Spirituality matters health-wise
There are many reasons why it’s good to develop
Stress for Success
1/30/07
What strengthens your spirituality? Meditation? Religious services? Kayaking the beautiful Southwest Florida waterways? Volunteering? For me, I expanded my spirituality in recent years through singing in the SW FL Symphony Chorus and volunteering as a Cuddler at Lee Memorial.
There’s no "one size fits all" religious or spiritual practice; they all give your life more meaning and connect you to something bigger than yourself. And, they all give you significant stress reduction benefits.
Over the centuries we’ve largely lost touch with historic ties to spirituality that permeated earlier societies. That’s why Western medicine has only recently focused on the connection between spirituality and health.
Dr. Harold G. Koenig of the Duke University Medical Center has found that religion and spirituality have a profound effect on health. He says, "In all the world's major religions the virtues of forgiveness, gratefulness, kindness, and love are all encouraged and doing these kinds of things likely improves one's health." Dr. Koenig has found that spirituality gives people a sense of direction, connectedness, support, optimism and self-worth that helps them cope with their stress.
We know from much unrelated research that stress negatively affects your immune system leaving you more vulnerable to illness and disease. Spirituality gives you a sense of peace leading to improved immune function.
Developing greater spirituality is good for you for additional reasons:
• It helps you define what’s most important to you; what gives you meaning in life. This leads to better decision-making about where and how to invest your time and energy. You’ll focus more on what’s important to you and less on what’s not.
• When you’re connected to something that’s bigger than yourself it’s much harder to become depressed since depression is a very self-focused state. Feeling connected you’ll also feel less alone in the world, which brings you a sense of peace.
• Most spiritual practices involve other people allowing you to develop more meaningful relationships, also good for stress reduction.
• Interpreting life’s events in a spiritual way can make them easier to cope with.
To become more spiritual, start with an internal journey. Try prayer or meditation techniques. Keep a journal to express your thoughts and feelings to track this internal journey. You may want to travel this path with a trusted friend who’s also open to learning new things.
If your choice is to explore organized religion consider learning more about a variety of different faiths. One will almost certainly speak to you more personally than the others indicating which one to pursue.
If you choose to explore spirituality in a secular way, read about the world's different philosophies and about the history of world religions to better understand their philosophical underpinnings. Again you’ll be most drawn to that which touches you the most significantly. Also, explore the arts to see what tugs on your heart.
No matter your spiritual or religious quest, it’s the quest that matters. Exploring and finding what you’re looking for is a reward in itself, not to mention the benefits they bestow upon your well being.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
‘Island’ life suffocates your well-being
If dissatisfied socially, try these suggestions
January 23, 2007
Stress for Success
Al, a retired schoolteacher and widower has led a lonely existence since his wife of 35 years died. He stopped going to church, their previous circle of friends withdrew, and he has no close family. He eats alone, watches a lot of TV to pass time and talks mostly to the mail carrier and an occasional neighbor.
“No man is an island, …” said English poet John Donne. Al is alone on his island and puts himself at risk for illness and depression. As difficult as it may be to start a new life, it’s in his best interests to do so since studies show healthy relationships reduce stress translating into improved health and life satisfaction.
Not just widowers but anyone who is dissatisfied with their social circle would be wise to reach out to a variety of people who’d offer you one or more of the following:
• a great time laughing and enjoying life
• support and the gift of attention
• challenge how you see the world (if you surround yourself with yes-people you’ll never grow)
• desired advice
There are tons of places to meet new people. Leave your island and go do the things you’re interested in and love to do such as take classes, go to museums or sporting events, join a club or a professional organization, volunteer, travel, accept invitations and just start talking to people normally wouldn’t.
Then, to create healthier relationships with new friends and existing ones, try these ideas:
• Assume innocent intent: when you’re quick to assume someone has negative intent you’re looking for trouble and you’ll likely find it. For example, instead of assuming your spouse is lazy for not doing housework when asked, assume he prefers to do it when he’s ready (I know this is radical).
• Give people the gift of your attention: you invest your attention and energy into what you most value. Watching TV four hours/night means you value that more than anything else.
– A survey by PA State University and University of MD found that adults who average 16 hours/week of TV were the least likely to socialize with friends, take classes or play sports.
• Do more things for the sheer sake of fun!
• Be supportive, especially when it’s needed through phone calls, emails, flowers, cards. When your friend is going through tough times give her extra attention.
• Listen nonjudgmentally: the best support of all
• Show your appreciation: communicate in a variety of ways that you appreciate not only your relationship but also specific things about her, like her ability to make you laugh.
• Don’t make your friendship a competition: don’t take it personally if you call her more than she calls you. If you’re calling 100% I might question the friendship, but it doesn’t have to be exactly 50/50.
For the sake of your mental and physical health leave your island more often and invite people to visit you there. Connectedness is largely what it’s all about in this life. Without it you shrivel and fade.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
If dissatisfied socially, try these suggestions
January 23, 2007
Stress for Success
Al, a retired schoolteacher and widower has led a lonely existence since his wife of 35 years died. He stopped going to church, their previous circle of friends withdrew, and he has no close family. He eats alone, watches a lot of TV to pass time and talks mostly to the mail carrier and an occasional neighbor.
“No man is an island, …” said English poet John Donne. Al is alone on his island and puts himself at risk for illness and depression. As difficult as it may be to start a new life, it’s in his best interests to do so since studies show healthy relationships reduce stress translating into improved health and life satisfaction.
Not just widowers but anyone who is dissatisfied with their social circle would be wise to reach out to a variety of people who’d offer you one or more of the following:
• a great time laughing and enjoying life
• support and the gift of attention
• challenge how you see the world (if you surround yourself with yes-people you’ll never grow)
• desired advice
There are tons of places to meet new people. Leave your island and go do the things you’re interested in and love to do such as take classes, go to museums or sporting events, join a club or a professional organization, volunteer, travel, accept invitations and just start talking to people normally wouldn’t.
Then, to create healthier relationships with new friends and existing ones, try these ideas:
• Assume innocent intent: when you’re quick to assume someone has negative intent you’re looking for trouble and you’ll likely find it. For example, instead of assuming your spouse is lazy for not doing housework when asked, assume he prefers to do it when he’s ready (I know this is radical).
• Give people the gift of your attention: you invest your attention and energy into what you most value. Watching TV four hours/night means you value that more than anything else.
– A survey by PA State University and University of MD found that adults who average 16 hours/week of TV were the least likely to socialize with friends, take classes or play sports.
• Do more things for the sheer sake of fun!
• Be supportive, especially when it’s needed through phone calls, emails, flowers, cards. When your friend is going through tough times give her extra attention.
• Listen nonjudgmentally: the best support of all
• Show your appreciation: communicate in a variety of ways that you appreciate not only your relationship but also specific things about her, like her ability to make you laugh.
• Don’t make your friendship a competition: don’t take it personally if you call her more than she calls you. If you’re calling 100% I might question the friendship, but it doesn’t have to be exactly 50/50.
For the sake of your mental and physical health leave your island more often and invite people to visit you there. Connectedness is largely what it’s all about in this life. Without it you shrivel and fade.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Assess healthiness of your relationship
Stress for Success
January 16, 2006
Unhealthy relationships are as destructive to your well being as healthy ones are good for it. Relationships that are full of conflict and stress negatively impact your blood pressure (a risk factor for heart disease) and other physical problems. An ambivalent relationship, sometimes supportive and sometimes hostile, can actually cause more stress than those that are consistently negative.
So, whom do you surround yourself with? Is a particularly challenging relationship harming you? Are too many people sucking the life out of you --- inching you closer to possible illness?
To assess the health of your relationships increase your awareness of them. Listen to your intuitive answers to these questions regarding especially troublesome ones:
• How do I feel when I’m with him: inferior, superior or equal to him? Do I like myself when I’m with him?
• When I’m with him do I typically behave assertively, passively or aggressively?
• After I’ve been with her do I feel more uplifted or more depressed?
• Are our conversations natural or forced?
• Does she often criticize me? When she does, is she trying to help me vs. control me?
• Does she feel joy for me when something good happens to me?
• Do we share common values?
• Do we bring out the best or the worst in each other?
• Are we supportive of each other?
• Does he usually dominate conversations? If I were more assertive would he willingly listen to me?
• Do I have reason to trust him?
• Is the relationship worth the energy I put into it? Would it improve if I invested more positive energy into it?
If your answers tell you that a person is toxic for you, why do you stay involved with her? Do you have a history of associating with the same type of person? If so, consider professional counseling to help you break your pattern.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
Start letting go of an unhealthy relationship when the energy you put into it brings about fewer and less desirable results. Do it for the good of your health.
For a relationship you’ve decided to diminish, to what degree will you lessen it? Think outside all-or-nothing terms. There are many steps between continuing the relationship as is and ending it completely. For example, if you see this person weekly historically, could you cut back to monthly?
What’s more important, continuing with an unhealthy relationship or your well being? If your health wins out you have three options to change the unhealthy relationship:
1) discontinue or decrease it
2) wait for the other person to change in a positive way (don’t hold your breath)
3) change something you’re doing to help make it healthier.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
I’ll cover some ideas on how to grow healthier relationships next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 16, 2006
Unhealthy relationships are as destructive to your well being as healthy ones are good for it. Relationships that are full of conflict and stress negatively impact your blood pressure (a risk factor for heart disease) and other physical problems. An ambivalent relationship, sometimes supportive and sometimes hostile, can actually cause more stress than those that are consistently negative.
So, whom do you surround yourself with? Is a particularly challenging relationship harming you? Are too many people sucking the life out of you --- inching you closer to possible illness?
To assess the health of your relationships increase your awareness of them. Listen to your intuitive answers to these questions regarding especially troublesome ones:
• How do I feel when I’m with him: inferior, superior or equal to him? Do I like myself when I’m with him?
• When I’m with him do I typically behave assertively, passively or aggressively?
• After I’ve been with her do I feel more uplifted or more depressed?
• Are our conversations natural or forced?
• Does she often criticize me? When she does, is she trying to help me vs. control me?
• Does she feel joy for me when something good happens to me?
• Do we share common values?
• Do we bring out the best or the worst in each other?
• Are we supportive of each other?
• Does he usually dominate conversations? If I were more assertive would he willingly listen to me?
• Do I have reason to trust him?
• Is the relationship worth the energy I put into it? Would it improve if I invested more positive energy into it?
If your answers tell you that a person is toxic for you, why do you stay involved with her? Do you have a history of associating with the same type of person? If so, consider professional counseling to help you break your pattern.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
Start letting go of an unhealthy relationship when the energy you put into it brings about fewer and less desirable results. Do it for the good of your health.
For a relationship you’ve decided to diminish, to what degree will you lessen it? Think outside all-or-nothing terms. There are many steps between continuing the relationship as is and ending it completely. For example, if you see this person weekly historically, could you cut back to monthly?
What’s more important, continuing with an unhealthy relationship or your well being? If your health wins out you have three options to change the unhealthy relationship:
1) discontinue or decrease it
2) wait for the other person to change in a positive way (don’t hold your breath)
3) change something you’re doing to help make it healthier.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
I’ll cover some ideas on how to grow healthier relationships next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Healthy relationships promote physical well-being
Stress for Success
January 9, 2006
Do healthy relationships really contribute to physical and mental well-being? Can they help you live longer? The answer to both seems to be yes.
A life without good friends would be a lonely and barren life indeed. But a life with them brings you fun, laughter and support, which are associated with less stress, increased longevity, and more happiness.
But how often do you run into a friend and say, "let's get together" and then never do? If you don’t set a date certain, you may never. In our crazy and frantic lives it can feel that it's just too difficult to make time to socialize.
It’s easier to spend hours a day on the computer or watching TV, both very solitary activities. Sure you can go into a chat room and “socialize” but it’s not the same as face-to-face relationships.
Here’s what's in it for you to spend more time developing positive relationships.
In a March, 2006 study presented at the American Psychosomatic Society meeting found a connection between hardening of the arteries and the quality of relationships. 150 older, married couples picked a topic of disagreement between them, such as money, and then were videotaped discussing it for six minutes.
“The comments of each were categorized as friendly or hostile, submissive or dominant/controlling. After the discussion, each couple had a C-T scan of their chest to look for evidence of hardening of the arteries.”
The more hostile the wife’s comments, the more hardening of her arteries; her arteries were even worse if she had a hostile husband.
Husbands who displayed more dominant/controlling behavior, or whose wives did, were more likely than other men to have more severe hardening of the arteries.
For women, hostility increases the risk of heart disease, and for men, dominant/controlling behavior does. Interestingly, women were unaffected by their own or their husbands’ dominant behavior, and men were unaffected by their own or their wives’ hostility.
This research suggests that learning to communicate in non-hostile and non-dominant/controlling ways could be as good for your heart as your marriage.
University of Virginia research found through brain scans that stressed women who hold their husbands’ hands show signs of immediate relief. Dr. James Coan, study author, studied several couples who rated themselves highly satisfied with their marriages. His results showed spouse handholding created a large decrease in the brain’s response to threat with a limited decrease in this response when holding the hand of a stranger.
Pets, too, can be good for your health. UCLA research is finding that having a pet might actually improve survival after a heart attack. Additional studies have found that having a pet relieves depression, reduces blood pressure and triglycerides, and improves exercise habits, all which can lower the risk of heart attacks.
On the other hand, relationships that are full of conflict and stress have a negative impact on your health affecting blood pressure, contributing to heart disease and other medical conditions. It's in your best interest to minimize or eliminate negative relationships in your life. This is the topic for next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 9, 2006
Do healthy relationships really contribute to physical and mental well-being? Can they help you live longer? The answer to both seems to be yes.
A life without good friends would be a lonely and barren life indeed. But a life with them brings you fun, laughter and support, which are associated with less stress, increased longevity, and more happiness.
But how often do you run into a friend and say, "let's get together" and then never do? If you don’t set a date certain, you may never. In our crazy and frantic lives it can feel that it's just too difficult to make time to socialize.
It’s easier to spend hours a day on the computer or watching TV, both very solitary activities. Sure you can go into a chat room and “socialize” but it’s not the same as face-to-face relationships.
Here’s what's in it for you to spend more time developing positive relationships.
In a March, 2006 study presented at the American Psychosomatic Society meeting found a connection between hardening of the arteries and the quality of relationships. 150 older, married couples picked a topic of disagreement between them, such as money, and then were videotaped discussing it for six minutes.
“The comments of each were categorized as friendly or hostile, submissive or dominant/controlling. After the discussion, each couple had a C-T scan of their chest to look for evidence of hardening of the arteries.”
The more hostile the wife’s comments, the more hardening of her arteries; her arteries were even worse if she had a hostile husband.
Husbands who displayed more dominant/controlling behavior, or whose wives did, were more likely than other men to have more severe hardening of the arteries.
For women, hostility increases the risk of heart disease, and for men, dominant/controlling behavior does. Interestingly, women were unaffected by their own or their husbands’ dominant behavior, and men were unaffected by their own or their wives’ hostility.
This research suggests that learning to communicate in non-hostile and non-dominant/controlling ways could be as good for your heart as your marriage.
University of Virginia research found through brain scans that stressed women who hold their husbands’ hands show signs of immediate relief. Dr. James Coan, study author, studied several couples who rated themselves highly satisfied with their marriages. His results showed spouse handholding created a large decrease in the brain’s response to threat with a limited decrease in this response when holding the hand of a stranger.
Pets, too, can be good for your health. UCLA research is finding that having a pet might actually improve survival after a heart attack. Additional studies have found that having a pet relieves depression, reduces blood pressure and triglycerides, and improves exercise habits, all which can lower the risk of heart attacks.
On the other hand, relationships that are full of conflict and stress have a negative impact on your health affecting blood pressure, contributing to heart disease and other medical conditions. It's in your best interest to minimize or eliminate negative relationships in your life. This is the topic for next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Reduce expenses, retain workers
An array of ideas may help employers be more successful
Stress for Success
When your employees grumble about workplace stress around the water fountain, what do they say? Not knowing can cost your organization dearly.
With low unemployment rates, retaining employees has never been more important. Which employees can you afford to lose? Is it easy to replace them? How much does it cost? What’s the annual increase for your workers’ compensation and health insurance? Can you hear your bottom line chipping away?
Because a happy worker is more productive and more likely to stay, many employers are experimenting with ideas to reduce employee stress. Here are some:
• Train all to do their jobs more efficiently and safely
• Stop your supervisory personnel from driving away your staff by providing them with management training.
• Facilitate work/life balance by having a team manage a particular job function vs. an individual. If an employee has her child’s soccer game to attend, for example, other team members could cover for her, a wonderful motivator.
• Everyone needs downtime from work so encourage employees to take weekends off and vacations. At Price Waterhouse Coopers if an employee sends an e-mail on a weekend, a pop-up screen reminds him, "It's the weekend and it's important to disconnect and allow others to do the same. Please send your e-mail at the beginning of the workweek."
• Flextime: flexible and creative scheduling helps employees balance their work and home responsibilities.
• Give more personal time. HomeBanc Mortgage Corporation in Atlanta gives employees an extra 24 hours they call "being there" time. Employees use the time whenever they need a couple hours to take care of personal responsibilities without using vacation time.
• Offer regular stress reduction training to all
• If that’s not sufficient offer individual stress coaching
• Concierge services pamper your employees and decrease their errand-running stress. Employees pay for the services, such as dry-cleaning, but not for the concierge service itself.
• On-site childcare addresses many parents’ biggest stressor. You can offer it year-round, during the summer when school’s out or before and after school hours.
• Serenity rooms offer stressed-out employees a few minutes of solitude, particularly helpful for those who work in cubicles where there's absolutely no privacy.
• Massage therapy is one of the best ways to reduce stress. HomeBanc sends massage therapists to each office monthly to offer free neck and shoulder massages. ARUP Laboratories subsidizes on-site massage where employees pay $5 for a 15-minute massage.
• Provide snacks or meals during particularly stressful times of the year, for example during tax season for accounting firms.
• Wellness initiatives such as subsidizing health club membership, nutrition advice, health screenings for cholesterol and blood pressure, financial incentives to those who quit smoking, and work time to exercise or meditate
A cost/benefit analysis can tell you if ideas that seem appropriate for your workers could actually save you money when compared to the high cost of turnover and increased insurance rates.
So what are you waiting for? With stress mounting in our frenzied workplace costing you every step of the way, how can you reduce stress in your organization?
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
An array of ideas may help employers be more successful
Stress for Success
When your employees grumble about workplace stress around the water fountain, what do they say? Not knowing can cost your organization dearly.
With low unemployment rates, retaining employees has never been more important. Which employees can you afford to lose? Is it easy to replace them? How much does it cost? What’s the annual increase for your workers’ compensation and health insurance? Can you hear your bottom line chipping away?
Because a happy worker is more productive and more likely to stay, many employers are experimenting with ideas to reduce employee stress. Here are some:
• Train all to do their jobs more efficiently and safely
• Stop your supervisory personnel from driving away your staff by providing them with management training.
• Facilitate work/life balance by having a team manage a particular job function vs. an individual. If an employee has her child’s soccer game to attend, for example, other team members could cover for her, a wonderful motivator.
• Everyone needs downtime from work so encourage employees to take weekends off and vacations. At Price Waterhouse Coopers if an employee sends an e-mail on a weekend, a pop-up screen reminds him, "It's the weekend and it's important to disconnect and allow others to do the same. Please send your e-mail at the beginning of the workweek."
• Flextime: flexible and creative scheduling helps employees balance their work and home responsibilities.
• Give more personal time. HomeBanc Mortgage Corporation in Atlanta gives employees an extra 24 hours they call "being there" time. Employees use the time whenever they need a couple hours to take care of personal responsibilities without using vacation time.
• Offer regular stress reduction training to all
• If that’s not sufficient offer individual stress coaching
• Concierge services pamper your employees and decrease their errand-running stress. Employees pay for the services, such as dry-cleaning, but not for the concierge service itself.
• On-site childcare addresses many parents’ biggest stressor. You can offer it year-round, during the summer when school’s out or before and after school hours.
• Serenity rooms offer stressed-out employees a few minutes of solitude, particularly helpful for those who work in cubicles where there's absolutely no privacy.
• Massage therapy is one of the best ways to reduce stress. HomeBanc sends massage therapists to each office monthly to offer free neck and shoulder massages. ARUP Laboratories subsidizes on-site massage where employees pay $5 for a 15-minute massage.
• Provide snacks or meals during particularly stressful times of the year, for example during tax season for accounting firms.
• Wellness initiatives such as subsidizing health club membership, nutrition advice, health screenings for cholesterol and blood pressure, financial incentives to those who quit smoking, and work time to exercise or meditate
A cost/benefit analysis can tell you if ideas that seem appropriate for your workers could actually save you money when compared to the high cost of turnover and increased insurance rates.
So what are you waiting for? With stress mounting in our frenzied workplace costing you every step of the way, how can you reduce stress in your organization?
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
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