Nurture your friendships to lower your stress
Stress for Success
March 18, 2008

Eight of my best girlfriends and I enjoyed a wonderful brunch together one recent Saturday to celebrate our Colorado friend’s visit. The next day we kayaked the Orange River with our husbands and then returned to my house for a birthday party and dinner. So much went on between us that was so very good and healthy.

We swapped stories about the good and not so good events in our lives. We poked fun at each other as well as at ourselves. We gave advice. We just listened. We cried. We laughed, and sometimes we laughed so hard we cried. Through everything, we communicated our love and acceptance that have spanned 26 years.

There are an even dozen of us in this circle of female friends. Our love and closeness also extend to everyone’s husbands and children. We've been through decades of ups and downs and are closer because of it. We’re very aware of our great fortune.

Friendships like these don't just happen, they require lots of investment. "What goes around comes around;" to receive unconditional love and support from others you must also give it.

Great relationships are fun and supportive as well as good for your health.

According to the Mayo Clinic having close friends and family on whom you can depend has extensive health benefits. Friendship allows you to connect with others, increasing your sense of belonging, purpose and self-esteem, which promotes mental wellness. Having trustworthy friends to share your life also reduces your unhealthy reactions to stressful events.

You don't have time, you say, to nurture friendships? This is true only if you think it is. If you value friendship enough you'll make the time. Even during our child-raising-phases we scheduled near monthly events for just the girls and many weekend events for the families. Not everyone attended everything but mostly we did.

It's hard to make new friends, you counter? Perhaps, but it's worth figuring out a way to find and nurture them. This circle of friends came together in the early 1980s when we were involved in common community causes. We all joined organizations out of our commitment and passion to these social causes and through them we met each other.

It took the initiative of one of the women to invite the rest of us together for the first time. We had a raucous and fun time from the very beginning. It took this same person to get us all back together time and again, until the group energy eventually took on a life of its own. And here we are 26 years later, with more wrinkles, some new husbands, and eternal gratefulness for each other.

You don't have to have a dozen close friends. One or two will do. But you need friends outside of your family for objectivity, variety and potential for growth.

In following weeks we'll consider the research regarding why friendships are good for you and how to go about finding them.

In the meantime, be a very good friend to yourself.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.