstood generation
Stress for Success
April 18, 2006
Employers are faced with 76 million Baby Boomers nearing retirement with only 51 million Gen Xers to take their place, making for an incredibly tight labor market. Creating a desirable workplace now for this and the other generations gives you a recruitment and retention advantage. But first you must understand each generation, which is what this series is about.
I developed the most empathy for Generation X (born between 1961 – 1980, making them 26 – 45 years old) when researching how historic events shaped each generation's values. Xers have been labeled disloyal slackers. However, when you consider the times in which they grew up I think you’ll empathize with this misunderstood generation.
Gen X, a.k.a. latchkey kids, was the most unsupervised generation. Xers learned to be very independent. Their routine was to go directly home after school and call their mothers immediately, then get their homework done and clean up the kitchen so their exhausted parents could get dinner started upon arriving home. So many were kids of divorce that they developed a cynicism about marriage, looking to friends and to themselves for security.
There was plenty to be pessimistic about in the larger world too. They saw the U. S. fail militarily (Vietnam), politically (Watergate), diplomatically (Iran hostage situation), and economically (Japan on the rise). Terrorism was increasing, the Stock Market took a serious dive and police brutality was pumped over the airwaves.
They were the first generation to be told that they’d be less financially secure than their parents due to the 1980s economic downturn. To add insult to injury, when they graduated from college they were lucky to get a job flipping burgers. In fact, theirs was the McJob generation.
The big invention that influenced them was the computer. Gen Xers learned how to use new technology on their own giving them a greater understanding of it. The increased visual stimulation from computer and video games increased their brains’ neural connections leading researchers to notice that they’re better at multi-tasking --- and getting bored more easily.
Many Xers are disillusioned with the workplace. Older workers see them as disloyal while they see themselves as practical. After watching their workaholic parents laid off by the millions in the 1980s, Gen Xers decided they’d work to live not vice versa. Balance and flexibility became valued. Their loyalty was to their résumés and developing marketable skills.
This was the best-educated generation in the workforce. They want to be listened to and treated as equals. They’re frustrated with Boomers’ need to endlessly process information, the glacial rate of organizational change, being underutilized and the lack of enough learning and advancement opportunities.
Due to their propensity for boredom they may quickly move on to another job. Xers in their 20s change jobs every 1.1 year!
They say what’s most important to them in the workplace are:
• Quality relationships with managers and coworkers
• Interesting work that stimulates and
• Helps them build marketable skills
• Continuous learning
Whereas the baby boom generation was very motivated by money and status most Gen Xers aren’t. Status was listed at the bottom of what motivates them with salary the third least important. They don't want the corner office they want flexibility, more independence in getting the work done, and life balance.
To be competitive in recruitment and retention of Gen Xers:
• Create more coaching relationships with boomers to groom Xers as leaders
• Include them in strategic planning to help satisfy their top three work priorities
• To alleviate boredom give them more variety of work
• Poll them to discern their main issues
• Offer flex time, telecommuting, job sharing, on-site childcare or childcare subsidy
• Don’t micromanage this independent group
• Increase collaborative and decrease competitive work environment
• Offer management training to supervisors with high employee turnover
Next week we’ll look at the youngest generation at work, Generation Y.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 18, 2006
Employers are faced with 76 million Baby Boomers nearing retirement with only 51 million Gen Xers to take their place, making for an incredibly tight labor market. Creating a desirable workplace now for this and the other generations gives you a recruitment and retention advantage. But first you must understand each generation, which is what this series is about.
I developed the most empathy for Generation X (born between 1961 – 1980, making them 26 – 45 years old) when researching how historic events shaped each generation's values. Xers have been labeled disloyal slackers. However, when you consider the times in which they grew up I think you’ll empathize with this misunderstood generation.
Gen X, a.k.a. latchkey kids, was the most unsupervised generation. Xers learned to be very independent. Their routine was to go directly home after school and call their mothers immediately, then get their homework done and clean up the kitchen so their exhausted parents could get dinner started upon arriving home. So many were kids of divorce that they developed a cynicism about marriage, looking to friends and to themselves for security.
There was plenty to be pessimistic about in the larger world too. They saw the U. S. fail militarily (Vietnam), politically (Watergate), diplomatically (Iran hostage situation), and economically (Japan on the rise). Terrorism was increasing, the Stock Market took a serious dive and police brutality was pumped over the airwaves.
They were the first generation to be told that they’d be less financially secure than their parents due to the 1980s economic downturn. To add insult to injury, when they graduated from college they were lucky to get a job flipping burgers. In fact, theirs was the McJob generation.
The big invention that influenced them was the computer. Gen Xers learned how to use new technology on their own giving them a greater understanding of it. The increased visual stimulation from computer and video games increased their brains’ neural connections leading researchers to notice that they’re better at multi-tasking --- and getting bored more easily.
Many Xers are disillusioned with the workplace. Older workers see them as disloyal while they see themselves as practical. After watching their workaholic parents laid off by the millions in the 1980s, Gen Xers decided they’d work to live not vice versa. Balance and flexibility became valued. Their loyalty was to their résumés and developing marketable skills.
This was the best-educated generation in the workforce. They want to be listened to and treated as equals. They’re frustrated with Boomers’ need to endlessly process information, the glacial rate of organizational change, being underutilized and the lack of enough learning and advancement opportunities.
Due to their propensity for boredom they may quickly move on to another job. Xers in their 20s change jobs every 1.1 year!
They say what’s most important to them in the workplace are:
• Quality relationships with managers and coworkers
• Interesting work that stimulates and
• Helps them build marketable skills
• Continuous learning
Whereas the baby boom generation was very motivated by money and status most Gen Xers aren’t. Status was listed at the bottom of what motivates them with salary the third least important. They don't want the corner office they want flexibility, more independence in getting the work done, and life balance.
To be competitive in recruitment and retention of Gen Xers:
• Create more coaching relationships with boomers to groom Xers as leaders
• Include them in strategic planning to help satisfy their top three work priorities
• To alleviate boredom give them more variety of work
• Poll them to discern their main issues
• Offer flex time, telecommuting, job sharing, on-site childcare or childcare subsidy
• Don’t micromanage this independent group
• Increase collaborative and decrease competitive work environment
• Offer management training to supervisors with high employee turnover
Next week we’ll look at the youngest generation at work, Generation Y.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Motivate Baby Boomers to keep them in the workplace longer
Stress for Success
April 11, 2006
Last week I gave a thumbnail sketch of the oldest generation in today's workplace, the Veterans. This week we’ll consider the next generation, the Baby Boomers, the largest of all time. The birth years I use for this generation are 1943 to 1960, making boomers 46 to 63 years old this year. Through their 76 million the U. S. population had its first expansion in 200 years.
Unlike the vets, the boomers grew up in times that were far more optimistic. With the war and the economic hard times behind her, America was on the move. Sure, there was the Iron Curtain with its ubiquitous threat of nuclear annihilation, but America was ahead of the communists. Anything seemed possible, like beating the Soviets to the moon.
Life was still pretty simple. Many didn’t lock their doors at night. Families gathered around not the radio but the TV watching I Love Lucy. The homemaker mother and employed father both worked hard to make sure their kids had more than they had. They doted on their little boomers and told them they could be anything they wanted to be.
Boomers’ sheer numbers demanded attention. They became known as the "me generation" with their legendary quest for personal and immediate gratification.
As with all generations, the boomers thought they invented rebellion. And rebel they did.
The events of the tumultuous 1960s were brought into livings room across America by TV: the Vietnam War with its deadly, daily body count and related upheavals like the anti-war demonstrations, three assassinations, violence surrounding the 1968 Democratic Convention and the Kent State killings. If this weren't enough there was also the civil rights movement unfolding with its own marches and race riots.
Many boomers became very active in the movements of their day and distrustful of authority (“don’t trust anyone over 30”) for the mess they’d made of the world. Life should be fairer and their world wasn’t fair.
The most stunning social change was “the pill”. With reliable birth control women marched into the workplace and educational institutions in huge numbers. Their expectations for equality expanded and the Women’s Liberation (or as my brother calls it, the women’s lip) Movement was reborn.
The motto for this generation became, "drugs sex and rock 'n roll". The sexual revolution and the drug culture were born. Woodstock was a symbol.
The 1970s brought great cynicism in politicians over Vietnam and Watergate leaving younger boomers less optimistic and cause-oriented. They’re more like the next generation, the skeptical Gen Xers.
Because it's such a huge generation, boomers have always had to compete with each other for everything so possessions and visible status symbols are prized. It’s also why there are so many workaholics among them and why they have conflicts with those who don't take their work seriously and aren't willing to put in the extra hours.
Given how boomers grew up it makes sense that they value optimism, service, consensus and teamwork. Health, wellness and personal and spiritual development through lifelong learning are also important. Even though historically over-achievers, life balance is becoming increasingly vital.
To alleviate some of the employee shortage problems, encourage boomers to put off full retirement by:
• Creating relationships with them in a personable and casual workplace that is fun, warm and humane
• Helping satisfy their need for personal gratification and financial security by offering benefits that allow them to have greater balance and also earn enough to maintain their cherished lifestyle into retirement
• Involving them in problem-solving, which is their forte
• Offering visible rewards that imply status, such as public recognition and visibility as star performers within the organization
Next week we’ll look at Gen X, the most misunderstood generation.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 11, 2006
Last week I gave a thumbnail sketch of the oldest generation in today's workplace, the Veterans. This week we’ll consider the next generation, the Baby Boomers, the largest of all time. The birth years I use for this generation are 1943 to 1960, making boomers 46 to 63 years old this year. Through their 76 million the U. S. population had its first expansion in 200 years.
Unlike the vets, the boomers grew up in times that were far more optimistic. With the war and the economic hard times behind her, America was on the move. Sure, there was the Iron Curtain with its ubiquitous threat of nuclear annihilation, but America was ahead of the communists. Anything seemed possible, like beating the Soviets to the moon.
Life was still pretty simple. Many didn’t lock their doors at night. Families gathered around not the radio but the TV watching I Love Lucy. The homemaker mother and employed father both worked hard to make sure their kids had more than they had. They doted on their little boomers and told them they could be anything they wanted to be.
Boomers’ sheer numbers demanded attention. They became known as the "me generation" with their legendary quest for personal and immediate gratification.
As with all generations, the boomers thought they invented rebellion. And rebel they did.
The events of the tumultuous 1960s were brought into livings room across America by TV: the Vietnam War with its deadly, daily body count and related upheavals like the anti-war demonstrations, three assassinations, violence surrounding the 1968 Democratic Convention and the Kent State killings. If this weren't enough there was also the civil rights movement unfolding with its own marches and race riots.
Many boomers became very active in the movements of their day and distrustful of authority (“don’t trust anyone over 30”) for the mess they’d made of the world. Life should be fairer and their world wasn’t fair.
The most stunning social change was “the pill”. With reliable birth control women marched into the workplace and educational institutions in huge numbers. Their expectations for equality expanded and the Women’s Liberation (or as my brother calls it, the women’s lip) Movement was reborn.
The motto for this generation became, "drugs sex and rock 'n roll". The sexual revolution and the drug culture were born. Woodstock was a symbol.
The 1970s brought great cynicism in politicians over Vietnam and Watergate leaving younger boomers less optimistic and cause-oriented. They’re more like the next generation, the skeptical Gen Xers.
Because it's such a huge generation, boomers have always had to compete with each other for everything so possessions and visible status symbols are prized. It’s also why there are so many workaholics among them and why they have conflicts with those who don't take their work seriously and aren't willing to put in the extra hours.
Given how boomers grew up it makes sense that they value optimism, service, consensus and teamwork. Health, wellness and personal and spiritual development through lifelong learning are also important. Even though historically over-achievers, life balance is becoming increasingly vital.
To alleviate some of the employee shortage problems, encourage boomers to put off full retirement by:
• Creating relationships with them in a personable and casual workplace that is fun, warm and humane
• Helping satisfy their need for personal gratification and financial security by offering benefits that allow them to have greater balance and also earn enough to maintain their cherished lifestyle into retirement
• Involving them in problem-solving, which is their forte
• Offering visible rewards that imply status, such as public recognition and visibility as star performers within the organization
Next week we’ll look at Gen X, the most misunderstood generation.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generation Gap (590-7815).
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Employers should hang on to their older workers
Stress for Success
April 4, 2006
Studying the four American generations is fascinating. By sharing my research with you about each generation hopefully you’ll be able to minimize intergenerational conflicts at work and at home through greater understanding.
We’ll look at what are called Group Tendencies, which explain how some but not all in a given group share tendencies due to forces influencing that group. Group Tendencies can help you understand someone better as long as you don’t assume a specific tendency applies to everyone in that group, which would be a stereotype.
We’ll start with the oldest generation in the workplace today, the Veterans, born between 1922 and 1942. This year they turn 64 to 84. (Different researchers use slightly different birth years. I’ve chosen these because they make more sense to me.)
Veterans grew up when life was simpler, more personal and much less high-tech. More people lived in smaller, rural towns than today. Milk was delivered to most homes (with that thick crème on the top). Families gathered around the radio for popular shows like The Shadow.
They lived through the hard times of the Stock Market crash, the Depression, the Dust Bowl, and World War II and developed frugal habits to survive. “Waste not want not”, and “Turn off the lights” were heard in homes of this generation and beyond. They lived with significant scarcity; even bread lines for some.
In order to make it through these meager times they had to put aside individual needs and work for the common good, which allowed them to accomplish amazing things. They won the war and then rebuilt our nation and its economy and contributed greatly to the recovery of Europe and beyond. Victorious soldiers came home and got an education through the G. I. Bill. Rosie the Riveter returned home to raise a family.
This generation proceeded to build the foundation for the American dream. Patriotism was high. Honor, hard work and loyalty were their values.
By partnering with large government and corporate institutions they learned that great things could be accomplished by working toward common goals with tried and true methods. There was a growing sense that Americans could do almost anything. Everyone can profit if you have good leadership and a dedicated workforce to carry out the big plans. This generation had great respect for authority because it worked for them.
Their work ethic is epic; "an honest day's work for an honest day's pay", "duty before pleasure", live by the rules, work hard and eventually it will all pay off. That’s why Veterans oftentimes don't understand why younger people rebel against paying their dues and climbing the corporate ladder in an orderly and prescribed fashion. They also don't understand younger employees’ "lack of loyalty" to an employer.
Given Florida’s incredibly low unemployment rate and the predicted looming employee shortage employers would be wise to keep Veterans working as long as possible. To hold onto these valuable employees:
• Offer benefits like retirement plans, insurance, etc., that would add to Veterans’ financial security
• Offer flexibility so they can also pursue their retirement dreams
• Relationships are important so use personal vs. electronic communication as much as possible, be polite with "please" and "thank you", and speak to family, patriotism and traditional values
• Seek out their experience, knowledge and what has and hasn't worked in the past
What manager wouldn’t want all their employees to have the work ethic of this generation? They’re unbelievably reliable and hard working. With their accumulated wisdom they can also offer great historic understanding of an organization or industry in which they’ve worked a lifetime. It would be a shame to lose this.
Next week we’ll consider the biggest American generation of all time, the Baby Boomers.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generational Gap (590-7815).
Stress for Success
April 4, 2006
Studying the four American generations is fascinating. By sharing my research with you about each generation hopefully you’ll be able to minimize intergenerational conflicts at work and at home through greater understanding.
We’ll look at what are called Group Tendencies, which explain how some but not all in a given group share tendencies due to forces influencing that group. Group Tendencies can help you understand someone better as long as you don’t assume a specific tendency applies to everyone in that group, which would be a stereotype.
We’ll start with the oldest generation in the workplace today, the Veterans, born between 1922 and 1942. This year they turn 64 to 84. (Different researchers use slightly different birth years. I’ve chosen these because they make more sense to me.)
Veterans grew up when life was simpler, more personal and much less high-tech. More people lived in smaller, rural towns than today. Milk was delivered to most homes (with that thick crème on the top). Families gathered around the radio for popular shows like The Shadow.
They lived through the hard times of the Stock Market crash, the Depression, the Dust Bowl, and World War II and developed frugal habits to survive. “Waste not want not”, and “Turn off the lights” were heard in homes of this generation and beyond. They lived with significant scarcity; even bread lines for some.
In order to make it through these meager times they had to put aside individual needs and work for the common good, which allowed them to accomplish amazing things. They won the war and then rebuilt our nation and its economy and contributed greatly to the recovery of Europe and beyond. Victorious soldiers came home and got an education through the G. I. Bill. Rosie the Riveter returned home to raise a family.
This generation proceeded to build the foundation for the American dream. Patriotism was high. Honor, hard work and loyalty were their values.
By partnering with large government and corporate institutions they learned that great things could be accomplished by working toward common goals with tried and true methods. There was a growing sense that Americans could do almost anything. Everyone can profit if you have good leadership and a dedicated workforce to carry out the big plans. This generation had great respect for authority because it worked for them.
Their work ethic is epic; "an honest day's work for an honest day's pay", "duty before pleasure", live by the rules, work hard and eventually it will all pay off. That’s why Veterans oftentimes don't understand why younger people rebel against paying their dues and climbing the corporate ladder in an orderly and prescribed fashion. They also don't understand younger employees’ "lack of loyalty" to an employer.
Given Florida’s incredibly low unemployment rate and the predicted looming employee shortage employers would be wise to keep Veterans working as long as possible. To hold onto these valuable employees:
• Offer benefits like retirement plans, insurance, etc., that would add to Veterans’ financial security
• Offer flexibility so they can also pursue their retirement dreams
• Relationships are important so use personal vs. electronic communication as much as possible, be polite with "please" and "thank you", and speak to family, patriotism and traditional values
• Seek out their experience, knowledge and what has and hasn't worked in the past
What manager wouldn’t want all their employees to have the work ethic of this generation? They’re unbelievably reliable and hard working. With their accumulated wisdom they can also offer great historic understanding of an organization or industry in which they’ve worked a lifetime. It would be a shame to lose this.
Next week we’ll consider the biggest American generation of all time, the Baby Boomers.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization. Register for her open enrollment seminar on June 9 at FGCU, Bridging the Generational Gap (590-7815).
Monday, March 27, 2006
Reduce generational conflicts at work through greater understanding
Stress for Success
March 28, 2006
Tom, a 62 year-old manager, locks horns frequently with John, a 34 year-old colleague, who seems so impatient and impersonal. It really bugs Tom when John rudely continues to work on his computer even with Tom standing right there talking to him!
Rachel, a 22-year-old new hire enthusiastically emails her new boss, Jennifer, a 55-year-old, her best ideas on how Jennifer can make her project even better. Jennifer rolls her eyes with each email thinking, “Who does she think she is? This is probably her first job out of college!” Rachel, never getting a response for her hard work, assumes Jennifer resists any idea that isn’t her own.
Do you think it would help if these employees could understand why those who frustrate them behave as they do?
My mother would answer an enthusiastic “yes”. She encouraged all of us kids in my family to challenge our negative judgments of people by exploring why they behaved as they did. Develop greater understanding of each generation and why each is the way it is and you can judge less thereby remove an important building block of conflict.
For example, what in each generation’s background might explain why older workers get irritated when their younger colleagues aren’t willing to work late? Would greater generational understanding help younger workers be more patient with older workers who resist change? Could Boomers resent Xers less for demanding life balance, something a Boomer only dreamt of? And could Gen Yers, the youngest employed generation, gain more perspective with the older generations for getting the world into such a mess?
Generational diversity is the hottest diversity issue in today’s workplace. With the four generations working side-by-side with their significantly different values, expectations and assumptions, it’s easy to understand why there’s frustration between them. How each individual workplace handles their generational conflicts will determine whether they have more conflict or creativity.
If you’re a business owner or manager, why should you care? Because if the predictions of the worker shortage are anywhere near accurate you’ll have to compete with all other employers to recruit and retain the best and the brightest. Veterans and Baby Boomers, the largest generation of all times, have their eyes set on retirement and there simply aren’t enough Gen Xers, the smallest recent generation, and Yers to take up the slack, especially the leadership slack.
This is a huge challenge to all employers. If you have a business-as-usual attitude you’ll be scratching the bottom of the barrel for employees. The organizations that manage the four generations the most creatively will have a competitive edge in recruitment and retention of talented people. By making your organization a great place to work you can hold on to more Veterans and Boomers, even if just for part-time help and attract more Xers and Yers whom some have accused of having “just in time loyalty”.
Over the next weeks I’ll give you a thumbnail sketch of each generation:
• The Veterans, born 1922 – 1942
• The Baby Boomers, 1943 – 1960
• Generation X, 1961 – 1980
• Generation Y, 1981 – 2000
I’ll briefly describe the historic events that shaped each generation, which helps to explain their values and why they behave as they do. Hopefully the understanding this creates can help decrease intergenerational conflicts just like my Mother taught me it would.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 28, 2006
Tom, a 62 year-old manager, locks horns frequently with John, a 34 year-old colleague, who seems so impatient and impersonal. It really bugs Tom when John rudely continues to work on his computer even with Tom standing right there talking to him!
Rachel, a 22-year-old new hire enthusiastically emails her new boss, Jennifer, a 55-year-old, her best ideas on how Jennifer can make her project even better. Jennifer rolls her eyes with each email thinking, “Who does she think she is? This is probably her first job out of college!” Rachel, never getting a response for her hard work, assumes Jennifer resists any idea that isn’t her own.
Do you think it would help if these employees could understand why those who frustrate them behave as they do?
My mother would answer an enthusiastic “yes”. She encouraged all of us kids in my family to challenge our negative judgments of people by exploring why they behaved as they did. Develop greater understanding of each generation and why each is the way it is and you can judge less thereby remove an important building block of conflict.
For example, what in each generation’s background might explain why older workers get irritated when their younger colleagues aren’t willing to work late? Would greater generational understanding help younger workers be more patient with older workers who resist change? Could Boomers resent Xers less for demanding life balance, something a Boomer only dreamt of? And could Gen Yers, the youngest employed generation, gain more perspective with the older generations for getting the world into such a mess?
Generational diversity is the hottest diversity issue in today’s workplace. With the four generations working side-by-side with their significantly different values, expectations and assumptions, it’s easy to understand why there’s frustration between them. How each individual workplace handles their generational conflicts will determine whether they have more conflict or creativity.
If you’re a business owner or manager, why should you care? Because if the predictions of the worker shortage are anywhere near accurate you’ll have to compete with all other employers to recruit and retain the best and the brightest. Veterans and Baby Boomers, the largest generation of all times, have their eyes set on retirement and there simply aren’t enough Gen Xers, the smallest recent generation, and Yers to take up the slack, especially the leadership slack.
This is a huge challenge to all employers. If you have a business-as-usual attitude you’ll be scratching the bottom of the barrel for employees. The organizations that manage the four generations the most creatively will have a competitive edge in recruitment and retention of talented people. By making your organization a great place to work you can hold on to more Veterans and Boomers, even if just for part-time help and attract more Xers and Yers whom some have accused of having “just in time loyalty”.
Over the next weeks I’ll give you a thumbnail sketch of each generation:
• The Veterans, born 1922 – 1942
• The Baby Boomers, 1943 – 1960
• Generation X, 1961 – 1980
• Generation Y, 1981 – 2000
I’ll briefly describe the historic events that shaped each generation, which helps to explain their values and why they behave as they do. Hopefully the understanding this creates can help decrease intergenerational conflicts just like my Mother taught me it would.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Diminish your fatigue by breathing more and drinking more water
Stress for Success
March 21, 2006
Recently I visited an old friend who told me that she loves my column and reads it every week. She chuckled and then said, "But I don't necessarily follow your advice." (Thanks, Elizabeth for keeping me grounded.)
I'm realistic enough to know that many of even the most stressed and exhausted among us who most need to faithfully practice stress reduction don't; many because they’re just too tired. So here are two bits of advice that are easy to practice, free, require virtually no willpower nor additional time, and yet still are very beneficial in boosting your energy: breathe more deeply and drink more water.
When you breathe shallowly, which stressed people do most of the time, you aren’t taking in enough oxygen. With lower levels of oxygen and higher levels of carbon monoxide in your blood you become more tired and put pressure on your body because your heart rate and blood pressure go up.
So breathe deeply from your abdomen every hour on the hour. Abdominal breathing gives an oxygen boost that energizes and relaxes you instantly. Also do this before times you know you’ll be stressed, like a difficult conversation you’re about to have with someone.
As you inhale, focus on making your stomach and chest move so it expands your lower lungs. This allows you to take in more air with each breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Concentrate on pushing the air out as you exhale, which encourages the body to breathe correctly. Maintaining good posture also facilitates healthy breathing.
Another common contributor to fatigue is dehydration. Some estimates are that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. And no wonder! Look at all the caffeine we consume from coffee, tea and soda. And we simply don't drink enough water. If you’re very stressed you’re probably one of the 75%. Besides fatigue dehydration can cause headaches, constipation and irritability.
“When you feel thirsty, you’ve already lost two to three percent of your body fluid” says Susan Kleiner, a registered dietician in Mercer Island, Washington. This can lower your blood volume, which means you don’t get as much blood to your brain so your heart has to work harder.
Sometimes you mistakenly perceive your body’s plea for water as hunger pains. For a few weeks between meals when you think you’re hungry drink a glass of water instead. You’ll hydrate yourself more and decrease the extra pounds you put on over the years. Drinking water when you want to munch can also help keep you on a diet.
Also consider:
• Drink enough water so you have to urinate once an hour during wakeful hours.
• If your lifestyle is mostly sedentary drink nine cups of water per day; if active you’ll need closer to twelve.
• Since this can get tiresome, spark up your water with lemon or orange slices, drink noncaffeinated herbal tea, and eat more soup, fresh fruits and vegetables.
• When constipated drink lots of water in the morning. It works better than the over-the-counter products upon which we tend to rely.
• Avoid drinks that contribute to dehydration: coffee, tea, alcoholic beverages all of which are diuretics that require more water from the body than they provide.
• Have water nearby throughout your day including in your car.
To generate more energy, which might motivate you to follow other needed stress management advice, breathe more deeply and drink more water. Do these two things very regularly for the next two months and see if you’re not more energetic. Then you'll have no excuse to stop you from taking better care of yourself in other ways.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 21, 2006
Recently I visited an old friend who told me that she loves my column and reads it every week. She chuckled and then said, "But I don't necessarily follow your advice." (Thanks, Elizabeth for keeping me grounded.)
I'm realistic enough to know that many of even the most stressed and exhausted among us who most need to faithfully practice stress reduction don't; many because they’re just too tired. So here are two bits of advice that are easy to practice, free, require virtually no willpower nor additional time, and yet still are very beneficial in boosting your energy: breathe more deeply and drink more water.
When you breathe shallowly, which stressed people do most of the time, you aren’t taking in enough oxygen. With lower levels of oxygen and higher levels of carbon monoxide in your blood you become more tired and put pressure on your body because your heart rate and blood pressure go up.
So breathe deeply from your abdomen every hour on the hour. Abdominal breathing gives an oxygen boost that energizes and relaxes you instantly. Also do this before times you know you’ll be stressed, like a difficult conversation you’re about to have with someone.
As you inhale, focus on making your stomach and chest move so it expands your lower lungs. This allows you to take in more air with each breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Concentrate on pushing the air out as you exhale, which encourages the body to breathe correctly. Maintaining good posture also facilitates healthy breathing.
Another common contributor to fatigue is dehydration. Some estimates are that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. And no wonder! Look at all the caffeine we consume from coffee, tea and soda. And we simply don't drink enough water. If you’re very stressed you’re probably one of the 75%. Besides fatigue dehydration can cause headaches, constipation and irritability.
“When you feel thirsty, you’ve already lost two to three percent of your body fluid” says Susan Kleiner, a registered dietician in Mercer Island, Washington. This can lower your blood volume, which means you don’t get as much blood to your brain so your heart has to work harder.
Sometimes you mistakenly perceive your body’s plea for water as hunger pains. For a few weeks between meals when you think you’re hungry drink a glass of water instead. You’ll hydrate yourself more and decrease the extra pounds you put on over the years. Drinking water when you want to munch can also help keep you on a diet.
Also consider:
• Drink enough water so you have to urinate once an hour during wakeful hours.
• If your lifestyle is mostly sedentary drink nine cups of water per day; if active you’ll need closer to twelve.
• Since this can get tiresome, spark up your water with lemon or orange slices, drink noncaffeinated herbal tea, and eat more soup, fresh fruits and vegetables.
• When constipated drink lots of water in the morning. It works better than the over-the-counter products upon which we tend to rely.
• Avoid drinks that contribute to dehydration: coffee, tea, alcoholic beverages all of which are diuretics that require more water from the body than they provide.
• Have water nearby throughout your day including in your car.
To generate more energy, which might motivate you to follow other needed stress management advice, breathe more deeply and drink more water. Do these two things very regularly for the next two months and see if you’re not more energetic. Then you'll have no excuse to stop you from taking better care of yourself in other ways.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Teach your children patience so they can have a better life
Stress for Success
March 14, 2006
Patience is a wonderful personal attribute. It helps you reach your goals as well as get along with others, while those who are impatient are spinning in emotional circles.
Impatience is a short step from more intense forms of anger. When your emotional brain is triggered it sends hormones racing through your body besieging your ability to think logically. So tame your impatience when you need to think rationally.
Whereas it’s never too late to learn patience, the ideal time to learn is when you're a child. But some experts worry that it’s being lost in our fast-paced, point-and-click world where technology brings us instant results, which lead to an expectation of instant results in everything from our relationships to traffic.
Dr. Marilyn Benoit, President-elect of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, is concerned that there’s a disturbing trend that finds children having more emotional outbursts. She describes this melt down in TheDot.com Kids and the Demise of Frustration Tolerance. "The problem I see emerging in children is one of decreasing frustration tolerance … in lay language …a lack of patience."
Dr. Benoit says that impatient children suffer because they haven't learned to delay their own gratification so have a harder time empathizing with others and coping when life becomes challenging. Significant impatience leads children and adults to believe that everything is about them. What a rude awakening for kids when they learn that it isn’t all about them.
Impatience in two-year-olds is certainly near universal, but meltdowns in older children can be a sign of more serious problems. Family psychologist and author Elizabeth Carll, Ph.D., adds, "Poor impulse control can lead to aggression and violence for some children."
Another reason it’s wise to teach children patience is that when they learn that it takes time to work toward goals and plan ahead, they're more likely to adapt when their needs aren’t immediately met. However, Dr. Toby Sachsenmaier, child and adolescent psychologist in Buffalo, New York, says that parents often interfere with their children learning patience by not letting them learn how to deal with disappointment.
The experts recommend the following to help you teach your children greater patience:
• Model appropriate patience. When children see that there are times when it's natural to feel impatient, they can learn constructive ways from you to cope with their frustration. You, the parent, are their #1 role model so learn greater patience if necessary.
• Reward patience. For example, when your child exhibits appropriate patient behavior, say something positive like, "Thank you for being so patient, I appreciate it." “Catch them doing something right.”
• Don’t reward impatience.
• Avoid overloading your children's schedules and avoid rushing to buy all the latest new high-tech stuff. Encourage them to have downtime.
• Engage them in slow-paced and enriching activities such as enjoying nature. Teach them to appreciate its beauty and complexity. Gardening, participating in non-technology games, constructing something that takes a few days to build, and even card games can all encourage your child to be more thoughtful and deliberate.
When children master greater patience it can help lead them to improved self-esteem and greater success in life because they've learned the power of self-control. Dr. Carll says, "Any time you feel more control, you feel better about yourself." And having a sense of control is the opposite of being stressed.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 14, 2006
Patience is a wonderful personal attribute. It helps you reach your goals as well as get along with others, while those who are impatient are spinning in emotional circles.
Impatience is a short step from more intense forms of anger. When your emotional brain is triggered it sends hormones racing through your body besieging your ability to think logically. So tame your impatience when you need to think rationally.
Whereas it’s never too late to learn patience, the ideal time to learn is when you're a child. But some experts worry that it’s being lost in our fast-paced, point-and-click world where technology brings us instant results, which lead to an expectation of instant results in everything from our relationships to traffic.
Dr. Marilyn Benoit, President-elect of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, is concerned that there’s a disturbing trend that finds children having more emotional outbursts. She describes this melt down in TheDot.com Kids and the Demise of Frustration Tolerance. "The problem I see emerging in children is one of decreasing frustration tolerance … in lay language …a lack of patience."
Dr. Benoit says that impatient children suffer because they haven't learned to delay their own gratification so have a harder time empathizing with others and coping when life becomes challenging. Significant impatience leads children and adults to believe that everything is about them. What a rude awakening for kids when they learn that it isn’t all about them.
Impatience in two-year-olds is certainly near universal, but meltdowns in older children can be a sign of more serious problems. Family psychologist and author Elizabeth Carll, Ph.D., adds, "Poor impulse control can lead to aggression and violence for some children."
Another reason it’s wise to teach children patience is that when they learn that it takes time to work toward goals and plan ahead, they're more likely to adapt when their needs aren’t immediately met. However, Dr. Toby Sachsenmaier, child and adolescent psychologist in Buffalo, New York, says that parents often interfere with their children learning patience by not letting them learn how to deal with disappointment.
The experts recommend the following to help you teach your children greater patience:
• Model appropriate patience. When children see that there are times when it's natural to feel impatient, they can learn constructive ways from you to cope with their frustration. You, the parent, are their #1 role model so learn greater patience if necessary.
• Reward patience. For example, when your child exhibits appropriate patient behavior, say something positive like, "Thank you for being so patient, I appreciate it." “Catch them doing something right.”
• Don’t reward impatience.
• Avoid overloading your children's schedules and avoid rushing to buy all the latest new high-tech stuff. Encourage them to have downtime.
• Engage them in slow-paced and enriching activities such as enjoying nature. Teach them to appreciate its beauty and complexity. Gardening, participating in non-technology games, constructing something that takes a few days to build, and even card games can all encourage your child to be more thoughtful and deliberate.
When children master greater patience it can help lead them to improved self-esteem and greater success in life because they've learned the power of self-control. Dr. Carll says, "Any time you feel more control, you feel better about yourself." And having a sense of control is the opposite of being stressed.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Learn self-soothing techniques to increase your patience and decrease hypertension
Stress for Success
March 7, 2006
“Impatience is a fuse to a stress explosion”, said my husband. It can go off while standing in line at the grocery store or while navigating rush-hour traffic. People who irritate you or hold you up in some way can also be the detonation. For some, it can be ignited by pretty much anything.
Our techno-stress-age with its accompanying expectations for everything to be faster can push even patient people to the edge. However, for health reasons the concern is for those who are impatient much of the time, often over insignificant events.
Impatience and hostility are a form of stress and are part of the Type A personality. Research has long shown that stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, causing a series of heart and blood vessel consequences, including narrowing of the blood vessels and an increase in blood pressure. These traits increase even a young adult’s long-term risk of developing high blood pressure, according to a study funded by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and published by the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2003.
3,308 blacks and whites, ages 18 to 30 when the research began in 1985, were studied. It found that higher levels of impatience and hostility were significantly associated with the development of hypertension after 15 years. Greater amounts of these equated to a greater risk. Interestingly, competitiveness, depression, and anxiety didn’t seem to increase the risk of hypertension.
The subjects rated their time urgency/impatience on a scale from zero to 3 - 4. After 15 years, participants with the highest score of 3 - 4 had an 84% greater risk of developing high blood pressure. Those with the second-highest score of 2 had a 47% greater risk. What didn’t affect the results: race, age, gender, education, blood pressure at the time of enrollment or the presence of hypertension risk factors such as overweight/obesity, alcohol consumption, and physical activity.
If you experience a great deal of time urgency and therefore impatience, you need to decide if hypertension is too high a price to pay. If it is, you’ll need to learn patience. The most important thing to help you is to develop self-soothing techniques.
Impatience is a form of anger, which pushes you to look for the cause outside of yourself, like the *!☆~ who cut you off in traffic. But this implies that the other person has to get out of your way for you to be soothed. Since that person is beyond your control you’ll instead need to soothe yourself.
• Deep breathe every time you find yourself becoming impatient.
• Distract yourself when impatient. For example, while standing in a checkout line read the sensationalist and comical headlines of tabloids.
• Ultimately you must change how you interpret whatever is getting in your way. Learn to recognize your impatient interpretations, "You ignorant moron!" Instead invent your own self-soothing-interpretation such as, "How important will it be in one year that this person is slowing me down?" Hopefully, more often than not you’ll answer, “It’s not at all important. Why am I wasting all of this energy on it?”
You've learned to be impatient and therefore can learn to be patient. It’s more difficult for those who experienced great amounts of early childhood trauma, which can program a short fuse for your fight flight response. Much of the trick to self-soothing is to learn to distract your mind at the earliest possible red flag of impending impatience/time urgency. Ironically, you’ll need to be patient to continue looking for techniques that calm you. Be very persistent in using them. The more you do the sooner and the better they’ll soothe you.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 7, 2006
“Impatience is a fuse to a stress explosion”, said my husband. It can go off while standing in line at the grocery store or while navigating rush-hour traffic. People who irritate you or hold you up in some way can also be the detonation. For some, it can be ignited by pretty much anything.
Our techno-stress-age with its accompanying expectations for everything to be faster can push even patient people to the edge. However, for health reasons the concern is for those who are impatient much of the time, often over insignificant events.
Impatience and hostility are a form of stress and are part of the Type A personality. Research has long shown that stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, causing a series of heart and blood vessel consequences, including narrowing of the blood vessels and an increase in blood pressure. These traits increase even a young adult’s long-term risk of developing high blood pressure, according to a study funded by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and published by the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2003.
3,308 blacks and whites, ages 18 to 30 when the research began in 1985, were studied. It found that higher levels of impatience and hostility were significantly associated with the development of hypertension after 15 years. Greater amounts of these equated to a greater risk. Interestingly, competitiveness, depression, and anxiety didn’t seem to increase the risk of hypertension.
The subjects rated their time urgency/impatience on a scale from zero to 3 - 4. After 15 years, participants with the highest score of 3 - 4 had an 84% greater risk of developing high blood pressure. Those with the second-highest score of 2 had a 47% greater risk. What didn’t affect the results: race, age, gender, education, blood pressure at the time of enrollment or the presence of hypertension risk factors such as overweight/obesity, alcohol consumption, and physical activity.
If you experience a great deal of time urgency and therefore impatience, you need to decide if hypertension is too high a price to pay. If it is, you’ll need to learn patience. The most important thing to help you is to develop self-soothing techniques.
Impatience is a form of anger, which pushes you to look for the cause outside of yourself, like the *!☆~ who cut you off in traffic. But this implies that the other person has to get out of your way for you to be soothed. Since that person is beyond your control you’ll instead need to soothe yourself.
• Deep breathe every time you find yourself becoming impatient.
• Distract yourself when impatient. For example, while standing in a checkout line read the sensationalist and comical headlines of tabloids.
• Ultimately you must change how you interpret whatever is getting in your way. Learn to recognize your impatient interpretations, "You ignorant moron!" Instead invent your own self-soothing-interpretation such as, "How important will it be in one year that this person is slowing me down?" Hopefully, more often than not you’ll answer, “It’s not at all important. Why am I wasting all of this energy on it?”
You've learned to be impatient and therefore can learn to be patient. It’s more difficult for those who experienced great amounts of early childhood trauma, which can program a short fuse for your fight flight response. Much of the trick to self-soothing is to learn to distract your mind at the earliest possible red flag of impending impatience/time urgency. Ironically, you’ll need to be patient to continue looking for techniques that calm you. Be very persistent in using them. The more you do the sooner and the better they’ll soothe you.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Simplify your life to reduce your stress
Stress for Success
February 21, 2006
There's nothing simple about the typical American life. We work too hard, treat time like an enemy, spend too much money on too much stuff, and sit around too much watching TV while eating too much. No wonder we’re a society of obesity and diabetes, heart attacks and strokes, sleep deprivation and exhaustion, road rage and depression.
Wow, that sounds really depressing! This description certainly isn't true about everybody. Perhaps, though, it's a little true about most of us. So what's a stressed-out American to do? Consider slowing down, if not getting off, the treadmill of your life by simplifying in a way that would make living easier for you.
To do so you'll need to challenge stereotypical American assumptions. For example, baby boomers need to challenge the belief that human worth is tied to how much we work. Some parents need to stop equating being a good parent with giving your children everything they want. In other words, simplifying your life will be different person to person. What would make your life easier?
The author of Simplify Your Life, Elaine St. James, addresses eight different areas to consider. Among her ideas:
• Your household: de-clutter, speed-clean, get rid of your lawn
• Lifestyle: move to a smaller house, turn off the TV, simplify your wardrobe
• Finances: get out of debt, rethink your buying habits, teach your kids fiscal responsibility
• Your job: toss your Day Runner, work near where you live, do what you really want to do
• Health: simplify your eating habits, have a fruit- or juice-fast one day a week, meditate
• Your personal life: clean up your relationships, be yourself, trust your intuition
• Simplicity for women: kick off your high heels, downsize your purse
• Hard-core simplicity: rent rather than own, get rid of your car, stop making the bed (only a woman would understand why this would be hard-core)
To begin the process of simplification:
• Begin a conversation with your family about what’s most important to you. What would make your lives easier? Are you cooking different menus to satisfy everyone? Are you experiencing multiple physical symptoms of stress? Do you value health over making a lot of money? Once you've decided what would help make your lives easier, then …
• Create quiet time in nature or through meditation several times a week to …
• Ask and answer your questions about how to simplify. It’s nearly impossible to see what’s best when you're on your treadmill at high speed. Journaling and quiet contemplation allow you to see answers you couldn’t otherwise.
• Make even a small change that increases simplicity in your life. Then make another change that makes your life easier. Once you start the process it can build up a life of its own. Making simpler choices becomes easier.
Happiness and satisfaction are never won through what you own. They come from being what you want to be, from your relationships, from being satisfied with what you have versus dissatisfied with what you don't, and living your values. Tweak your simplicity as the months and years go by to ensure that you don’t slip back onto the American hyper-treadmill. Next week we’ll consider some ways to get the answers you need to simplify your life.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
February 21, 2006
There's nothing simple about the typical American life. We work too hard, treat time like an enemy, spend too much money on too much stuff, and sit around too much watching TV while eating too much. No wonder we’re a society of obesity and diabetes, heart attacks and strokes, sleep deprivation and exhaustion, road rage and depression.
Wow, that sounds really depressing! This description certainly isn't true about everybody. Perhaps, though, it's a little true about most of us. So what's a stressed-out American to do? Consider slowing down, if not getting off, the treadmill of your life by simplifying in a way that would make living easier for you.
To do so you'll need to challenge stereotypical American assumptions. For example, baby boomers need to challenge the belief that human worth is tied to how much we work. Some parents need to stop equating being a good parent with giving your children everything they want. In other words, simplifying your life will be different person to person. What would make your life easier?
The author of Simplify Your Life, Elaine St. James, addresses eight different areas to consider. Among her ideas:
• Your household: de-clutter, speed-clean, get rid of your lawn
• Lifestyle: move to a smaller house, turn off the TV, simplify your wardrobe
• Finances: get out of debt, rethink your buying habits, teach your kids fiscal responsibility
• Your job: toss your Day Runner, work near where you live, do what you really want to do
• Health: simplify your eating habits, have a fruit- or juice-fast one day a week, meditate
• Your personal life: clean up your relationships, be yourself, trust your intuition
• Simplicity for women: kick off your high heels, downsize your purse
• Hard-core simplicity: rent rather than own, get rid of your car, stop making the bed (only a woman would understand why this would be hard-core)
To begin the process of simplification:
• Begin a conversation with your family about what’s most important to you. What would make your lives easier? Are you cooking different menus to satisfy everyone? Are you experiencing multiple physical symptoms of stress? Do you value health over making a lot of money? Once you've decided what would help make your lives easier, then …
• Create quiet time in nature or through meditation several times a week to …
• Ask and answer your questions about how to simplify. It’s nearly impossible to see what’s best when you're on your treadmill at high speed. Journaling and quiet contemplation allow you to see answers you couldn’t otherwise.
• Make even a small change that increases simplicity in your life. Then make another change that makes your life easier. Once you start the process it can build up a life of its own. Making simpler choices becomes easier.
Happiness and satisfaction are never won through what you own. They come from being what you want to be, from your relationships, from being satisfied with what you have versus dissatisfied with what you don't, and living your values. Tweak your simplicity as the months and years go by to ensure that you don’t slip back onto the American hyper-treadmill. Next week we’ll consider some ways to get the answers you need to simplify your life.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Stress for Success
February 14, 2006
Simplify your life by buying less stuff and managing your finances
Simplifying your life definitely reduces stress. One important area for the stereotypical American who accumulates too much stuff is to simplify your buying habits and take charge of your finances.
When I returned from the Peace Corps (Colombia 1971 – 1973) I took a job in Boston. Not knowing a soul there, I looked through roommate ads and ended up renting an apartment with three teachers.
In this tiny, doll-house-like place, where space was a valuable commodity, I was assigned one shelf in the hall closet for my toiletries. My handful of items looked laughingly lonely on that bare shelf. Their shelves were crammed with mountains of endless supplies – for what, I couldn’t imagine. Because I only took up a tiny corner of my shelf I gave them the rest.
Thirty-three years later I can fill up shelves better than before but I’m still nowhere near as adroit at it as they were. Most Americans buy stuff they soon forget they even own. The clutter of it also adds to your stress (not to mention the drain on the environment).
My very wise husband is fond of saying, “You don’t own your possessions, they own you”. Ponder this simple truth. If you complain about working 60 hours a week to earn enough to pay your mortgage, consciously admit that you’ve chosen a certain caliber of home. Instead, you could choose to live more modestly and be less pressured financially. You might even gain time to do the things you say you miss.
To pursue buying and financial simplicity:
• Go through every drawer and closet in your home and office and toss out everything you haven’t used in one year. Put away into a box those things you simply cannot part with and date it a year from now. If you don’t look for anything in that box over the next year toss it.
• Make a purchasing rule a dear friend and Olympic shopper did. She allowed herself to only buy things for which she had the cash. She noticed that those things she passed up for lack of cash were things she didn’t even want later on. She became very aware of how much impulse buying she did of stuff that really didn’t matter.
• When shopping take along no credit cards or checks but only the cash you’ve decided you can afford to spend.
• Follow Debtors Anonymous advice.
• Create a real budget. Break down your expenses into your general categories of spending; mortgage/rent, food, entertainment, monthly bills, kids’ items, clothing, etc. Decide what you can spend on monthly based on your income and divide it among your categories. Document what you actually spend every month. If the income is less than the expenses then obviously you must cut the expenses. To help you do this,
• Divide your budget items into two columns: what you need and want. You need a pair of shoes; you may want fifteen pairs. You need a car but want a Jaguar. Start slashing from those you want to make sure there’s enough for what you need.
• Reduce your entire budget by 10 – 15%. Next year cut more.
• Decrease your spending on outside entertainment, one of the surest ways to blow your budget.
• Work with a financial counselor to pay off your debt, no matter how slowly.
• Downsize your home and invest the difference.
Simplifying how you manage your money is a profitable first step to reducing your financial stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
February 14, 2006
Simplify your life by buying less stuff and managing your finances
Simplifying your life definitely reduces stress. One important area for the stereotypical American who accumulates too much stuff is to simplify your buying habits and take charge of your finances.
When I returned from the Peace Corps (Colombia 1971 – 1973) I took a job in Boston. Not knowing a soul there, I looked through roommate ads and ended up renting an apartment with three teachers.
In this tiny, doll-house-like place, where space was a valuable commodity, I was assigned one shelf in the hall closet for my toiletries. My handful of items looked laughingly lonely on that bare shelf. Their shelves were crammed with mountains of endless supplies – for what, I couldn’t imagine. Because I only took up a tiny corner of my shelf I gave them the rest.
Thirty-three years later I can fill up shelves better than before but I’m still nowhere near as adroit at it as they were. Most Americans buy stuff they soon forget they even own. The clutter of it also adds to your stress (not to mention the drain on the environment).
My very wise husband is fond of saying, “You don’t own your possessions, they own you”. Ponder this simple truth. If you complain about working 60 hours a week to earn enough to pay your mortgage, consciously admit that you’ve chosen a certain caliber of home. Instead, you could choose to live more modestly and be less pressured financially. You might even gain time to do the things you say you miss.
To pursue buying and financial simplicity:
• Go through every drawer and closet in your home and office and toss out everything you haven’t used in one year. Put away into a box those things you simply cannot part with and date it a year from now. If you don’t look for anything in that box over the next year toss it.
• Make a purchasing rule a dear friend and Olympic shopper did. She allowed herself to only buy things for which she had the cash. She noticed that those things she passed up for lack of cash were things she didn’t even want later on. She became very aware of how much impulse buying she did of stuff that really didn’t matter.
• When shopping take along no credit cards or checks but only the cash you’ve decided you can afford to spend.
• Follow Debtors Anonymous advice.
• Create a real budget. Break down your expenses into your general categories of spending; mortgage/rent, food, entertainment, monthly bills, kids’ items, clothing, etc. Decide what you can spend on monthly based on your income and divide it among your categories. Document what you actually spend every month. If the income is less than the expenses then obviously you must cut the expenses. To help you do this,
• Divide your budget items into two columns: what you need and want. You need a pair of shoes; you may want fifteen pairs. You need a car but want a Jaguar. Start slashing from those you want to make sure there’s enough for what you need.
• Reduce your entire budget by 10 – 15%. Next year cut more.
• Decrease your spending on outside entertainment, one of the surest ways to blow your budget.
• Work with a financial counselor to pay off your debt, no matter how slowly.
• Downsize your home and invest the difference.
Simplifying how you manage your money is a profitable first step to reducing your financial stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at http://www.jackieferguson.com/ or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Stress for Success
February 7, 2006
Skills can build rapport with people you find difficult to handle
Over the past weeks I’ve written about how to deal with certain types of difficult people. Effective as th ideas may be, sometimes they just don't work. The reason may be that you and the other person aren’t in rapport.
When you’re in rapport you feel comfortable with and trusting of each other therefore more likely to cooperate and less likely to resist. The essence of being in rapport is to be similar; to look and act more like the person(s) with whom you want rapport.
A classic example is the first women who rose up through management ranks. What kind of clothing did they wear? They wore conservative, dark suits --- just like men. Whether these trailblazing women were consciously aware or not, at some level they knew they needed to fit in. For them to be perceived as promotable they needed to appear similar to the men who could promote them.
Everyone naturally builds rapport with those whom they trust. The trick is to become aware of how you do this and to use these natural skills with people with whom you don't have rapport. Here are three ways in which you instinctively build rapport:
• Cultural: "When in Rome do as the Romans.” For example, at an elegant dinner where multiple forks, spoons and knives are set, if uncertain about which utensil to use wouldn't you model those around you who seem to know?
• Verbal: match language patterns and conversational content. You can model another person's rate of speech, voice tone, etc. You can also shape your vocabulary to match the other person’s visual, auditory or kinesthetic language use. However this takes a lot of practice.
• Behavioral synchronization is the easiest rapport building skill where you "mirror" another’s body language.
Let's combine the advice from the past weeks on handling difficult people with the rapport building skills using the example of an aggressive boss. (I won’t use a customer example because interactions with customers are governed by different rules). If your reaction is one of intimidation your boss will see a green light to overpower you. The advice I wrote about for dealing with this kind of difficult person was to:.
• Let him vent, then paraphrase him
• Get his attention by standing up, sitting down or using his name
• Use direct eye contact
• Present yourself assertively and refuse to argue
Let's say you do all these things to no avail. So study how much you and he are or aren’t mirroring each other. To get better results you'll need to look and act more like he does; which may be the last thing you want to do. But there are little things you can mirror. If he speaks loudly and rapidly you'll need to speak more like that than you might normally. If he invades your space and you back down you’re being different. Don't necessarily invade his space but at least stand your ground. If your boss uses few gestures when he speaks then mirror this.
Just for the fun of it, study how you already build rapport with people whom you trust. Also notice those you're uncomfortable with and how you aren’t mirroring them. Then select somebody with whom you'd like to have more rapport. Study how others mirror that person. Make note of what you could do to be more similar to that person. When comfortable begin to mirror him. If you do it in a natural way you'll find that the distance begins to close and trust begins to build.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
February 7, 2006
Skills can build rapport with people you find difficult to handle
Over the past weeks I’ve written about how to deal with certain types of difficult people. Effective as th ideas may be, sometimes they just don't work. The reason may be that you and the other person aren’t in rapport.
When you’re in rapport you feel comfortable with and trusting of each other therefore more likely to cooperate and less likely to resist. The essence of being in rapport is to be similar; to look and act more like the person(s) with whom you want rapport.
A classic example is the first women who rose up through management ranks. What kind of clothing did they wear? They wore conservative, dark suits --- just like men. Whether these trailblazing women were consciously aware or not, at some level they knew they needed to fit in. For them to be perceived as promotable they needed to appear similar to the men who could promote them.
Everyone naturally builds rapport with those whom they trust. The trick is to become aware of how you do this and to use these natural skills with people with whom you don't have rapport. Here are three ways in which you instinctively build rapport:
• Cultural: "When in Rome do as the Romans.” For example, at an elegant dinner where multiple forks, spoons and knives are set, if uncertain about which utensil to use wouldn't you model those around you who seem to know?
• Verbal: match language patterns and conversational content. You can model another person's rate of speech, voice tone, etc. You can also shape your vocabulary to match the other person’s visual, auditory or kinesthetic language use. However this takes a lot of practice.
• Behavioral synchronization is the easiest rapport building skill where you "mirror" another’s body language.
Let's combine the advice from the past weeks on handling difficult people with the rapport building skills using the example of an aggressive boss. (I won’t use a customer example because interactions with customers are governed by different rules). If your reaction is one of intimidation your boss will see a green light to overpower you. The advice I wrote about for dealing with this kind of difficult person was to:.
• Let him vent, then paraphrase him
• Get his attention by standing up, sitting down or using his name
• Use direct eye contact
• Present yourself assertively and refuse to argue
Let's say you do all these things to no avail. So study how much you and he are or aren’t mirroring each other. To get better results you'll need to look and act more like he does; which may be the last thing you want to do. But there are little things you can mirror. If he speaks loudly and rapidly you'll need to speak more like that than you might normally. If he invades your space and you back down you’re being different. Don't necessarily invade his space but at least stand your ground. If your boss uses few gestures when he speaks then mirror this.
Just for the fun of it, study how you already build rapport with people whom you trust. Also notice those you're uncomfortable with and how you aren’t mirroring them. Then select somebody with whom you'd like to have more rapport. Study how others mirror that person. Make note of what you could do to be more similar to that person. When comfortable begin to mirror him. If you do it in a natural way you'll find that the distance begins to close and trust begins to build.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Jackie Ferguson is an international trainer and professional/personal development coach who works with clients to achieve desired results with less stress. She has presented training programs throughout the U. S., the U. K., Australia and points in between on topics such as diversity (Building Diverse Teams, Bridging the Generation Gap), customer service, stress reduction, public speaking, and many more. Literally hundreds-of-thousands of people world wide have benefitted from her programs. Her programs are packed with "how to" skills that participants can use right now! As a professional/personal development coach Jackie works with clients all over the world to help them learn management skills, how to balance their lives, and to handle sensitive issues. Hiring Jackie will make you look great! You can read her weekly, published column, Stress for Success on this blog. InterAction Associates239-693-8111
Training & Coaching with a purpose
Training Programs
Bridging the Generation Gap
Building Diverse Teams
Workplace/Sexual Harassment
Stress Management
Team Building
Polished Public Speaking
Leadership & Team Building
Customer Service
Stress & Time Management
And more! Professional/Personal Development Coaching for
Polishing skills learned from her workshops
Public Speaking
Decision Making
Interpersonal Skills
Confronting Sensitive Issues
Team Building
Creative Problem Solving
Much more!
Jacquelyn Ferguson's stress reduction programs have reached literally hundreds-of-thousands of people worldwide. Check out her weekly, published column on this blog. For more information on her other training programs (generational and other workplace diversity to workplace harassment to customer service) and her Professional/Personal Development Coaching at www.jackieferguson.com
Friday, January 13, 2006
Stress for Succss
January 31, 2006
Get comfortable with silence, allowing Clam time to open up
You ask your 16-year-old what he thinks about something and he just shrugs his shoulders. Or you try to get your spouse to share her feelings but she won’t. These Clams (as author Dr. Robert Bramson calls them) seem passive but their silence is a very powerful tactic. Usually they use silence to control, sometimes to hurt you or to get even with you.
Since Americans tend to be uncomfortable with silence, your typical reaction to your Clam is probably to talk. To get her to open up, however, you need to silently wait for her reply.
Try these general ideas:
• Ask open questions which start with “how” or “what”. For example, you’ve just finished an employee performance appraisal meeting and you ask, “Does this sound fair to you?” Nothing. You squirm after a few seconds then explain98 your evaluation. Instead, use an open question. “What’s your reaction to what I’ve said?” Then sit silently with a look that communicates you expect her to respond. In your head, count to sixty or beyond. Often she’ll start talking once she realizes you aren’t going to jump in. If she doesn’t, then
• State the obvious. “I’ve gone over your performance appraisal and have asked for your reaction but you’ve said nothing. What’s (open question) going on?” This time, count silently to more than you did the first time. Most Clams will start talking.
• If not, set a limit on how long you’ll wait. Don’t try to out-wait a Clam. “We’ve been sitting here for several minutes waiting for your reply. If I hear nothing from you by 4:00 p.m. I’ll assume you agree with my appraisal of your performance.”
When it’s a family member who’s not talking use the “Back-to-Back” technique. (You sit back-to-back to keep from seeing each other’s nonverbal reactions.) I’ve seen communication miracles using this technique. For example, you’re having difficulty communicating about finances with your spouse. Agree upon:
• meeting twice over two to three weeks.
• a day, time and place to meet.
• what you’ll discuss (e.g., finances) and for how long (fifteen to thirty minutes each person is recommended).
• who’ll speak first.
When the meeting arrives sit back-to-back. Follow these rules:
• Whoever goes first says whatever she wants to say about the agreed-upon topic uninterrupted for her entire amount of time. If she runs out of things to say, sit there silently until her time is done. Follow this rule carefully and you may be amazed at what comes out.
• Then he speaks only about the agreed-upon topic, uninterrupted. He doesn’t respond to anything she said but rather only says how he sees the topic.
• After each is finished, go your separate ways saying nothing.
• The second meeting (one to two weeks later) he speaks first and responds to what she said the first time, uninterrupted. Then she speaks for her allotted time responding to what he said the first time, uninterrupted. After the allotted time go your separate ways again.
• Repeat this process until you can discuss the sensitive issue without the back-to-back technique.
The main point with Clams is to not fill the silence when they say nothing. By giving them some space many if not most will slowly begin to open up.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 24, 2006
Keep these steps in mind when dealing with a Chronic Complainer
Have you ever heard the one about the boss who says to an employee who’s complaining again, “would you like a little cheese with that whine?” The first time I heard this I cracked up. The boss who told me this said it worked! His complaining employee stopped complaining.
This may not necessarily work with the complainers in your life. The point of this example is that the boss changed his reaction to his Chronic Complainer. Remember from past articles in this series that your predictable reaction is the power of difficult types of people. The good news is that your reaction is within your control. Change your reaction to get a different result whether with a difficult person or with your best friend vs. expecting her to change. She’s beyond your control and wishing she’d change is barking up a stressful tree.
So change your reaction to your complainer. Because you typically know what will come out of a Chronic Complainer’s mouth, you probably ignore him. Unfortunately this can motivate him to complain even more. Ignoring isn’t working.
To come up with a better approach it helps to understand this personality. What most Chronic Complainers need is to be heard. When they're ignored they tend to complain more loudly. (To get more information on this and other difficult people, read the best book I’ve found on this subject, Coping with Difficult People by Dr. Robert Bramson.)
Think of a Chronic Complainer in your life. Have you ever stopped to truly listen to not only his words but the essence of what he’s saying? Try it. You may be surprised that he complains less as he feels better understood.
Here are some other tips to keep in mind when dealing with a this personality type:
• Listen carefully, then paraphrase what you heard him say.
• If his complaint is stated with sweeping terminology like “always” or “never”, “everyone” or “no one”, pin him down to specifics.
• Ask how he would handle the situation about which he’s complaining. It may encourage him to think in a different way; in a non-complaining away.
• If your Chronic Complainer is an employee, assign him the responsibility of solving whatever the problem is he's complaining about. Some people complain out of habit and once faced with the responsibility of fixing what they’re complaining about they stop because they don't want the responsibility. If they truly want the problem solved and they're put in charge of solving it, it might allow them to be more empowered therefore less likely to complain.
• If he’s complaining about another person, encourage him to go talk to that person instead of to you.
• Ask him to put his complaint in writing if it's appropriate. The very act of writing it down sometimes makes it obvious that his complaint is invalid. Or he may rephrase it in a way that you can hear it better. You may even see that he has a legitimate complaint.
If none of this works, ask him, “how do you want this conversation to end?” This is another way to get him to think in a way that isn’t complaining but problem-solving in nature.
Next week we’ll consider the person who says little and withholds what s/he is thinking … mum’s the word.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 10, 2006
You can run with the bulls rather than be run over
Pain-in-the-neck people are found in all races, religions, and both genders. And they all have the same power: your predictable reaction. Those who’ve used difficult behavior to get their way understand that the law of averages dictates that most people will react predictably. So your challenge is to find a different way to deal with them that brings about a better outcome.
First, there are three things you need to do better:
• Don't take the difficult behavior personally
• Approach professionally
• Focus on problem solving vs. personalities
How do you not take the difficult behavior personally? People who are good at this use the next two items to help them; they approach the difficult person professionally and focus on problem solving.
They do this partly by being in control of what they’re thinking about the difficult person and her behavior. This week we’ll look at how to deal with the Bulls in your life; those who come out charging and attacking, covertly or overtly. When you're frightened by a Bull and thinking something like, “how can I get out of here”, you’re giving off nonverbal signals of intimidation, a green light to a Bull to attack. Think assertive thoughts to increase your success.
To handle any difficult person it helps to better understand her. Bulls usually
• are frustrated for some reason.
• see their targets as inferior so feel free to be abusive, abrupt and intimidating.
• use manipulation, anger, aggression, blaming, and other in-your-face strategies.
• need to be right and to be in control.
• lose others’ cooperation, honest feedback, and friendship because of their tactics.
A very challenging Bull in the workplace could be your boss. The Workplace Bullying and Drama Institute in Bellingham, Washington conducted interviews and came up with four types of Bully Bosses.
• The Snake is the most common. She’s a Jekyll and Hyde who trashes you behind your back while smiling to your face.
• The Screamer is a fist-pounder who thrives on public displays of anger. Since this type of person is less likely to succeed in the workplace he’s less common.
• The Nit-picker uses insinuation and insults to chip away at an your confidence.
• The Gate-keeper is cold and controlling, plays favorites by helping some workers succeed while sabotaging others.
To have greater success with Bulls:
• Give her time to run down and let off steam. Paraphrase her. If she doesn't run down, jump in when she takes a breath.
• Get her attention; stand up or sit down, use her name, maintain direct eye contact.
• Show your serious intentions; “I see this is important to you, let's talk about it.”
• Present your ideas assertively and refuse to argue.
• Expose what seems to be manipulative behavior. “I feel I’m being manipulated. What’s going on?”
• Act professionally and be as friendly as possible.
Helpful as these steps can be, what's important is not what you say but how you say it. Your reaction is determined by your conscious and unconscious thinking. Affirm your rights with this person, such as, “I have the right to stand up for myself.” Fake it until you make it. If you’re more aggressive yourself you may need to affirm the other person’s rights and/or to affirm your desired behavior, “I’m avoiding arguments”.
Next week we’ll look at another difficult personality type, the Chronic Complainer.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 3, 2006
Change your own approach when dealing with difficult people
Wouldn’t it be great if difficult people were easier to get along with; if he’d pull his own weight at work, if she’d quit being so bossy; if everyone would just shape up?
What’s inherently unproductive and stressful about this? If you answered that it implies the difficult person, who’s beyond your control, must change you answered correctly! Yet how many of us keep reacting to our difficult person in the same way hoping for a different outcome? Someone has said that this is the definition of insanity (which, of course, it isn’t but you get the point).
Too much focus on how you wish that person would miraculously change makes you a very stressful victim to him, grumbling about and waiting for him to improve. Good luck!
The bottom line rule in getting a better outcome with anyone, difficult or not, is to change what you’re doing. This will almost always (not always) elicit a change from him. It may not bring about the outcome you want so you may need to change your approach a few times to get closer. (And let’s face it, interaction skills only increase your batting average; they don’t ensure success all of the time.)
All difficult people have the same power. Gratefully it’s something over which you have ultimate control; your typical reaction. That Sherman Tank of a boss knows you’ll back down. The Sniper who takes passive-aggressive pot shots knows you won’t blow his cover. This is an important reason to change your response to encourage a different outcome.
For example, you’ve discovered that one of your coworkers has put down your project to others behind your back. Because you don’t want to get the person who told you about this into trouble you say nothing.
His power is your predictable reaction; you let it slide. What would happen if you didn’t? What would happen if you exposed his manipulation by saying something like, “Stan, I understand you have a problem with my project. Would you like to discuss it?”
Either he’ll deny he has a problem or he’ll come right out and say what it is. If he denies it you could request that if he does have a problem in the future to please speak up so it can be dealt with. If he tells you what’s wrong with your project you’d better be prepared to deal with it --- non-defensively, preferably.
In general, when dealing with any difficult person remember that your predictable reaction is that person’s power over you. Identify what that is and commit to changing it based on your positive goal in the situation. If you don’t know how to change your reaction, model your behavior on others who handle him well.
Specifically, in dealing with a Sniper:
• Consider seeking out his opinion about your ideas and encourage him to be honest with you. Often Snipers aren’t assertive enough to openly express themselves so giving him a comfortable forum in which to speak up may circumvent his typical sniping.
• Expose what you think his intention or meaning is when he’s sniping and encourage him to speak openly not covertly.
• Involve others in dealing with his objections.
In the next weeks I’ll explore ideas of dealing with other difficult personality types and how you can change your style with them vs. wishing and hoping they’ll change.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
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