Make wise choices on how you spend time
Stress for Success
July 21, 2009

Is lack of time one of your biggest stressors?

But how can that be when you have all the time there is - 24 hours a day? How can a Martha Stewart accomplish incredible things while others do so little with the same amount of time?

Because time management isn’t about “finding” more time it’s about managing yourself better.

If you have impulses like, “I have to clean the house,” and “I must help those around me,” you may operate out of one or more of the following “compulsive time use” habits identified by author Dr. Dru Scott:
* The Rock: others depend upon you;
* Like Me: say “yes” when you want to say “no;”
* Be Perfect: everything must be right;
* Good Student: A for effort;
* Hurry Up! Always in a hurry;

Do any of these describe your habitual time use motivations? Dr. Scott estimates that approximately 80% of your time may be spent compulsively (obsessively). When you’re a perfectionist, for example, it doesn’t occur to you that some things are entirely fine imperfectly done or that people don’t always have to do things your way (even though your way is better).

Red flags that you’re compulsively using your time include having lots of have tos, musts and shoulds. These amorphous decrees are rigid and lead you to operate unconsciously without contemplating your true options: you avoid conscious responsibility for daily choices.

If you’ve been shoulding on yourself forever it’s hard to know why you blindly follow your unwritten rules. Suffice it to say, you learned your imperatives and haven’t challenged them enough to decide which to discard.

One thing’s certain, as long as you continue to believe you have to do this or must do that, nothing will change.

If time feels like an enemy take responsibility by making conscious choices about your time investments:
* Keep track on paper for a week whenever you do something because you think you should, must or have to.
* Substitute with “prefer”, “want” or “choose” to identify which to stop doing for the subsequent month. Stop doing some things you should do but prefer not to do. (Weigh the consequences. If you prefer not to feed your kids and some are too young to feed themselves, you have to feed them.)
* Discontinue doing easier things first, like if you typically run errands for your parents on the weekend and you fear they’d be upset if you stopped, even though you want to stop, choose another area in which to protect your time. Eventually you can set limits even with your parents and see that the world doesn’t end.

We all have rules imposed on us by parents and society that continue to dominate us. Question the wisdom of adhering to those that unduly stress you. Change some of your choices to lower your stress. Over time you’ll learn to become more in charge of your own standards, which puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.