Stress for Success
May 22, 2007, Week 167
5/29/07
Happiness not permanent state
Who you are on the inside matters more than external pursuits
"Happiness is never as good as you imagine it will be, and it never lasts as long as you think it will", says William Cromie of the Harvard News Office. Whew! What a relief for those who think that if you’re not always happy something’s wrong!
That’s why Daniel Gilbert, Harvard University psychology professor, suggests we accept that happiness is not a permanent condition but rather a state that we move in and out of. "The fact that you're not always happy is not a problem," he says. "So don't look for a solution when there is no problem."
It seems we also need to accept that just as your body weight has a set point around which you fluctuate regardless of how much you eat (within reason), you also have a set point for happiness that’s part of your overall personality which remains quite stable over your lifetime. That's why something wonderful can happen to you and after you get used to it you return to the happiness level you had before the event occurred.
This theory comes from fascinating twins research. In 1996 University of Minnesota researchers Auke Tellegen and the late David Lykken compared the happiness scores of identical and fraternal twins who grew up together or were reared apart to determine the degree to which happiness is genetically determined. They found that about 80% was attributable to genetic differences.
This is good news for some and bad news for others.
It has also been found that people with higher set points of happiness share common personality traits. In a 1998 review of 148 studies, social psychologists Kristina DeNeve of Baylor University and psychologist Harris Cooper of the University of Missouri - Columbia, found that happier people were friendlier, more extroverted, trusting and conscientious. They also believe they have control over their lives therefore were less prone to anxiety and mood swings.
So if you believe your set point is too low what can you do? You need to accept that you, like everyone else, will float in and out of happiness and that’s OK. Don’t exaggerate the awfulness of it. All that does is make unhappiness worse. Also:
§ Figure out how you can maximize more of the listed traits above. If being more conscientious seems the best place to start, then do your work more meticulously. Be more reliable and hard-working. Where would you benefit from being more careful and thorough?
§ Accept that happiness doesn’t come from external things. Stop buying stuff in the false expectation that it’ll make you happier. Also, don’t pin your happiness hopes on trying to get your loved ones to be more perfect so you’ll look better, therefore be happier.
§ Identify areas of your life in which you can be more in control.
§ Pursue what gives you pleasure, passion and joy.
Life’s too short to spend your precious energy going after external things in pursuit of happiness. What’s important is who you are on the inside, not what you look like from the outside.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
More money doesn’t equal more happiness
May 22, 2007
Stress for Success
Can money buy happiness? Are wealth and happiness even connected?
If they are connected, according to data from the 2000 U.S. Census, psychologist David G. Myers, of Hope College in Holland, Michigan, should have found that Americans are three times happier than fifty years ago because our buying power has tripled since 1950.
But when Myers compared University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center surveys, which has surveyed Americans’ level of happiness in most years since 1957, he found greater affluence has not made us happier. The percentage of Americans who described themselves as "very happy" has remained surprisingly consistent, at about one third.
In fact, putting your energy into extrinsic attempts to find happiness will largely be disappointing. Anything external to yourself, like your job, home, car, or your appearance cannot make you happy for any length of time.
Interestingly, our hereditary past may explain why.
Traits that get passed on from one generation to the next are the ones that helped our ancestors survive so they could produce yet another generation. One such trait is called habituation, which means becoming accustomed to the status quo. This is hugely helpful when you’re faced with adverse conditions, such as a chronic disease or, in the case of many Floridians, living with increasing growth and congestion. After awhile, you adapt to the unpleasantness.
Habituation also applies to the positive events in our lives. No matter how wonderful the event at first, like winning a multi-million-dollar lottery, if it becomes a constant, you habituate to it.
Another trait we’ve inherited from our ancestors is to notice the negative more quickly than the positive since negative events may prove to be life-threatening. In other words, our human tendency is to take our positive experiences for granted and to focus more on the stressors of life. Bummer.
But Madison Avenue tries to convince you otherwise. It wants you to believe that if you’d just buy one more luxury you’d be happier.
Putting your happiness eggs in the buy-everything-you-want-basket, however, makes your contentment very vulnerable. Extrinsic happiness depends upon something outside of yourself; and that may not always be there. So, if your happiness is dependent upon your youthful appearance, for example, what happens as you age? Your happiness plummets, unless you find another way to enhance your appearance. Besides, you’ll habituate to each new surgery or expenditure so it no longer, in itself, makes you happy.
You’re much more likely to find true and lasting happiness if you express your positive traits, strengths and talents, such as kindness, service to others, gratitude, creativity, etc, in your work and in your personal life. All of these are considered intrinsic (natural to yourself) traits. Therefore, if what makes you happy is to help other people, any aging stress becomes irrelevant. Expressing your natural, internal traits and strengths is a constant in your life regardless of what happens outside yourself and is a much more reliable source of happiness.
So what else can truly increase your happiness? That’s our topic for next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
May 22, 2007
Stress for Success
Can money buy happiness? Are wealth and happiness even connected?
If they are connected, according to data from the 2000 U.S. Census, psychologist David G. Myers, of Hope College in Holland, Michigan, should have found that Americans are three times happier than fifty years ago because our buying power has tripled since 1950.
But when Myers compared University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center surveys, which has surveyed Americans’ level of happiness in most years since 1957, he found greater affluence has not made us happier. The percentage of Americans who described themselves as "very happy" has remained surprisingly consistent, at about one third.
In fact, putting your energy into extrinsic attempts to find happiness will largely be disappointing. Anything external to yourself, like your job, home, car, or your appearance cannot make you happy for any length of time.
Interestingly, our hereditary past may explain why.
Traits that get passed on from one generation to the next are the ones that helped our ancestors survive so they could produce yet another generation. One such trait is called habituation, which means becoming accustomed to the status quo. This is hugely helpful when you’re faced with adverse conditions, such as a chronic disease or, in the case of many Floridians, living with increasing growth and congestion. After awhile, you adapt to the unpleasantness.
Habituation also applies to the positive events in our lives. No matter how wonderful the event at first, like winning a multi-million-dollar lottery, if it becomes a constant, you habituate to it.
Another trait we’ve inherited from our ancestors is to notice the negative more quickly than the positive since negative events may prove to be life-threatening. In other words, our human tendency is to take our positive experiences for granted and to focus more on the stressors of life. Bummer.
But Madison Avenue tries to convince you otherwise. It wants you to believe that if you’d just buy one more luxury you’d be happier.
Putting your happiness eggs in the buy-everything-you-want-basket, however, makes your contentment very vulnerable. Extrinsic happiness depends upon something outside of yourself; and that may not always be there. So, if your happiness is dependent upon your youthful appearance, for example, what happens as you age? Your happiness plummets, unless you find another way to enhance your appearance. Besides, you’ll habituate to each new surgery or expenditure so it no longer, in itself, makes you happy.
You’re much more likely to find true and lasting happiness if you express your positive traits, strengths and talents, such as kindness, service to others, gratitude, creativity, etc, in your work and in your personal life. All of these are considered intrinsic (natural to yourself) traits. Therefore, if what makes you happy is to help other people, any aging stress becomes irrelevant. Expressing your natural, internal traits and strengths is a constant in your life regardless of what happens outside yourself and is a much more reliable source of happiness.
So what else can truly increase your happiness? That’s our topic for next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Do more of what gives you pleasure
Stress for Success
May 15, 2007
On your deathbed how will you finish off this incomplete statement, “Gee, I wish I would have done more …?”
I bet your answer wasn’t work or clean your house more. You probably said you wished you’d traveled more or spent more time with your family.
Here’s a related challenge. Take thirty seconds and count on your fingers the number of things you do regularly, whether daily, weekly, monthly or even annually, that gives you pleasure, passion and/or joy. Go ahead. Count them up.
Some of you quickly list several enjoyable things you do regularly while others are scratching their heads coming up with nothing.
Your answers to these are telling you what you’d better get started doing now!
They’re also related to what Positive Psychology (PP) is all about.
Unlike traditional psychology which focuses on mental illness, PP focuses on mental health, on human strengths rather than weaknesses. It teaches you to nurture happiness by identifying and using your strengths and positive traits in your work and in your daily life vs. trying to “fix” your weaknesses and limitations.
By living your life according to your "signature strengths" you create more happiness and meaning, which buffers you against life’s misfortunes and negative emotions, and makes your life more positive. Pursuing what gives you pleasure, passion and/or joy requires the use of some of your signature strengths.
Unrelated research out of the University of Arizona found that retired people’s two biggest regrets were not being assertive enough and not taking more risks. Think of these answers in relation to doing that which gives you joy. Doesn’t it suggest that you’d better get going now and not wait until it’s too late?
So what gives you joy or pleasure? Is there something you used to do, like a sport or a hobby that you stopped when you started a new job or a family? Could you get back into that? You wouldn’t have to commit vast amounts of time to it; just a little for now.
Over the next couple of weeks, notice what you see and do that brings a smile to your face and a lightness to your heart. What makes you laugh out loud? What motivates you to get out of that TV chair? Which activities challenge your skills and strengths? Do more of these things.
Once you identify activities that please you the challenge is to make time for them; you may need to literally schedule them. The more you do these things, while still honoring your regular commitments, the lighter your heart becomes. The joy these activities bring you becomes the motivation to keep doing them.
Some of you think you’re too busy to do more of what you want or may feel guilty when you do. Again I ask, on your deathbed what will you say you wished you’d done more of? Do it now. Create the habit of increasingly doing what gives you pleasure, passion and/or joy so when you’re actually on your deathbed you’ll have no regrets.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
May 15, 2007
On your deathbed how will you finish off this incomplete statement, “Gee, I wish I would have done more …?”
I bet your answer wasn’t work or clean your house more. You probably said you wished you’d traveled more or spent more time with your family.
Here’s a related challenge. Take thirty seconds and count on your fingers the number of things you do regularly, whether daily, weekly, monthly or even annually, that gives you pleasure, passion and/or joy. Go ahead. Count them up.
Some of you quickly list several enjoyable things you do regularly while others are scratching their heads coming up with nothing.
Your answers to these are telling you what you’d better get started doing now!
They’re also related to what Positive Psychology (PP) is all about.
Unlike traditional psychology which focuses on mental illness, PP focuses on mental health, on human strengths rather than weaknesses. It teaches you to nurture happiness by identifying and using your strengths and positive traits in your work and in your daily life vs. trying to “fix” your weaknesses and limitations.
By living your life according to your "signature strengths" you create more happiness and meaning, which buffers you against life’s misfortunes and negative emotions, and makes your life more positive. Pursuing what gives you pleasure, passion and/or joy requires the use of some of your signature strengths.
Unrelated research out of the University of Arizona found that retired people’s two biggest regrets were not being assertive enough and not taking more risks. Think of these answers in relation to doing that which gives you joy. Doesn’t it suggest that you’d better get going now and not wait until it’s too late?
So what gives you joy or pleasure? Is there something you used to do, like a sport or a hobby that you stopped when you started a new job or a family? Could you get back into that? You wouldn’t have to commit vast amounts of time to it; just a little for now.
Over the next couple of weeks, notice what you see and do that brings a smile to your face and a lightness to your heart. What makes you laugh out loud? What motivates you to get out of that TV chair? Which activities challenge your skills and strengths? Do more of these things.
Once you identify activities that please you the challenge is to make time for them; you may need to literally schedule them. The more you do these things, while still honoring your regular commitments, the lighter your heart becomes. The joy these activities bring you becomes the motivation to keep doing them.
Some of you think you’re too busy to do more of what you want or may feel guilty when you do. Again I ask, on your deathbed what will you say you wished you’d done more of? Do it now. Create the habit of increasingly doing what gives you pleasure, passion and/or joy so when you’re actually on your deathbed you’ll have no regrets.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Increase personal power by focusing on your options
May 8, 2007
Stress for Success
You’re in a painful relationship. You know it’s unhealthy and yet you see no way out. You feel trapped and powerless. You assume that nothing you do will make a difference so you change nothing. You suffer in silence or look for ways to get even for the perceived wrongs you suffer. Your stress mounts inhibiting your ability even more to see a way out.
This is a classic example of “learned helplessness,” the most stressed position of all. You assume you have no options. It’s a condition named by Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of PA.
Learned helplessness and low self-esteem go hand-in-hand. To inch toward greater personal power focus on what your options are in dealing with your challenging situation vs. on how miserable you are.
Generating options is a vital problem-solving step. Choices equal a perception of control. Just knowing what they are (you don’t even have to act on them) can lower your stress at least a little because you don’t feel so cornered.
The options you can see are determined by your perception of the situation. The more you obsess over the parts of your stressor that are beyond your control the fewer viable alternatives you’ll see. To be a creative problem-solver, open your mind to the fact that there are choices that you can’t see -- yet. Always keep your ears and eyes open. You never know from where your best solution will come.
To produce legitimate options you must first know what your desired outcome is in your stressful situation. State your goal in a way that’s within your control to reach.
§ E.g., to work toward a healthy relationship by first being honest with yourself about it
Preliminarily, what are your obvious options?
§ Seek therapy
§ Journal to uncover your “truth”
§ Talk with your partner about your troubled relationship
To expose additional choices you can’t see yet, try these:
§ Regularly journal about your stressor, especially when you’re upset about it. Repetitive journaling helps you to see your stressor differently. This eventually triggers new ideas of how to handle it. These ideas may pop into your head through the journaling itself or while dreaming or even showering. Be open to them. Don’t reject them. Explore them even more through additional journaling.
§ Journal questions and answers about your stressor. Question-asking is the most important skill in problem solving. Questions lead to more questions, which eventually lead to answers, then to solutions.
§ Have someone you trust pepper you with questions about your stressor. Any question that triggers your defensiveness, emotionalism and/or rigidity points to deeper truths.
Accept that your historic interpretations of a stressor can inhibit you from seeing workable solutions. What have you got to lose? When you’re unsuccessful in resolving your stressor stretch your perception muscles by challenging how you look at your situation. Perceptual expansion through journaling and question asking will, over time, trigger better and healthier options for handling your stressor. This not only lowers your stress, it also increases your self-esteem.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
May 8, 2007
Stress for Success
You’re in a painful relationship. You know it’s unhealthy and yet you see no way out. You feel trapped and powerless. You assume that nothing you do will make a difference so you change nothing. You suffer in silence or look for ways to get even for the perceived wrongs you suffer. Your stress mounts inhibiting your ability even more to see a way out.
This is a classic example of “learned helplessness,” the most stressed position of all. You assume you have no options. It’s a condition named by Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of PA.
Learned helplessness and low self-esteem go hand-in-hand. To inch toward greater personal power focus on what your options are in dealing with your challenging situation vs. on how miserable you are.
Generating options is a vital problem-solving step. Choices equal a perception of control. Just knowing what they are (you don’t even have to act on them) can lower your stress at least a little because you don’t feel so cornered.
The options you can see are determined by your perception of the situation. The more you obsess over the parts of your stressor that are beyond your control the fewer viable alternatives you’ll see. To be a creative problem-solver, open your mind to the fact that there are choices that you can’t see -- yet. Always keep your ears and eyes open. You never know from where your best solution will come.
To produce legitimate options you must first know what your desired outcome is in your stressful situation. State your goal in a way that’s within your control to reach.
§ E.g., to work toward a healthy relationship by first being honest with yourself about it
Preliminarily, what are your obvious options?
§ Seek therapy
§ Journal to uncover your “truth”
§ Talk with your partner about your troubled relationship
To expose additional choices you can’t see yet, try these:
§ Regularly journal about your stressor, especially when you’re upset about it. Repetitive journaling helps you to see your stressor differently. This eventually triggers new ideas of how to handle it. These ideas may pop into your head through the journaling itself or while dreaming or even showering. Be open to them. Don’t reject them. Explore them even more through additional journaling.
§ Journal questions and answers about your stressor. Question-asking is the most important skill in problem solving. Questions lead to more questions, which eventually lead to answers, then to solutions.
§ Have someone you trust pepper you with questions about your stressor. Any question that triggers your defensiveness, emotionalism and/or rigidity points to deeper truths.
Accept that your historic interpretations of a stressor can inhibit you from seeing workable solutions. What have you got to lose? When you’re unsuccessful in resolving your stressor stretch your perception muscles by challenging how you look at your situation. Perceptual expansion through journaling and question asking will, over time, trigger better and healthier options for handling your stressor. This not only lowers your stress, it also increases your self-esteem.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Problem-solve what you can control is important to health
Stress for Success
May 1, 2007
Stress management boils down to problem-solving; something’s stressing you so solve it, even if the only solution is to tolerate it. This is my Mind Management Truism - general rules that apply to all stress - #5: problem-solve on what’s within your control. (To read about the others click on “Jackie’s blog” at my web site.)
Before jumping into problem-solving, however, first figure out what regarding your stressor what’s within and what’s beyond your control (MMT #2). For example, your boss has delegated entirely too much work for the allotted time.
§ Beyond your control: her expectations, decisions, personality
§ Within your control: identifying your options, your reactions including emotional ones
Regarding the elements beyond your control is there something within your control that you can do about them? Your boss’s expectations are beyond your control but you could educate her on your responsibilities that make it impossible to get everything done within her timeframe.
Next, problem-solve on what’s within your control.
If it’s a small problem you’ll likely solve it automatically by routinely scanning for options. In the above example your options include:
§ Scramble to get everything done
§ Grumble to coworkers
§ Ask your boss to prioritize your work so if something doesn’t get done it’ll be something less important
§ Educate her on your workload, etc.
You then choose the best option to lower your stress.
If you’re not solving your problem quickly, go through the more structured problem-solving steps.
The first and most important step is to ask questions about your challenge. If you ask no questions your stressor tosses you around like clothes in a dryer; round and round. Ask no questions and you’ll find no answers.
In fact, Stanford University’s Rochelle Myers and Michael Ray (authors of Creativity in Business) say that the quality of your solutions is determined by the quality of your questions. If you haven’t solved a stressor it’s because you haven’t asked good enough questions.
Questions lead you. They lead to more questions, which lead to answers and eventually to solutions. They dig underneath symptoms to get closer to the underlying cause; the real problem.
Sometimes you don’t want to know an answer because it would demand that you do something uncomfortable. But your subconscious mind is fully aware of what you’re avoiding so you’re really dodging nothing. You’re in denial and your stressor is still bothering you. E.g., Denial allows you to conveniently think you’re sick because others are spreading a cold when actually you’re sick because the hidden stress is depressing your immune system.
Ask the questions about your stressor anyway. You don’t have to act on your answers immediately. Being consciously aware of them prepares you to act when you’re ready.
To get a great solution you’ve got to ask great questions. The only dumb question is the one you don’t ask. Ask the journalists’ questions about your stressors: who, what, when, where, why and how. Explore your answers, which may generate more questions, and eventually expose your solution.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
May 1, 2007
Stress management boils down to problem-solving; something’s stressing you so solve it, even if the only solution is to tolerate it. This is my Mind Management Truism - general rules that apply to all stress - #5: problem-solve on what’s within your control. (To read about the others click on “Jackie’s blog” at my web site.)
Before jumping into problem-solving, however, first figure out what regarding your stressor what’s within and what’s beyond your control (MMT #2). For example, your boss has delegated entirely too much work for the allotted time.
§ Beyond your control: her expectations, decisions, personality
§ Within your control: identifying your options, your reactions including emotional ones
Regarding the elements beyond your control is there something within your control that you can do about them? Your boss’s expectations are beyond your control but you could educate her on your responsibilities that make it impossible to get everything done within her timeframe.
Next, problem-solve on what’s within your control.
If it’s a small problem you’ll likely solve it automatically by routinely scanning for options. In the above example your options include:
§ Scramble to get everything done
§ Grumble to coworkers
§ Ask your boss to prioritize your work so if something doesn’t get done it’ll be something less important
§ Educate her on your workload, etc.
You then choose the best option to lower your stress.
If you’re not solving your problem quickly, go through the more structured problem-solving steps.
The first and most important step is to ask questions about your challenge. If you ask no questions your stressor tosses you around like clothes in a dryer; round and round. Ask no questions and you’ll find no answers.
In fact, Stanford University’s Rochelle Myers and Michael Ray (authors of Creativity in Business) say that the quality of your solutions is determined by the quality of your questions. If you haven’t solved a stressor it’s because you haven’t asked good enough questions.
Questions lead you. They lead to more questions, which lead to answers and eventually to solutions. They dig underneath symptoms to get closer to the underlying cause; the real problem.
Sometimes you don’t want to know an answer because it would demand that you do something uncomfortable. But your subconscious mind is fully aware of what you’re avoiding so you’re really dodging nothing. You’re in denial and your stressor is still bothering you. E.g., Denial allows you to conveniently think you’re sick because others are spreading a cold when actually you’re sick because the hidden stress is depressing your immune system.
Ask the questions about your stressor anyway. You don’t have to act on your answers immediately. Being consciously aware of them prepares you to act when you’re ready.
To get a great solution you’ve got to ask great questions. The only dumb question is the one you don’t ask. Ask the journalists’ questions about your stressors: who, what, when, where, why and how. Explore your answers, which may generate more questions, and eventually expose your solution.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Cope with what’s beyond your control to limit your stress
Stress for Success
April 24, 2007
To be a great stress manager you must also be a great mind manager. That’s why I’ve come up with Mind Management Truisms, general rules that apply to all stress. These rules should help you avoid getting lost in your stressed-out mind rethinking over and over again the same habitual thoughts.
The Mind Management Truisms I’ve covered in recent weeks include (go to my web site and click on Jackie’s Blog to read these articles):
§ #1: Stress is in the mind of the beholder. How you behold situations is communicated to you through your self-talk. Listen to your thoughts to increase awareness of your interpretations of stress.
§ #2: It’s (virtually) all about control. The definition of stress is that you think (behold) that you don’t have as much control in stressful situations as you want. The trick to this truism is to consciously acknowledge in each stressor where you actually have control (everything about yourself, your own reactions and choices) and where you don’t (pretty much everything else).
§ #3: The more you fuss and stew about what's beyond your control the more stressed you become and the more stress energy you create. It’s normal to fuss a bit but the more you do the longer it takes to get to problem-solving.
Today we’ll look at Mind Management Truism # 4: Cope with (accept, don’t obsess about) what's beyond your control.
Let’s say your stressor is handling angry customers. Here’s your list of anything that pops into your mind about them:
1. They don’t understand our policies
2. They’re rude
3. I’m tired of it; I don’t get paid enough to put up with them
4. I feel attacked so I get defensive
5. I get headaches by noon!
6. I guess I could learn new skills in calming down angry people
7. Deep breathing is supposed to help
Everything about other people is beyond your control in the sense that you can’t make others change. It’s within your control, however, to change your own approach with them in hopes of bringing about a different outcome. So numbers 1 and 2 are beyond your control.
Number one is not completely beyond your control, though, because you could do something to educate your customers about your policies. But to fuss and stew about their rudeness would be to go against Mind Management Truism #3.
Mind Management Truism #4 tells you that to put your energy into trying to:
§ make others change
§ hope that they will
§ fuss and stew because they don’t
is wasted energy. All of these strategies increase your stress.
You’re going against this truism when you frequently complain to your co-workers about how aggravated you get with angry customers. Instead, each time you start complaining affirm repeatedly to yourself, “I’m giving great customer service to all. I’m a professional.” Or ask, “What are my options in dealing with these customers?”
Your only real options will be in the areas that are within your control, the Mind Management Truism covered next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
April 24, 2007
To be a great stress manager you must also be a great mind manager. That’s why I’ve come up with Mind Management Truisms, general rules that apply to all stress. These rules should help you avoid getting lost in your stressed-out mind rethinking over and over again the same habitual thoughts.
The Mind Management Truisms I’ve covered in recent weeks include (go to my web site and click on Jackie’s Blog to read these articles):
§ #1: Stress is in the mind of the beholder. How you behold situations is communicated to you through your self-talk. Listen to your thoughts to increase awareness of your interpretations of stress.
§ #2: It’s (virtually) all about control. The definition of stress is that you think (behold) that you don’t have as much control in stressful situations as you want. The trick to this truism is to consciously acknowledge in each stressor where you actually have control (everything about yourself, your own reactions and choices) and where you don’t (pretty much everything else).
§ #3: The more you fuss and stew about what's beyond your control the more stressed you become and the more stress energy you create. It’s normal to fuss a bit but the more you do the longer it takes to get to problem-solving.
Today we’ll look at Mind Management Truism # 4: Cope with (accept, don’t obsess about) what's beyond your control.
Let’s say your stressor is handling angry customers. Here’s your list of anything that pops into your mind about them:
1. They don’t understand our policies
2. They’re rude
3. I’m tired of it; I don’t get paid enough to put up with them
4. I feel attacked so I get defensive
5. I get headaches by noon!
6. I guess I could learn new skills in calming down angry people
7. Deep breathing is supposed to help
Everything about other people is beyond your control in the sense that you can’t make others change. It’s within your control, however, to change your own approach with them in hopes of bringing about a different outcome. So numbers 1 and 2 are beyond your control.
Number one is not completely beyond your control, though, because you could do something to educate your customers about your policies. But to fuss and stew about their rudeness would be to go against Mind Management Truism #3.
Mind Management Truism #4 tells you that to put your energy into trying to:
§ make others change
§ hope that they will
§ fuss and stew because they don’t
is wasted energy. All of these strategies increase your stress.
You’re going against this truism when you frequently complain to your co-workers about how aggravated you get with angry customers. Instead, each time you start complaining affirm repeatedly to yourself, “I’m giving great customer service to all. I’m a professional.” Or ask, “What are my options in dealing with these customers?”
Your only real options will be in the areas that are within your control, the Mind Management Truism covered next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Take a step back, evaluate stressorsStress for Success
Stress for Success
April 17, 2007
Living by Mind Management Truisms, general rules that apply to all stress, helps you deal more effectively with life’s challenges. Keep these in mind when determining where to put your energy when something’s stressing you.
Stress is in the mind of the beholder is Mind Management Truism #1. For example, if you obsess about screaming kids in a restaurant “Those kids are driving me nuts! Why don’t parents leave unruly kids at home”, etc., you’re stressed.
It boils down to what you say to yourself. Wherever your thoughts are going that’s where you are going. Your stressful interpretation makes you stressed. Perhaps your dinner partner doesn’t even notice the kids so her interpretation doesn’t stress her. Neither of you is right or wrong. To reduce your stress, however, your thoughts must sooner rather than later lead toward problem-solving.
Mind Management Truism #2 is about your perception of control. Control equals options so it’s vital that you put your mental energy into identifying them. You usually have more choices than you think you do. If you think you don’t have any you won’t look for them. The trick is to look for options in areas where you actually have control and cope with the areas in which you have no control.
Mind Management Truism #3 is the one we’ll consider today: the more you fuss and stew about what's beyond your control the more stressed you become and the more stress energy you create. It’s normal to fuss about something for a while but how long is enough?
If you perceive something as stressful it means you see it as a threat. Stressful thoughts are by definition angry and/or fearful and are automatically triggered whenever you feel threatened. This is normal. How long you stay in these stressful thoughts determines not only how stressed you are but also which options you can or can’t see to solve the problem.
Some of you virtually never fuss but instead automatically jump into solving your stressor. Great! It may not be 100% good in situations that trigger your strong emotional reactions, however. Jumping too quickly into problem solving allows you to hold difficult emotions at arms length; you intellectualize much of life.
But repressed emotions ultimately control you more than those that you appropriately express. Denying them inhibits your ability to deal with them.
Fussing and stewing too much over stressors, delaying effective problem solving, create complications for multiple reasons:
§ The more stressed you are the more your life blinders (we all wear them) narrow so you see less and less, which also means you see fewer problem solving options.
§ When you think stressful (angry/fearful) thoughts you keep your Stress Cycle going round and round so nothing changes. You’re like a hamster stuck on a wheel; you perpetuate the very problem you supposedly want to resolve.
§ Stressful (angry/fearful) thinking releases more cortisol into your body making you more vulnerable to illness and disease.
So vent quickly about what stresses you then apply advice from a workshop participant’s grandmother, “Stop stewin’ and start doin’.”
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
April 17, 2007
Living by Mind Management Truisms, general rules that apply to all stress, helps you deal more effectively with life’s challenges. Keep these in mind when determining where to put your energy when something’s stressing you.
Stress is in the mind of the beholder is Mind Management Truism #1. For example, if you obsess about screaming kids in a restaurant “Those kids are driving me nuts! Why don’t parents leave unruly kids at home”, etc., you’re stressed.
It boils down to what you say to yourself. Wherever your thoughts are going that’s where you are going. Your stressful interpretation makes you stressed. Perhaps your dinner partner doesn’t even notice the kids so her interpretation doesn’t stress her. Neither of you is right or wrong. To reduce your stress, however, your thoughts must sooner rather than later lead toward problem-solving.
Mind Management Truism #2 is about your perception of control. Control equals options so it’s vital that you put your mental energy into identifying them. You usually have more choices than you think you do. If you think you don’t have any you won’t look for them. The trick is to look for options in areas where you actually have control and cope with the areas in which you have no control.
Mind Management Truism #3 is the one we’ll consider today: the more you fuss and stew about what's beyond your control the more stressed you become and the more stress energy you create. It’s normal to fuss about something for a while but how long is enough?
If you perceive something as stressful it means you see it as a threat. Stressful thoughts are by definition angry and/or fearful and are automatically triggered whenever you feel threatened. This is normal. How long you stay in these stressful thoughts determines not only how stressed you are but also which options you can or can’t see to solve the problem.
Some of you virtually never fuss but instead automatically jump into solving your stressor. Great! It may not be 100% good in situations that trigger your strong emotional reactions, however. Jumping too quickly into problem solving allows you to hold difficult emotions at arms length; you intellectualize much of life.
But repressed emotions ultimately control you more than those that you appropriately express. Denying them inhibits your ability to deal with them.
Fussing and stewing too much over stressors, delaying effective problem solving, create complications for multiple reasons:
§ The more stressed you are the more your life blinders (we all wear them) narrow so you see less and less, which also means you see fewer problem solving options.
§ When you think stressful (angry/fearful) thoughts you keep your Stress Cycle going round and round so nothing changes. You’re like a hamster stuck on a wheel; you perpetuate the very problem you supposedly want to resolve.
§ Stressful (angry/fearful) thinking releases more cortisol into your body making you more vulnerable to illness and disease.
So vent quickly about what stresses you then apply advice from a workshop participant’s grandmother, “Stop stewin’ and start doin’.”
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Quit stewing, identify your options
Problem-solving best cure for stress
Stress for Success
April 10, 2007
Perception of control isn’t everything in stress, but it’s almost everything.
For example, early researchers assumed top executives had the most organizational stress because they had the most responsibility. However, they found that the lowly secretary had the most because she had lots of responsibilities but little control. Top executives had the least because they had the most control.
Having an internal locus of control means you know that you have options. You see that your own efforts and skills determine your outcomes so you’re more empowered and less stressed and depressed.
If you think you have no control, no options, then you don’t because you won’t look for any. This is an external locus of control. You feel at the mercy of outside forces such as luck or fate, leaving you feeling powerless therefore more anxious and depressed.
Developing an internal locus of control, understanding that you can influence life circumstances, goes a long way in helping you look for therefore find stress reducing options. That’s why wilderness experiences like Outward Bound can profoundly impact people with external locus of control beliefs because they learn that through skill development they can develop competence and power in their experiences.
In addition to having a sense of control you also need to understand that you only have control over yourself; your choices, actions and emotions. You have no control over other people, the weather, etc. So you can change your behavior with a difficult person in hopes of bringing about a better outcome but you can’t make that person change.
Wisely using an internal locus of control means putting your energy where you actually have control; changing yourself vs. thinking the other person should change.
Since locus of control is learned, you can develop more of an internal one:
§ Develop awareness of the impact your behavior has on your outcomes. For example, if you study hard for an exam and do well, give yourself credit. If you don’t study and do poorly then acknowledge your contribution.
§ Quickly move from fussing and stewing over life’s problems to identifying your options to solve them. Teach yourself and your kids to think in problem solving ways when stressed by asking, “What are my options?” If you’re not good at this, get help from others until you improve.
ΓΌ To identify possible options answer my ubiquitous magic questions, “What in this situation do I want/need more of and less of?”
§ Select the best options to accomplish your goal in the situation. With a difficult co-worker, for example, if your goal is for him to change, restate it in a way that’s within your control, “to ignore him more.”
§ Replace self-talk like, “I can’t” with “What can I do?”; “”If only” with “What if?”
If you have an external locus of control, when you’re stressed replace your fussing and stewing with, “What are my options?” repeated over and over until you steer your thinking toward problem-solving. Over time it becomes a habit that does wonders in empowering you and lowering your stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Problem-solving best cure for stress
Stress for Success
April 10, 2007
Perception of control isn’t everything in stress, but it’s almost everything.
For example, early researchers assumed top executives had the most organizational stress because they had the most responsibility. However, they found that the lowly secretary had the most because she had lots of responsibilities but little control. Top executives had the least because they had the most control.
Having an internal locus of control means you know that you have options. You see that your own efforts and skills determine your outcomes so you’re more empowered and less stressed and depressed.
If you think you have no control, no options, then you don’t because you won’t look for any. This is an external locus of control. You feel at the mercy of outside forces such as luck or fate, leaving you feeling powerless therefore more anxious and depressed.
Developing an internal locus of control, understanding that you can influence life circumstances, goes a long way in helping you look for therefore find stress reducing options. That’s why wilderness experiences like Outward Bound can profoundly impact people with external locus of control beliefs because they learn that through skill development they can develop competence and power in their experiences.
In addition to having a sense of control you also need to understand that you only have control over yourself; your choices, actions and emotions. You have no control over other people, the weather, etc. So you can change your behavior with a difficult person in hopes of bringing about a better outcome but you can’t make that person change.
Wisely using an internal locus of control means putting your energy where you actually have control; changing yourself vs. thinking the other person should change.
Since locus of control is learned, you can develop more of an internal one:
§ Develop awareness of the impact your behavior has on your outcomes. For example, if you study hard for an exam and do well, give yourself credit. If you don’t study and do poorly then acknowledge your contribution.
§ Quickly move from fussing and stewing over life’s problems to identifying your options to solve them. Teach yourself and your kids to think in problem solving ways when stressed by asking, “What are my options?” If you’re not good at this, get help from others until you improve.
ΓΌ To identify possible options answer my ubiquitous magic questions, “What in this situation do I want/need more of and less of?”
§ Select the best options to accomplish your goal in the situation. With a difficult co-worker, for example, if your goal is for him to change, restate it in a way that’s within your control, “to ignore him more.”
§ Replace self-talk like, “I can’t” with “What can I do?”; “”If only” with “What if?”
If you have an external locus of control, when you’re stressed replace your fussing and stewing with, “What are my options?” repeated over and over until you steer your thinking toward problem-solving. Over time it becomes a habit that does wonders in empowering you and lowering your stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Locus of control determines your stress
Stress for Success
April 3, 2007
If you were passed over for a promotion at work would it be because you blew the job interview or because your boss has it in for you and would never give it to you? Your answer to this type of question indicates whether you have an internal “locus of control” or an external one.
If you believe what happens to you in life is largely determined by fate, luck or other external conditions (the boss is the reason you didn’t get the job) you’re an external. If you think you’re in charge of your own destiny (had I prepared better I might have gotten the promotion) you’re an internal.
Externals think the outcomes in life are largely beyond their control. They stay in undesirable situations longer because they don’t think they have any options, leaving them feeling powerless to change their situation. They see outside forces as the reason that good and bad things happen to them. They haven’t made the connection between their own behavior and their outcomes in life so they feel more at the mercy of outside forces.
This powerlessness leads to more stressful reactions to life’s situations causing greater susceptibility to depression and other health problems. Research is definitive that stress releases more cortisol into your body, causing everything from sleep problems to diabetes to cardio-vascular disease.
Internals believe that they largely control what happens to them; that their skills and efforts determine whether or not they get the promotion. They feel like they have choices in life therefore are more likely to have high self-esteem. They feel happier, freer, more satisfied with life in general and are less stressed. They have better health due to less chronic stress.
So it’s obvious that an internal locus of control is much better for managing stress.
The perception of not having the control you want in a situation is mostly what stress is all about. The less control you think you have the more stressed you’ll be. Powerlessness also leads to a lack of persistence and lower expectations of life.
The key to stress management is problem-solving, which requires you to look for options. If you believe outside forces control your options then you’re likely to wait for something external to solve your problem for you.
Internals see themselves as responsible for solving their own stressors and quickly do so. They take charge and don’t wait for someone else to do it for them.
Both internals and externals learned their beliefs from their families, culture and past experiences. Most internals come from families that focused on effort, education and responsibility. Most externals come from families of a lower socioeconomic status where there was a lack of control over their lives or their family experienced significant hardship like serious illness.
If you’d like to determine if you’re an external or internal, go to the Internet and type in “Locus of Control test” and choose which to take. Next week we’ll look at how to develop more of an internal locus of control to lower your stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
April 3, 2007
If you were passed over for a promotion at work would it be because you blew the job interview or because your boss has it in for you and would never give it to you? Your answer to this type of question indicates whether you have an internal “locus of control” or an external one.
If you believe what happens to you in life is largely determined by fate, luck or other external conditions (the boss is the reason you didn’t get the job) you’re an external. If you think you’re in charge of your own destiny (had I prepared better I might have gotten the promotion) you’re an internal.
Externals think the outcomes in life are largely beyond their control. They stay in undesirable situations longer because they don’t think they have any options, leaving them feeling powerless to change their situation. They see outside forces as the reason that good and bad things happen to them. They haven’t made the connection between their own behavior and their outcomes in life so they feel more at the mercy of outside forces.
This powerlessness leads to more stressful reactions to life’s situations causing greater susceptibility to depression and other health problems. Research is definitive that stress releases more cortisol into your body, causing everything from sleep problems to diabetes to cardio-vascular disease.
Internals believe that they largely control what happens to them; that their skills and efforts determine whether or not they get the promotion. They feel like they have choices in life therefore are more likely to have high self-esteem. They feel happier, freer, more satisfied with life in general and are less stressed. They have better health due to less chronic stress.
So it’s obvious that an internal locus of control is much better for managing stress.
The perception of not having the control you want in a situation is mostly what stress is all about. The less control you think you have the more stressed you’ll be. Powerlessness also leads to a lack of persistence and lower expectations of life.
The key to stress management is problem-solving, which requires you to look for options. If you believe outside forces control your options then you’re likely to wait for something external to solve your problem for you.
Internals see themselves as responsible for solving their own stressors and quickly do so. They take charge and don’t wait for someone else to do it for them.
Both internals and externals learned their beliefs from their families, culture and past experiences. Most internals come from families that focused on effort, education and responsibility. Most externals come from families of a lower socioeconomic status where there was a lack of control over their lives or their family experienced significant hardship like serious illness.
If you’d like to determine if you’re an external or internal, go to the Internet and type in “Locus of Control test” and choose which to take. Next week we’ll look at how to develop more of an internal locus of control to lower your stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Learn to follow Mind Management Truisms to reduce your stress
Stress for Success
March 27, 2007
Tom and Mary are stuck in traffic that’s creeping along painfully slowly making them both late for their respective meetings. Are they equally stressed? If you think the traffic is “causing” their stress then your answer should be “yes, they’re equally stressed.”
Tom thinks to himself, “Oh, great! I should have left 30 minutes earlier like I’d planned. I’d better call and let them know I’ll be late.”
Mary is pounding on her steering wheel screaming to everyone, “Get out of my way, you ignorant moron! You’re making me late!”
Whether or not you’re stressed by something is determined by your perception of it. Your perception is communicated to you through your thoughts. Wherever your thoughts are going that’s where you are going, my Mind Management Truism #1. Given what Mary said to herself she’s obviously going toward more stress than Tom.
Become more consciously aware of what you think and say about any given stressor to understand better the degree to which and why you’re stressed. Thinking thoughts that lead you away from problem-solving, not just at first but on and on is causing more stress than the event itself. It’s one thing to initially blow a gasket over traffic, it’s quite another to continue thinking gasket-blowing thoughts.
Eldridge Cleaver said in the 1960s, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” The same goes for your thinking. If your thoughts aren’t problem-solving in nature, they’re problem-perpetuating. If you continue to think stressful thoughts how can you reduce your stress?
Also ask yourself what your goal is in the situation. Are your thoughts leading you toward or away from it? If the goal of both drivers is to remain calm for their meetings, they must think thoughts that lead toward this goal. Tom’s thoughts meet this stress reducing criteria. Mary’s are moving her toward being frazzled.
Mind Management Truism #2 states that your perception of stress is largely about your perception of control – or lack of. Having a sense of personal control in any situation lowers your stress. In this situation both drivers have no control over the traffic. Tom reminded himself that he should have left early as he’d planned. He sees this predicament as largely of his own making. He has an “internal locus of control”, meaning that he believes he has control to influence events; if not this time then the next.
Mary blames other drivers for her stress, exhibiting an “external locus of control”, she thinks she lacks control over what happens to her. Feeling powerless keeps her from seeing how she could avoid such situations in the future. Until she takes responsibility (internal locus of control) to avoid traffic jams like leaving early, she’ll continue to feel like she has no options (external locus of control).
These are two of my Mind Management Truisms that can help lower your stress. Next week we’ll look more of the hugely important issue of locus of control followed in future weeks with more Mind Management Truisms.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 27, 2007
Tom and Mary are stuck in traffic that’s creeping along painfully slowly making them both late for their respective meetings. Are they equally stressed? If you think the traffic is “causing” their stress then your answer should be “yes, they’re equally stressed.”
Tom thinks to himself, “Oh, great! I should have left 30 minutes earlier like I’d planned. I’d better call and let them know I’ll be late.”
Mary is pounding on her steering wheel screaming to everyone, “Get out of my way, you ignorant moron! You’re making me late!”
Whether or not you’re stressed by something is determined by your perception of it. Your perception is communicated to you through your thoughts. Wherever your thoughts are going that’s where you are going, my Mind Management Truism #1. Given what Mary said to herself she’s obviously going toward more stress than Tom.
Become more consciously aware of what you think and say about any given stressor to understand better the degree to which and why you’re stressed. Thinking thoughts that lead you away from problem-solving, not just at first but on and on is causing more stress than the event itself. It’s one thing to initially blow a gasket over traffic, it’s quite another to continue thinking gasket-blowing thoughts.
Eldridge Cleaver said in the 1960s, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” The same goes for your thinking. If your thoughts aren’t problem-solving in nature, they’re problem-perpetuating. If you continue to think stressful thoughts how can you reduce your stress?
Also ask yourself what your goal is in the situation. Are your thoughts leading you toward or away from it? If the goal of both drivers is to remain calm for their meetings, they must think thoughts that lead toward this goal. Tom’s thoughts meet this stress reducing criteria. Mary’s are moving her toward being frazzled.
Mind Management Truism #2 states that your perception of stress is largely about your perception of control – or lack of. Having a sense of personal control in any situation lowers your stress. In this situation both drivers have no control over the traffic. Tom reminded himself that he should have left early as he’d planned. He sees this predicament as largely of his own making. He has an “internal locus of control”, meaning that he believes he has control to influence events; if not this time then the next.
Mary blames other drivers for her stress, exhibiting an “external locus of control”, she thinks she lacks control over what happens to her. Feeling powerless keeps her from seeing how she could avoid such situations in the future. Until she takes responsibility (internal locus of control) to avoid traffic jams like leaving early, she’ll continue to feel like she has no options (external locus of control).
These are two of my Mind Management Truisms that can help lower your stress. Next week we’ll look more of the hugely important issue of locus of control followed in future weeks with more Mind Management Truisms.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Exercise for a better mental state
It helps curb depression, obsessive thinking
Stress for Success
March 20, 2007
The hot head’s face turns red; that vein in his temple throbs; he's about to blow. If he’s older he might blow himself right into a heart attack! For his heart and overall physical health and the health of his relationships, he’d be wise to exercise out his angry energy.
The same goes for those who suffer from depression or anxiety. There’s not much that’s healthier for you than exercise. But if getting out of bed feels overwhelming, exercising can seem impossible. The degree of mood improvement with regular exercise, though, is so significant that many believe it’s more effective than counseling and anti-depressants.
Small amounts of exercise are better than none and can prevent a relapse after treatment for these conditions. Kristin Vickers-Douglas, Ph.D., Mayo Clinic psychologist, says, “Small bouts of exercise may be a great way to a get started if it’s initially too difficult to do more.” If ten minutes is all you’ll do, then do ten minutes.
It’s not completely understood why exercise decreases mood disorder symptoms. It’s probably due to cortisol reduction and increased endorphins and body temperature, which may have calming effects.
Plus, exercise is a great substitute for the obsessive thinking that drives all of these difficult emotions. Where ever your thoughts are going that’s where you are going; anxious thoughts create anxiety. By exercising you burning up your fight/flight energy in a positive way, distracting you from obsessive thinking about how miserable you are.
To get motivated to start exercising:
§ First, talk with your physician and/or mental health professional for advice and support.
§ Next, figure out what you enjoy doing. If you hate “exercise” participate in a sport that you enjoy. You’ll be more likely to continue with it.
§ Set realistic goals. Create a long-term goal with shorter-term intermediate steps. If your ultimate goal is to walk daily for 30 minutes, start with 5 -10 minutes every day for the first month, the next month walk for 15 to 20 minutes, and so on. Avoid unreasonable goals that you fail to achieve. This makes you feel worse about yourself, aggravating your symptoms.
§ Accept that if you “fall off the wagon”, most of us do, you just have to start again.
§ Stop thinking that you “should” exercise; that’s a weight you don’t need. Instead, convince yourself of the benefits.
§ Isolation is common among those who are depressed and anxious, worsening symptoms, so exercise with others. Social contact decreases your symptoms and helps you meet your exercise goal.
Take the advice of Dr. Mary Ann Chapman, “The key to breaking a bad habit (doing nothing) and adopting a good one (exercising) is making changes in your daily life that minimize the influence of the now and remind you of the later.” In other words:
§ Minimize the immediate reward of doing nothing (relief from not having to exercise)
§ Make the long-term negative consequences of not exercising (continued depression/anxiety/anger) seem more immediate
So instead of excuse after excuse to avoid exercise, remind yourself how tired you are of being emotionally stuck and exhausted.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
It helps curb depression, obsessive thinking
Stress for Success
March 20, 2007
The hot head’s face turns red; that vein in his temple throbs; he's about to blow. If he’s older he might blow himself right into a heart attack! For his heart and overall physical health and the health of his relationships, he’d be wise to exercise out his angry energy.
The same goes for those who suffer from depression or anxiety. There’s not much that’s healthier for you than exercise. But if getting out of bed feels overwhelming, exercising can seem impossible. The degree of mood improvement with regular exercise, though, is so significant that many believe it’s more effective than counseling and anti-depressants.
Small amounts of exercise are better than none and can prevent a relapse after treatment for these conditions. Kristin Vickers-Douglas, Ph.D., Mayo Clinic psychologist, says, “Small bouts of exercise may be a great way to a get started if it’s initially too difficult to do more.” If ten minutes is all you’ll do, then do ten minutes.
It’s not completely understood why exercise decreases mood disorder symptoms. It’s probably due to cortisol reduction and increased endorphins and body temperature, which may have calming effects.
Plus, exercise is a great substitute for the obsessive thinking that drives all of these difficult emotions. Where ever your thoughts are going that’s where you are going; anxious thoughts create anxiety. By exercising you burning up your fight/flight energy in a positive way, distracting you from obsessive thinking about how miserable you are.
To get motivated to start exercising:
§ First, talk with your physician and/or mental health professional for advice and support.
§ Next, figure out what you enjoy doing. If you hate “exercise” participate in a sport that you enjoy. You’ll be more likely to continue with it.
§ Set realistic goals. Create a long-term goal with shorter-term intermediate steps. If your ultimate goal is to walk daily for 30 minutes, start with 5 -10 minutes every day for the first month, the next month walk for 15 to 20 minutes, and so on. Avoid unreasonable goals that you fail to achieve. This makes you feel worse about yourself, aggravating your symptoms.
§ Accept that if you “fall off the wagon”, most of us do, you just have to start again.
§ Stop thinking that you “should” exercise; that’s a weight you don’t need. Instead, convince yourself of the benefits.
§ Isolation is common among those who are depressed and anxious, worsening symptoms, so exercise with others. Social contact decreases your symptoms and helps you meet your exercise goal.
Take the advice of Dr. Mary Ann Chapman, “The key to breaking a bad habit (doing nothing) and adopting a good one (exercising) is making changes in your daily life that minimize the influence of the now and remind you of the later.” In other words:
§ Minimize the immediate reward of doing nothing (relief from not having to exercise)
§ Make the long-term negative consequences of not exercising (continued depression/anxiety/anger) seem more immediate
So instead of excuse after excuse to avoid exercise, remind yourself how tired you are of being emotionally stuck and exhausted.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
“Inactivity should be considered a disease state”
Stress for Success
March 13, 2007
Anyone who’s unaware of the benefits of regular physical exercise on mental and physical health has been living under a rock for decades. If you know the importance of it and still don’t exercise, then you’re probably living in denial. As someone once said, "Inactivity should be considered a disease state."
Research has shown over and again that exercise diminishes the ravages of stress on your body, decreasing a variety of diseases and increasing longevity. Exercise that prevents disease and builds muscles also helps you manage your stress better. It’s one of the two most powerful health enhancing practices; the other is deep relaxation.
It drives me nuts when people complain about being overweight, having aches and pains, not to mention illness and disease yet don't find the wherewithal to do what they need to do to protect their health! Remaining sedentary is another way of saying you choose to put your health at risk.
There are countless reasons why exercise is essential:
§ It channels the fight/flight energy you generate daily, thereby keeping cortisol and other stress hormones from wearing you down physically. THIS IS A MAJOR REASON TO EXERCISE!
§ Activities like hiking, biking, swimming, etc. increase your brain’s production of those feel-good endorphins you've heard about. Endorphins are thought to provide some pain relief and to promote a sense of euphoria. (Don’t get addicted to it, though.)
§ Stretching and yoga diminish muscle tension giving you more energy, calming you and helping you think more clearly. Muscles contract during your fight/flight response. Exercising releases your muscles’ stored energy allowing them to return to a balanced – and less stressed – state so you’ll have fewer tension headaches, arthritis and back pain.
§ Physical fitness increases your self-control, which increases your self-confidence in other areas of your life and minimizes symptoms of mild depression and anxiety. Anything that increases healthy self-control will diminish stress.
§ You’ll sleep better, too, (presuming you don’t exercise to exhaustion) so you’ll perform at higher levels.
§ Exercise also strengthens your body’s physical systems so you’re in better shape to fight any future illness and disease you may contract.
You don't have to start running marathons to benefit from exercise. According to the Mayo Clinic virtually any form can decrease the production of stress hormones and channel your fight/flight energy in healthy ways.
You can start small. If you know that you don’t get enough exercise, get more. If you now get winded from walking two blocks, walk two blocks until you don't get winded then increase to three, then four, etc.
Which exercise most appeals to you? Walking? Sports? (Please don’t say channel-surfing.) It makes no difference as long as it's regular and safe for you, your abilities and age.
Lastly, make your goal of getting more fit through exercise a step in achieving a larger life goal, such as living to see your grandchildren born! When you see how exercise can help you reach a bigger goal it gives it more meaning and therefore you’re more likely to follow through. Make it happen!
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 13, 2007
Anyone who’s unaware of the benefits of regular physical exercise on mental and physical health has been living under a rock for decades. If you know the importance of it and still don’t exercise, then you’re probably living in denial. As someone once said, "Inactivity should be considered a disease state."
Research has shown over and again that exercise diminishes the ravages of stress on your body, decreasing a variety of diseases and increasing longevity. Exercise that prevents disease and builds muscles also helps you manage your stress better. It’s one of the two most powerful health enhancing practices; the other is deep relaxation.
It drives me nuts when people complain about being overweight, having aches and pains, not to mention illness and disease yet don't find the wherewithal to do what they need to do to protect their health! Remaining sedentary is another way of saying you choose to put your health at risk.
There are countless reasons why exercise is essential:
§ It channels the fight/flight energy you generate daily, thereby keeping cortisol and other stress hormones from wearing you down physically. THIS IS A MAJOR REASON TO EXERCISE!
§ Activities like hiking, biking, swimming, etc. increase your brain’s production of those feel-good endorphins you've heard about. Endorphins are thought to provide some pain relief and to promote a sense of euphoria. (Don’t get addicted to it, though.)
§ Stretching and yoga diminish muscle tension giving you more energy, calming you and helping you think more clearly. Muscles contract during your fight/flight response. Exercising releases your muscles’ stored energy allowing them to return to a balanced – and less stressed – state so you’ll have fewer tension headaches, arthritis and back pain.
§ Physical fitness increases your self-control, which increases your self-confidence in other areas of your life and minimizes symptoms of mild depression and anxiety. Anything that increases healthy self-control will diminish stress.
§ You’ll sleep better, too, (presuming you don’t exercise to exhaustion) so you’ll perform at higher levels.
§ Exercise also strengthens your body’s physical systems so you’re in better shape to fight any future illness and disease you may contract.
You don't have to start running marathons to benefit from exercise. According to the Mayo Clinic virtually any form can decrease the production of stress hormones and channel your fight/flight energy in healthy ways.
You can start small. If you know that you don’t get enough exercise, get more. If you now get winded from walking two blocks, walk two blocks until you don't get winded then increase to three, then four, etc.
Which exercise most appeals to you? Walking? Sports? (Please don’t say channel-surfing.) It makes no difference as long as it's regular and safe for you, your abilities and age.
Lastly, make your goal of getting more fit through exercise a step in achieving a larger life goal, such as living to see your grandchildren born! When you see how exercise can help you reach a bigger goal it gives it more meaning and therefore you’re more likely to follow through. Make it happen!
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Laugh your way to a healthy life
Stress for Success
March 6, 2007
There are certain skills that are the best at reducing stress, such as problem solving, deep relaxation, exercise, etc. Included in this list is looking at life with a sense of humor. It’s one of the best coping skills.
When both of my parents were ill at the end of their lives we relied on humor to soften the blow of the incredible stress of having both of them failing at the same time.
One of many examples I still fondly remember was my father in ICU for the first time. He couldn’t talk because he was on a ventilator but was trying so hard to communicate something to my mother and me. With no teeth in his mouth and a tube down his throat we had absolutely no idea what he was trying to say. The communication aides the nurses gave us didn’t work. For 30 minutes we guessed at what he was trying to say. After each guess he’d shake his head in frustration. Finally, my mother said to my father, “Are you asking why you can’t talk?” With great relief he nodded elatedly. We all burst out laughing uncontrollably. We climbed this mountain together and our reward, as it was all our lives, was a good laugh.
Life can be such a challenge and humor can help you deal better with almost any situation. It helps reduce stress because:
• Physically and mentally laughter’s the opposite of stress. It lowers blood pressure, increases blood circulation, reduces muscle tension and pain, and boosts your immune system.
• Humor facilitates mental flexibility and increases creativity by blocking negative emotions allowing you to think through problems instead of emotionally muddling through them.
• Laughing at yourself increases your objectivity about yourself, decreasing your defensiveness.
• Team building is facilitated by shared humor. (Not the divisive type like sarcasm or humor aimed at belittling anyone or any group will, of course.)
• “The shortest distance between two people is humor”, said the famed comedic pianist, Victor Borge. Humor improves most communication, especially when it’s potentially confrontational.
• It’s just fun.
Researchers are studying whether or not humor is good for your health. Michael Miller, University of Maryland School of Medicine, is one. Knowing that blood vessels constrict when you’re stressed making you more vulnerable to circulation problems, he wondered if laughter could loosen them. His study showed that blood flow decreased about 35% after experiencing stress but increased 22% after laughter, an improvement equal to about a 15-minute workout. Wouldn’t you love your physician to prescribe 15 minutes of laughter every day?
Other research has shown that stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline cause circulation changes. It stands to reason that laughter may cause the release of pleasure producing endorphins that may counteract stress hormones and increase blood flow.
Lee Berk, associate professor of health promotion and education who studies laugher at Loma Linda University in CA said, “Laughter is not dissimilar to exercise. It’s not going to cure stage three cancer but in terms of prevention it does make sense.”
Whether or not laughter and humor prove to reduce stress to the point of having a positive health effect, it just makes sense to put more humor into your life because it makes life more enjoyable. There’s so much stuff out there that’s funny … if you’d just look for it.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
March 6, 2007
There are certain skills that are the best at reducing stress, such as problem solving, deep relaxation, exercise, etc. Included in this list is looking at life with a sense of humor. It’s one of the best coping skills.
When both of my parents were ill at the end of their lives we relied on humor to soften the blow of the incredible stress of having both of them failing at the same time.
One of many examples I still fondly remember was my father in ICU for the first time. He couldn’t talk because he was on a ventilator but was trying so hard to communicate something to my mother and me. With no teeth in his mouth and a tube down his throat we had absolutely no idea what he was trying to say. The communication aides the nurses gave us didn’t work. For 30 minutes we guessed at what he was trying to say. After each guess he’d shake his head in frustration. Finally, my mother said to my father, “Are you asking why you can’t talk?” With great relief he nodded elatedly. We all burst out laughing uncontrollably. We climbed this mountain together and our reward, as it was all our lives, was a good laugh.
Life can be such a challenge and humor can help you deal better with almost any situation. It helps reduce stress because:
• Physically and mentally laughter’s the opposite of stress. It lowers blood pressure, increases blood circulation, reduces muscle tension and pain, and boosts your immune system.
• Humor facilitates mental flexibility and increases creativity by blocking negative emotions allowing you to think through problems instead of emotionally muddling through them.
• Laughing at yourself increases your objectivity about yourself, decreasing your defensiveness.
• Team building is facilitated by shared humor. (Not the divisive type like sarcasm or humor aimed at belittling anyone or any group will, of course.)
• “The shortest distance between two people is humor”, said the famed comedic pianist, Victor Borge. Humor improves most communication, especially when it’s potentially confrontational.
• It’s just fun.
Researchers are studying whether or not humor is good for your health. Michael Miller, University of Maryland School of Medicine, is one. Knowing that blood vessels constrict when you’re stressed making you more vulnerable to circulation problems, he wondered if laughter could loosen them. His study showed that blood flow decreased about 35% after experiencing stress but increased 22% after laughter, an improvement equal to about a 15-minute workout. Wouldn’t you love your physician to prescribe 15 minutes of laughter every day?
Other research has shown that stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline cause circulation changes. It stands to reason that laughter may cause the release of pleasure producing endorphins that may counteract stress hormones and increase blood flow.
Lee Berk, associate professor of health promotion and education who studies laugher at Loma Linda University in CA said, “Laughter is not dissimilar to exercise. It’s not going to cure stage three cancer but in terms of prevention it does make sense.”
Whether or not laughter and humor prove to reduce stress to the point of having a positive health effect, it just makes sense to put more humor into your life because it makes life more enjoyable. There’s so much stuff out there that’s funny … if you’d just look for it.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Professional Coach in Lee County. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Diseases affect blacks more
Emotional problems seem less common
Stress for Success
February 27, 2007
African-American have the highest incidence of diabetes, cardio-vascular heart disease, hypertension and stroke when compared to all other racial/ethnic groups in America.
From 1992 to 2000, 29% more blacks under the age of 60 died from heart disease and stroke than whites, according to the National Medical Association and Pfizer, Inc. (joint study, Pfizer Facts: Racial Differences in Cardiovascular Health.)
National Institute of Health (NIH) research “… links this excess prevalence and severity of hypertension among African-Americans to chronic and disproportionately intense societal stress, especially among low income inner-city residents."
Heart disease is largely a preventable condition. Research has long shown that stress reduction approaches including lifestyle changes not only prevent heart disease and hypertension, they may even reverse some damage.
For instance, NIH funded randomized clinical trials found stress reducing meditation was 2 1/2 times more effective in reducing systolic and diastolic blood pressure than typical relaxation. This is a significantly healthier way to reduce blood pressure since it has no adverse reactions and costs nothing compared to standard pharmacological treatment, (R. H. Schneider et al, Hypertension 26,1995 and 28,1996).
Given the fact that over 50% of Medicare recipients suffer from heart disease or hypertension, with a price tag of over $100 billion annually, deep relaxation is a hugely cost-effective option for everyone, black people included.
Interestingly, from the research I’ve done it seems that African-Americans’ discrimination stress manifests itself more through physical illness then emotional problems.
A study from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, the world's largest academic survey and research organization, surveyed more than 6,000 African-American, Afro-Caribbean and non-Hispanic white adults and found noticeably different patterns of prevalence of major mental and physical disorders.
The survey evaluated physical health, experiences of discrimination and racial prejudice, including police harassment. The survey, funded by NIH, was conducted between February 2001 and March 2003 and found:
§ Lower rates of major depression for African-Americans (10.6%) than Afro-Caribbeans (11.3%) or white Americans (18.3%)
§ Blacks with significantly lower rates of panic disorder (2.7%) than whites 4.2%)
§ Generalized anxiety disorder for blacks (4.5%) vs. whites (7.9%)
§ Social phobia for blacks (7.5%) vs. whites (12.6%)
It's fortunate that as African-Americans you’re less likely to suffer from emotional symptoms of stress. It’ll be even better when you increase your awareness of the physical consequences of stress, regardless of the cause.
Since stopping others from discriminating is largely beyond a person’s control, it's in your best interest to take control of your health by making lifestyle changes that everyone needs and that have proved to protect you from the physical ravages of stress; improve your daily habits of exercise and nutrition and begin a regular program of deep relaxation.
The health protections these strategies offer are only part of the pay off. The more important benefit is derived from the practicing of these healthy habits and experiencing the subsequent positive results: you gain a greater sense of control, which will always lower your over-all stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Emotional problems seem less common
Stress for Success
February 27, 2007
African-American have the highest incidence of diabetes, cardio-vascular heart disease, hypertension and stroke when compared to all other racial/ethnic groups in America.
From 1992 to 2000, 29% more blacks under the age of 60 died from heart disease and stroke than whites, according to the National Medical Association and Pfizer, Inc. (joint study, Pfizer Facts: Racial Differences in Cardiovascular Health.)
National Institute of Health (NIH) research “… links this excess prevalence and severity of hypertension among African-Americans to chronic and disproportionately intense societal stress, especially among low income inner-city residents."
Heart disease is largely a preventable condition. Research has long shown that stress reduction approaches including lifestyle changes not only prevent heart disease and hypertension, they may even reverse some damage.
For instance, NIH funded randomized clinical trials found stress reducing meditation was 2 1/2 times more effective in reducing systolic and diastolic blood pressure than typical relaxation. This is a significantly healthier way to reduce blood pressure since it has no adverse reactions and costs nothing compared to standard pharmacological treatment, (R. H. Schneider et al, Hypertension 26,1995 and 28,1996).
Given the fact that over 50% of Medicare recipients suffer from heart disease or hypertension, with a price tag of over $100 billion annually, deep relaxation is a hugely cost-effective option for everyone, black people included.
Interestingly, from the research I’ve done it seems that African-Americans’ discrimination stress manifests itself more through physical illness then emotional problems.
A study from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, the world's largest academic survey and research organization, surveyed more than 6,000 African-American, Afro-Caribbean and non-Hispanic white adults and found noticeably different patterns of prevalence of major mental and physical disorders.
The survey evaluated physical health, experiences of discrimination and racial prejudice, including police harassment. The survey, funded by NIH, was conducted between February 2001 and March 2003 and found:
§ Lower rates of major depression for African-Americans (10.6%) than Afro-Caribbeans (11.3%) or white Americans (18.3%)
§ Blacks with significantly lower rates of panic disorder (2.7%) than whites 4.2%)
§ Generalized anxiety disorder for blacks (4.5%) vs. whites (7.9%)
§ Social phobia for blacks (7.5%) vs. whites (12.6%)
It's fortunate that as African-Americans you’re less likely to suffer from emotional symptoms of stress. It’ll be even better when you increase your awareness of the physical consequences of stress, regardless of the cause.
Since stopping others from discriminating is largely beyond a person’s control, it's in your best interest to take control of your health by making lifestyle changes that everyone needs and that have proved to protect you from the physical ravages of stress; improve your daily habits of exercise and nutrition and begin a regular program of deep relaxation.
The health protections these strategies offer are only part of the pay off. The more important benefit is derived from the practicing of these healthy habits and experiencing the subsequent positive results: you gain a greater sense of control, which will always lower your over-all stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
African Americans pay a physical price for discrimination stress
Stress for Success
February 20, 2006
Imagine yourself frequently:
Ϋ° being followed by store employees who suspect you of stealing
Ϋ° hailing cabs that don’t stop for you but pick up someone nearby
Ϋ° being excluded at work
Ϋ° having whites not looking you in the eyes, as is the case for too many young black males
If these things happened infrequently they’d be minor irritations. But what if you experienced these and other assaults daily? Would it eventually take a toll on you emotionally and physically?
If frequent enough, they’d certainly qualify in my book as chronic stress, which I've written about many times over the years as damaging to your health.
February is Black History Month and I encourage you to consider the daily psychological affronts that many if not most African Americans encounter especially in their public lives of working and shopping. I know that if I were the target I’d explode with rage.
I speak from experience. For 2½ years in the early ‘70s I was on the receiving end of daily harassment on the streets of Colombia where I was a Peace Corps volunteer. Daily on the streets literal throngs of men "harassed" me, (although from a Colombian’s perspective it was expected social behavior) through blown kisses, butt pinches and flirtatious words whispered so closely I could feel the man’s breath on my neck.
I found this “flirting” dehumanizing and degrading. (In their defense however, one Colombian man said he’d never get a date if he didn't act this way. He advised me to quit taking it personally, which I largely learned to do.) To keep my sanity, though, I ignored most of these encounters only occasionally fighting back in ways that allowed me to have some fun (don’t ask).
A life-time of these insults, however, takes a much greater toll on African-Americans than did my brief experiences and partly explains why, when compared to all other racial/ethnic groups in America, blacks have the highest incidence of:
§ Diabetes
§ Cardio-vascular heart disease
§ Hypertension and stroke
“This is not to say that every African American has poor health,” said researcher Vickie Mays, UCLA professor of psychology and health services. “However, African Americans – as a group – have not been able to gain as much ground (in health improvement) as other ethnic groups.”
When faced with high levels of stress some African-Americans may experience an “allostatic load", the cumulative wear and tear of stress on the body. When the stress to the cardiovascular system is prolonged and excessive to the point of allostasis, the immune system is suppressed, blood pressure increases and, over time, atherosclerosis can develop, resulting in coronary vascular disease. Chronic stress response is also associated with other diseases and obesity. (For more information go to www.MinorityHealthDisparities.org.)
How stressed would you be if daily you were the target of similar insults? Do you avoid eye contact with young African-American males or exclude black co-workers? If so, once aware, maybe you’ll start having more eye contact, including your black colleagues more often and even stop assuming that the color of skin determines a person’s honesty. It’s a start.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
February 20, 2006
Imagine yourself frequently:
Ϋ° being followed by store employees who suspect you of stealing
Ϋ° hailing cabs that don’t stop for you but pick up someone nearby
Ϋ° being excluded at work
Ϋ° having whites not looking you in the eyes, as is the case for too many young black males
If these things happened infrequently they’d be minor irritations. But what if you experienced these and other assaults daily? Would it eventually take a toll on you emotionally and physically?
If frequent enough, they’d certainly qualify in my book as chronic stress, which I've written about many times over the years as damaging to your health.
February is Black History Month and I encourage you to consider the daily psychological affronts that many if not most African Americans encounter especially in their public lives of working and shopping. I know that if I were the target I’d explode with rage.
I speak from experience. For 2½ years in the early ‘70s I was on the receiving end of daily harassment on the streets of Colombia where I was a Peace Corps volunteer. Daily on the streets literal throngs of men "harassed" me, (although from a Colombian’s perspective it was expected social behavior) through blown kisses, butt pinches and flirtatious words whispered so closely I could feel the man’s breath on my neck.
I found this “flirting” dehumanizing and degrading. (In their defense however, one Colombian man said he’d never get a date if he didn't act this way. He advised me to quit taking it personally, which I largely learned to do.) To keep my sanity, though, I ignored most of these encounters only occasionally fighting back in ways that allowed me to have some fun (don’t ask).
A life-time of these insults, however, takes a much greater toll on African-Americans than did my brief experiences and partly explains why, when compared to all other racial/ethnic groups in America, blacks have the highest incidence of:
§ Diabetes
§ Cardio-vascular heart disease
§ Hypertension and stroke
“This is not to say that every African American has poor health,” said researcher Vickie Mays, UCLA professor of psychology and health services. “However, African Americans – as a group – have not been able to gain as much ground (in health improvement) as other ethnic groups.”
When faced with high levels of stress some African-Americans may experience an “allostatic load", the cumulative wear and tear of stress on the body. When the stress to the cardiovascular system is prolonged and excessive to the point of allostasis, the immune system is suppressed, blood pressure increases and, over time, atherosclerosis can develop, resulting in coronary vascular disease. Chronic stress response is also associated with other diseases and obesity. (For more information go to www.MinorityHealthDisparities.org.)
How stressed would you be if daily you were the target of similar insults? Do you avoid eye contact with young African-American males or exclude black co-workers? If so, once aware, maybe you’ll start having more eye contact, including your black colleagues more often and even stop assuming that the color of skin determines a person’s honesty. It’s a start.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Employers should help workers attain life balance
Stress for Success
February 13, 2006
Today's work pace is drastically different from decades past. The historic 9-to-5-job that was mostly left behind at the end of the day has been replaced by a near-constant state of electronic-on-call, blurring the boundary between work and home for many. New technology from blackberries to the ubiquitous cell phone is largely to blame, keeping you from “turning off” until you flop into bed at night.
Additionally, many employees begrudgingly work longer hours and with both parents typically working there’s no one at home to keep everything running smoothly. It’s no wonder, then, that the March 2005 Families and Work Institute reported:
§ 44% of US employees felt overworked often or very often (only 29% rarely or never)
§ 27% felt overwhelmed by their workload
They found chronically overworked employees have an adverse effect on business outcomes by making mistakes and resenting their employers (with all its passive-aggressive payback behaviors like absenteeism). 39% with high levels of overwork reported anger at management versus only 1% of those with low levels. The overworked also have greater resentment toward coworkers for not working harder.
They also found:
§ A key contributor to feeling overwhelmed is high levels of multitasking
§ More than one-third of all workers don’t expect to take their entire vacation time
§ Employees who are provided with opportunities to learn, are supported on the job, and given flexibility to manage their work/life balance are less likely to feel overworked regardless of the hours or responsibility
It’s in an employer’s best interests to facilitate work/life balance whether through stress reduction and fitness programs or concierge services. It would also make their workplace much more appealing making recruitment and retention easier.
Poll your employees to identify their most common roadblocks to balance, then brainstorm viable strategies with them. For instance, if multi-tasking does rank high, what can be done to reduce it? Or can you at least provide brief, regular brakes to reduce the stress of it? If attending to family responsibilities ranks high, cross-train workers so someone can be covered when taking time off.
There will certainly be resistance, especially from “bottom line” people in your organization, to providing new life balance benefits, some based on misconceptions like:
§ Employees’ personal lives shouldn’t affect work
§ Hours at work equal results
§ Management will lose control
§ Benefits don’t make employees more productive
§ Family-friendly policies are mainly for women
§ Participation will be a career-limiting move
§ It's only for non-managerial positions
§ One approach is good for everyone
Find out why someone resists and satisfy their resistance. Clarify the goals, costs, benefits and challenges of new programs. Suggest a trial period vs. full implementation. Monitor, resurvey, and make necessary adjustments as the trial period moves forward.
In the meantime, if your employer isn’t likely to facilitate greater balance for you take responsibility for yourself:
§ Figure out how to multi-task less
§ Take all of your earned vacation time
§ Request flexibility from your boss rather than wait for her to act
A balanced worker is a more productive one, and one who’s more likely to stick around.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
February 13, 2006
Today's work pace is drastically different from decades past. The historic 9-to-5-job that was mostly left behind at the end of the day has been replaced by a near-constant state of electronic-on-call, blurring the boundary between work and home for many. New technology from blackberries to the ubiquitous cell phone is largely to blame, keeping you from “turning off” until you flop into bed at night.
Additionally, many employees begrudgingly work longer hours and with both parents typically working there’s no one at home to keep everything running smoothly. It’s no wonder, then, that the March 2005 Families and Work Institute reported:
§ 44% of US employees felt overworked often or very often (only 29% rarely or never)
§ 27% felt overwhelmed by their workload
They found chronically overworked employees have an adverse effect on business outcomes by making mistakes and resenting their employers (with all its passive-aggressive payback behaviors like absenteeism). 39% with high levels of overwork reported anger at management versus only 1% of those with low levels. The overworked also have greater resentment toward coworkers for not working harder.
They also found:
§ A key contributor to feeling overwhelmed is high levels of multitasking
§ More than one-third of all workers don’t expect to take their entire vacation time
§ Employees who are provided with opportunities to learn, are supported on the job, and given flexibility to manage their work/life balance are less likely to feel overworked regardless of the hours or responsibility
It’s in an employer’s best interests to facilitate work/life balance whether through stress reduction and fitness programs or concierge services. It would also make their workplace much more appealing making recruitment and retention easier.
Poll your employees to identify their most common roadblocks to balance, then brainstorm viable strategies with them. For instance, if multi-tasking does rank high, what can be done to reduce it? Or can you at least provide brief, regular brakes to reduce the stress of it? If attending to family responsibilities ranks high, cross-train workers so someone can be covered when taking time off.
There will certainly be resistance, especially from “bottom line” people in your organization, to providing new life balance benefits, some based on misconceptions like:
§ Employees’ personal lives shouldn’t affect work
§ Hours at work equal results
§ Management will lose control
§ Benefits don’t make employees more productive
§ Family-friendly policies are mainly for women
§ Participation will be a career-limiting move
§ It's only for non-managerial positions
§ One approach is good for everyone
Find out why someone resists and satisfy their resistance. Clarify the goals, costs, benefits and challenges of new programs. Suggest a trial period vs. full implementation. Monitor, resurvey, and make necessary adjustments as the trial period moves forward.
In the meantime, if your employer isn’t likely to facilitate greater balance for you take responsibility for yourself:
§ Figure out how to multi-task less
§ Take all of your earned vacation time
§ Request flexibility from your boss rather than wait for her to act
A balanced worker is a more productive one, and one who’s more likely to stick around.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Is your Wheel of Life in balance?
Stress for Success
February 6, 2007
Certain stress reduction strategies are universally healthy for virtually everybody. One of them is having life balance. This can mean different things, such as balance:
• between work and home
• in personality traits, for example, an overly independent person would be wise to acknowledge the opposite trait, vulnerability, vs. push it away when it’s triggered • activity with rest to reduce the damage stress does to you physically and emotionally
To assess your overall life balance use the best Wheel of Life activity I've ever found by Ben Dean of MentorCoach that will identify areas of your life that are out of balance.
Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. Divide the circle into eight equal pie segments. Use the following categories to label each of the eight sections (or substitute other labels that represent your life more accurately):
• Career (or retirement)
• Financial security
• Health
• Social life
• Significant other/romance
• Spirituality
• Leisure time
• Physical environment
Regard the center of your wheel as a 0 and the outer edge a 10 to measure your satisfaction.
• 0 = no satisfaction
• 10 = complete satisfaction
For each section rate your level of satisfaction with it then draw a line representing your 0 to 10 score to create a new outer edge for that section. The new perimeter of the entire circle represents your Wheel of Life. How bumpy is your ride with your new perimeter?
Those sections you rated low in satisfaction are the areas to work on. For instance, if you rated six sections an “8” or higher and the remaining two, let's say, career and recreation significantly lower, to improve your life balance you need to engage more often in recreation that’s pleasing to you and to adjust your work life more to your liking.
Make a goal to increase your satisfaction with one section you’re presently discontented with by 2 – 3 points over the next three months. Then, regarding that section, what would you like more of and less of? For instance, with the work section, perhaps you’d want more:
• Uninterrupted time to focus
• Positive feedback on your work
Maybe you’d want less:
• Negativity
• Overtime
Next, figure out how to get more and less of what you say you want, making sure that it’s largely within your control to get. Expecting a boss, for instance, to give you more feedback is beyond your control. However, it’s within your control to ask her directly for the feedback you want.
In our rat-race society it may seem impossible to achieve balance. That’s why small steps are fine. For example, to improve your recreation score you could begin by turning off the TV one night a week and engaging in whatever recreational activity appeals to you.
Re-draw your Wheel of Life annually and make the necessary changes it implies. Eventually you’ll be in much greater balance.
Next week we’ll look at what your employer could do to help you move toward a healthier balance.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
February 6, 2007
Certain stress reduction strategies are universally healthy for virtually everybody. One of them is having life balance. This can mean different things, such as balance:
• between work and home
• in personality traits, for example, an overly independent person would be wise to acknowledge the opposite trait, vulnerability, vs. push it away when it’s triggered • activity with rest to reduce the damage stress does to you physically and emotionally
To assess your overall life balance use the best Wheel of Life activity I've ever found by Ben Dean of MentorCoach that will identify areas of your life that are out of balance.
Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. Divide the circle into eight equal pie segments. Use the following categories to label each of the eight sections (or substitute other labels that represent your life more accurately):
• Career (or retirement)
• Financial security
• Health
• Social life
• Significant other/romance
• Spirituality
• Leisure time
• Physical environment
Regard the center of your wheel as a 0 and the outer edge a 10 to measure your satisfaction.
• 0 = no satisfaction
• 10 = complete satisfaction
For each section rate your level of satisfaction with it then draw a line representing your 0 to 10 score to create a new outer edge for that section. The new perimeter of the entire circle represents your Wheel of Life. How bumpy is your ride with your new perimeter?
Those sections you rated low in satisfaction are the areas to work on. For instance, if you rated six sections an “8” or higher and the remaining two, let's say, career and recreation significantly lower, to improve your life balance you need to engage more often in recreation that’s pleasing to you and to adjust your work life more to your liking.
Make a goal to increase your satisfaction with one section you’re presently discontented with by 2 – 3 points over the next three months. Then, regarding that section, what would you like more of and less of? For instance, with the work section, perhaps you’d want more:
• Uninterrupted time to focus
• Positive feedback on your work
Maybe you’d want less:
• Negativity
• Overtime
Next, figure out how to get more and less of what you say you want, making sure that it’s largely within your control to get. Expecting a boss, for instance, to give you more feedback is beyond your control. However, it’s within your control to ask her directly for the feedback you want.
In our rat-race society it may seem impossible to achieve balance. That’s why small steps are fine. For example, to improve your recreation score you could begin by turning off the TV one night a week and engaging in whatever recreational activity appeals to you.
Re-draw your Wheel of Life annually and make the necessary changes it implies. Eventually you’ll be in much greater balance.
Next week we’ll look at what your employer could do to help you move toward a healthier balance.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Spirituality matters health-wise
There are many reasons why it’s good to develop
Stress for Success
1/30/07
What strengthens your spirituality? Meditation? Religious services? Kayaking the beautiful Southwest Florida waterways? Volunteering? For me, I expanded my spirituality in recent years through singing in the SW FL Symphony Chorus and volunteering as a Cuddler at Lee Memorial.
There’s no "one size fits all" religious or spiritual practice; they all give your life more meaning and connect you to something bigger than yourself. And, they all give you significant stress reduction benefits.
Over the centuries we’ve largely lost touch with historic ties to spirituality that permeated earlier societies. That’s why Western medicine has only recently focused on the connection between spirituality and health.
Dr. Harold G. Koenig of the Duke University Medical Center has found that religion and spirituality have a profound effect on health. He says, "In all the world's major religions the virtues of forgiveness, gratefulness, kindness, and love are all encouraged and doing these kinds of things likely improves one's health." Dr. Koenig has found that spirituality gives people a sense of direction, connectedness, support, optimism and self-worth that helps them cope with their stress.
We know from much unrelated research that stress negatively affects your immune system leaving you more vulnerable to illness and disease. Spirituality gives you a sense of peace leading to improved immune function.
Developing greater spirituality is good for you for additional reasons:
• It helps you define what’s most important to you; what gives you meaning in life. This leads to better decision-making about where and how to invest your time and energy. You’ll focus more on what’s important to you and less on what’s not.
• When you’re connected to something that’s bigger than yourself it’s much harder to become depressed since depression is a very self-focused state. Feeling connected you’ll also feel less alone in the world, which brings you a sense of peace.
• Most spiritual practices involve other people allowing you to develop more meaningful relationships, also good for stress reduction.
• Interpreting life’s events in a spiritual way can make them easier to cope with.
To become more spiritual, start with an internal journey. Try prayer or meditation techniques. Keep a journal to express your thoughts and feelings to track this internal journey. You may want to travel this path with a trusted friend who’s also open to learning new things.
If your choice is to explore organized religion consider learning more about a variety of different faiths. One will almost certainly speak to you more personally than the others indicating which one to pursue.
If you choose to explore spirituality in a secular way, read about the world's different philosophies and about the history of world religions to better understand their philosophical underpinnings. Again you’ll be most drawn to that which touches you the most significantly. Also, explore the arts to see what tugs on your heart.
No matter your spiritual or religious quest, it’s the quest that matters. Exploring and finding what you’re looking for is a reward in itself, not to mention the benefits they bestow upon your well being.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
There are many reasons why it’s good to develop
Stress for Success
1/30/07
What strengthens your spirituality? Meditation? Religious services? Kayaking the beautiful Southwest Florida waterways? Volunteering? For me, I expanded my spirituality in recent years through singing in the SW FL Symphony Chorus and volunteering as a Cuddler at Lee Memorial.
There’s no "one size fits all" religious or spiritual practice; they all give your life more meaning and connect you to something bigger than yourself. And, they all give you significant stress reduction benefits.
Over the centuries we’ve largely lost touch with historic ties to spirituality that permeated earlier societies. That’s why Western medicine has only recently focused on the connection between spirituality and health.
Dr. Harold G. Koenig of the Duke University Medical Center has found that religion and spirituality have a profound effect on health. He says, "In all the world's major religions the virtues of forgiveness, gratefulness, kindness, and love are all encouraged and doing these kinds of things likely improves one's health." Dr. Koenig has found that spirituality gives people a sense of direction, connectedness, support, optimism and self-worth that helps them cope with their stress.
We know from much unrelated research that stress negatively affects your immune system leaving you more vulnerable to illness and disease. Spirituality gives you a sense of peace leading to improved immune function.
Developing greater spirituality is good for you for additional reasons:
• It helps you define what’s most important to you; what gives you meaning in life. This leads to better decision-making about where and how to invest your time and energy. You’ll focus more on what’s important to you and less on what’s not.
• When you’re connected to something that’s bigger than yourself it’s much harder to become depressed since depression is a very self-focused state. Feeling connected you’ll also feel less alone in the world, which brings you a sense of peace.
• Most spiritual practices involve other people allowing you to develop more meaningful relationships, also good for stress reduction.
• Interpreting life’s events in a spiritual way can make them easier to cope with.
To become more spiritual, start with an internal journey. Try prayer or meditation techniques. Keep a journal to express your thoughts and feelings to track this internal journey. You may want to travel this path with a trusted friend who’s also open to learning new things.
If your choice is to explore organized religion consider learning more about a variety of different faiths. One will almost certainly speak to you more personally than the others indicating which one to pursue.
If you choose to explore spirituality in a secular way, read about the world's different philosophies and about the history of world religions to better understand their philosophical underpinnings. Again you’ll be most drawn to that which touches you the most significantly. Also, explore the arts to see what tugs on your heart.
No matter your spiritual or religious quest, it’s the quest that matters. Exploring and finding what you’re looking for is a reward in itself, not to mention the benefits they bestow upon your well being.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
‘Island’ life suffocates your well-being
If dissatisfied socially, try these suggestions
January 23, 2007
Stress for Success
Al, a retired schoolteacher and widower has led a lonely existence since his wife of 35 years died. He stopped going to church, their previous circle of friends withdrew, and he has no close family. He eats alone, watches a lot of TV to pass time and talks mostly to the mail carrier and an occasional neighbor.
“No man is an island, …” said English poet John Donne. Al is alone on his island and puts himself at risk for illness and depression. As difficult as it may be to start a new life, it’s in his best interests to do so since studies show healthy relationships reduce stress translating into improved health and life satisfaction.
Not just widowers but anyone who is dissatisfied with their social circle would be wise to reach out to a variety of people who’d offer you one or more of the following:
• a great time laughing and enjoying life
• support and the gift of attention
• challenge how you see the world (if you surround yourself with yes-people you’ll never grow)
• desired advice
There are tons of places to meet new people. Leave your island and go do the things you’re interested in and love to do such as take classes, go to museums or sporting events, join a club or a professional organization, volunteer, travel, accept invitations and just start talking to people normally wouldn’t.
Then, to create healthier relationships with new friends and existing ones, try these ideas:
• Assume innocent intent: when you’re quick to assume someone has negative intent you’re looking for trouble and you’ll likely find it. For example, instead of assuming your spouse is lazy for not doing housework when asked, assume he prefers to do it when he’s ready (I know this is radical).
• Give people the gift of your attention: you invest your attention and energy into what you most value. Watching TV four hours/night means you value that more than anything else.
– A survey by PA State University and University of MD found that adults who average 16 hours/week of TV were the least likely to socialize with friends, take classes or play sports.
• Do more things for the sheer sake of fun!
• Be supportive, especially when it’s needed through phone calls, emails, flowers, cards. When your friend is going through tough times give her extra attention.
• Listen nonjudgmentally: the best support of all
• Show your appreciation: communicate in a variety of ways that you appreciate not only your relationship but also specific things about her, like her ability to make you laugh.
• Don’t make your friendship a competition: don’t take it personally if you call her more than she calls you. If you’re calling 100% I might question the friendship, but it doesn’t have to be exactly 50/50.
For the sake of your mental and physical health leave your island more often and invite people to visit you there. Connectedness is largely what it’s all about in this life. Without it you shrivel and fade.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
If dissatisfied socially, try these suggestions
January 23, 2007
Stress for Success
Al, a retired schoolteacher and widower has led a lonely existence since his wife of 35 years died. He stopped going to church, their previous circle of friends withdrew, and he has no close family. He eats alone, watches a lot of TV to pass time and talks mostly to the mail carrier and an occasional neighbor.
“No man is an island, …” said English poet John Donne. Al is alone on his island and puts himself at risk for illness and depression. As difficult as it may be to start a new life, it’s in his best interests to do so since studies show healthy relationships reduce stress translating into improved health and life satisfaction.
Not just widowers but anyone who is dissatisfied with their social circle would be wise to reach out to a variety of people who’d offer you one or more of the following:
• a great time laughing and enjoying life
• support and the gift of attention
• challenge how you see the world (if you surround yourself with yes-people you’ll never grow)
• desired advice
There are tons of places to meet new people. Leave your island and go do the things you’re interested in and love to do such as take classes, go to museums or sporting events, join a club or a professional organization, volunteer, travel, accept invitations and just start talking to people normally wouldn’t.
Then, to create healthier relationships with new friends and existing ones, try these ideas:
• Assume innocent intent: when you’re quick to assume someone has negative intent you’re looking for trouble and you’ll likely find it. For example, instead of assuming your spouse is lazy for not doing housework when asked, assume he prefers to do it when he’s ready (I know this is radical).
• Give people the gift of your attention: you invest your attention and energy into what you most value. Watching TV four hours/night means you value that more than anything else.
– A survey by PA State University and University of MD found that adults who average 16 hours/week of TV were the least likely to socialize with friends, take classes or play sports.
• Do more things for the sheer sake of fun!
• Be supportive, especially when it’s needed through phone calls, emails, flowers, cards. When your friend is going through tough times give her extra attention.
• Listen nonjudgmentally: the best support of all
• Show your appreciation: communicate in a variety of ways that you appreciate not only your relationship but also specific things about her, like her ability to make you laugh.
• Don’t make your friendship a competition: don’t take it personally if you call her more than she calls you. If you’re calling 100% I might question the friendship, but it doesn’t have to be exactly 50/50.
For the sake of your mental and physical health leave your island more often and invite people to visit you there. Connectedness is largely what it’s all about in this life. Without it you shrivel and fade.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Assess healthiness of your relationship
Stress for Success
January 16, 2006
Unhealthy relationships are as destructive to your well being as healthy ones are good for it. Relationships that are full of conflict and stress negatively impact your blood pressure (a risk factor for heart disease) and other physical problems. An ambivalent relationship, sometimes supportive and sometimes hostile, can actually cause more stress than those that are consistently negative.
So, whom do you surround yourself with? Is a particularly challenging relationship harming you? Are too many people sucking the life out of you --- inching you closer to possible illness?
To assess the health of your relationships increase your awareness of them. Listen to your intuitive answers to these questions regarding especially troublesome ones:
• How do I feel when I’m with him: inferior, superior or equal to him? Do I like myself when I’m with him?
• When I’m with him do I typically behave assertively, passively or aggressively?
• After I’ve been with her do I feel more uplifted or more depressed?
• Are our conversations natural or forced?
• Does she often criticize me? When she does, is she trying to help me vs. control me?
• Does she feel joy for me when something good happens to me?
• Do we share common values?
• Do we bring out the best or the worst in each other?
• Are we supportive of each other?
• Does he usually dominate conversations? If I were more assertive would he willingly listen to me?
• Do I have reason to trust him?
• Is the relationship worth the energy I put into it? Would it improve if I invested more positive energy into it?
If your answers tell you that a person is toxic for you, why do you stay involved with her? Do you have a history of associating with the same type of person? If so, consider professional counseling to help you break your pattern.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
Start letting go of an unhealthy relationship when the energy you put into it brings about fewer and less desirable results. Do it for the good of your health.
For a relationship you’ve decided to diminish, to what degree will you lessen it? Think outside all-or-nothing terms. There are many steps between continuing the relationship as is and ending it completely. For example, if you see this person weekly historically, could you cut back to monthly?
What’s more important, continuing with an unhealthy relationship or your well being? If your health wins out you have three options to change the unhealthy relationship:
1) discontinue or decrease it
2) wait for the other person to change in a positive way (don’t hold your breath)
3) change something you’re doing to help make it healthier.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
I’ll cover some ideas on how to grow healthier relationships next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 16, 2006
Unhealthy relationships are as destructive to your well being as healthy ones are good for it. Relationships that are full of conflict and stress negatively impact your blood pressure (a risk factor for heart disease) and other physical problems. An ambivalent relationship, sometimes supportive and sometimes hostile, can actually cause more stress than those that are consistently negative.
So, whom do you surround yourself with? Is a particularly challenging relationship harming you? Are too many people sucking the life out of you --- inching you closer to possible illness?
To assess the health of your relationships increase your awareness of them. Listen to your intuitive answers to these questions regarding especially troublesome ones:
• How do I feel when I’m with him: inferior, superior or equal to him? Do I like myself when I’m with him?
• When I’m with him do I typically behave assertively, passively or aggressively?
• After I’ve been with her do I feel more uplifted or more depressed?
• Are our conversations natural or forced?
• Does she often criticize me? When she does, is she trying to help me vs. control me?
• Does she feel joy for me when something good happens to me?
• Do we share common values?
• Do we bring out the best or the worst in each other?
• Are we supportive of each other?
• Does he usually dominate conversations? If I were more assertive would he willingly listen to me?
• Do I have reason to trust him?
• Is the relationship worth the energy I put into it? Would it improve if I invested more positive energy into it?
If your answers tell you that a person is toxic for you, why do you stay involved with her? Do you have a history of associating with the same type of person? If so, consider professional counseling to help you break your pattern.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
Start letting go of an unhealthy relationship when the energy you put into it brings about fewer and less desirable results. Do it for the good of your health.
For a relationship you’ve decided to diminish, to what degree will you lessen it? Think outside all-or-nothing terms. There are many steps between continuing the relationship as is and ending it completely. For example, if you see this person weekly historically, could you cut back to monthly?
What’s more important, continuing with an unhealthy relationship or your well being? If your health wins out you have three options to change the unhealthy relationship:
1) discontinue or decrease it
2) wait for the other person to change in a positive way (don’t hold your breath)
3) change something you’re doing to help make it healthier.
It’s perfectly OK to diminish or end relationships with those from whom you’ve grown apart and certainly with anyone who’s toxic for you, whether it’s a relative (not so easy) or a relatively unimportant person to you (usually easier). You’re the only one who can decide which ones promote your well being and which ones don’t.
I’ll cover some ideas on how to grow healthier relationships next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Healthy relationships promote physical well-being
Stress for Success
January 9, 2006
Do healthy relationships really contribute to physical and mental well-being? Can they help you live longer? The answer to both seems to be yes.
A life without good friends would be a lonely and barren life indeed. But a life with them brings you fun, laughter and support, which are associated with less stress, increased longevity, and more happiness.
But how often do you run into a friend and say, "let's get together" and then never do? If you don’t set a date certain, you may never. In our crazy and frantic lives it can feel that it's just too difficult to make time to socialize.
It’s easier to spend hours a day on the computer or watching TV, both very solitary activities. Sure you can go into a chat room and “socialize” but it’s not the same as face-to-face relationships.
Here’s what's in it for you to spend more time developing positive relationships.
In a March, 2006 study presented at the American Psychosomatic Society meeting found a connection between hardening of the arteries and the quality of relationships. 150 older, married couples picked a topic of disagreement between them, such as money, and then were videotaped discussing it for six minutes.
“The comments of each were categorized as friendly or hostile, submissive or dominant/controlling. After the discussion, each couple had a C-T scan of their chest to look for evidence of hardening of the arteries.”
The more hostile the wife’s comments, the more hardening of her arteries; her arteries were even worse if she had a hostile husband.
Husbands who displayed more dominant/controlling behavior, or whose wives did, were more likely than other men to have more severe hardening of the arteries.
For women, hostility increases the risk of heart disease, and for men, dominant/controlling behavior does. Interestingly, women were unaffected by their own or their husbands’ dominant behavior, and men were unaffected by their own or their wives’ hostility.
This research suggests that learning to communicate in non-hostile and non-dominant/controlling ways could be as good for your heart as your marriage.
University of Virginia research found through brain scans that stressed women who hold their husbands’ hands show signs of immediate relief. Dr. James Coan, study author, studied several couples who rated themselves highly satisfied with their marriages. His results showed spouse handholding created a large decrease in the brain’s response to threat with a limited decrease in this response when holding the hand of a stranger.
Pets, too, can be good for your health. UCLA research is finding that having a pet might actually improve survival after a heart attack. Additional studies have found that having a pet relieves depression, reduces blood pressure and triglycerides, and improves exercise habits, all which can lower the risk of heart attacks.
On the other hand, relationships that are full of conflict and stress have a negative impact on your health affecting blood pressure, contributing to heart disease and other medical conditions. It's in your best interest to minimize or eliminate negative relationships in your life. This is the topic for next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
January 9, 2006
Do healthy relationships really contribute to physical and mental well-being? Can they help you live longer? The answer to both seems to be yes.
A life without good friends would be a lonely and barren life indeed. But a life with them brings you fun, laughter and support, which are associated with less stress, increased longevity, and more happiness.
But how often do you run into a friend and say, "let's get together" and then never do? If you don’t set a date certain, you may never. In our crazy and frantic lives it can feel that it's just too difficult to make time to socialize.
It’s easier to spend hours a day on the computer or watching TV, both very solitary activities. Sure you can go into a chat room and “socialize” but it’s not the same as face-to-face relationships.
Here’s what's in it for you to spend more time developing positive relationships.
In a March, 2006 study presented at the American Psychosomatic Society meeting found a connection between hardening of the arteries and the quality of relationships. 150 older, married couples picked a topic of disagreement between them, such as money, and then were videotaped discussing it for six minutes.
“The comments of each were categorized as friendly or hostile, submissive or dominant/controlling. After the discussion, each couple had a C-T scan of their chest to look for evidence of hardening of the arteries.”
The more hostile the wife’s comments, the more hardening of her arteries; her arteries were even worse if she had a hostile husband.
Husbands who displayed more dominant/controlling behavior, or whose wives did, were more likely than other men to have more severe hardening of the arteries.
For women, hostility increases the risk of heart disease, and for men, dominant/controlling behavior does. Interestingly, women were unaffected by their own or their husbands’ dominant behavior, and men were unaffected by their own or their wives’ hostility.
This research suggests that learning to communicate in non-hostile and non-dominant/controlling ways could be as good for your heart as your marriage.
University of Virginia research found through brain scans that stressed women who hold their husbands’ hands show signs of immediate relief. Dr. James Coan, study author, studied several couples who rated themselves highly satisfied with their marriages. His results showed spouse handholding created a large decrease in the brain’s response to threat with a limited decrease in this response when holding the hand of a stranger.
Pets, too, can be good for your health. UCLA research is finding that having a pet might actually improve survival after a heart attack. Additional studies have found that having a pet relieves depression, reduces blood pressure and triglycerides, and improves exercise habits, all which can lower the risk of heart attacks.
On the other hand, relationships that are full of conflict and stress have a negative impact on your health affecting blood pressure, contributing to heart disease and other medical conditions. It's in your best interest to minimize or eliminate negative relationships in your life. This is the topic for next week.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Reduce expenses, retain workers
An array of ideas may help employers be more successful
Stress for Success
When your employees grumble about workplace stress around the water fountain, what do they say? Not knowing can cost your organization dearly.
With low unemployment rates, retaining employees has never been more important. Which employees can you afford to lose? Is it easy to replace them? How much does it cost? What’s the annual increase for your workers’ compensation and health insurance? Can you hear your bottom line chipping away?
Because a happy worker is more productive and more likely to stay, many employers are experimenting with ideas to reduce employee stress. Here are some:
• Train all to do their jobs more efficiently and safely
• Stop your supervisory personnel from driving away your staff by providing them with management training.
• Facilitate work/life balance by having a team manage a particular job function vs. an individual. If an employee has her child’s soccer game to attend, for example, other team members could cover for her, a wonderful motivator.
• Everyone needs downtime from work so encourage employees to take weekends off and vacations. At Price Waterhouse Coopers if an employee sends an e-mail on a weekend, a pop-up screen reminds him, "It's the weekend and it's important to disconnect and allow others to do the same. Please send your e-mail at the beginning of the workweek."
• Flextime: flexible and creative scheduling helps employees balance their work and home responsibilities.
• Give more personal time. HomeBanc Mortgage Corporation in Atlanta gives employees an extra 24 hours they call "being there" time. Employees use the time whenever they need a couple hours to take care of personal responsibilities without using vacation time.
• Offer regular stress reduction training to all
• If that’s not sufficient offer individual stress coaching
• Concierge services pamper your employees and decrease their errand-running stress. Employees pay for the services, such as dry-cleaning, but not for the concierge service itself.
• On-site childcare addresses many parents’ biggest stressor. You can offer it year-round, during the summer when school’s out or before and after school hours.
• Serenity rooms offer stressed-out employees a few minutes of solitude, particularly helpful for those who work in cubicles where there's absolutely no privacy.
• Massage therapy is one of the best ways to reduce stress. HomeBanc sends massage therapists to each office monthly to offer free neck and shoulder massages. ARUP Laboratories subsidizes on-site massage where employees pay $5 for a 15-minute massage.
• Provide snacks or meals during particularly stressful times of the year, for example during tax season for accounting firms.
• Wellness initiatives such as subsidizing health club membership, nutrition advice, health screenings for cholesterol and blood pressure, financial incentives to those who quit smoking, and work time to exercise or meditate
A cost/benefit analysis can tell you if ideas that seem appropriate for your workers could actually save you money when compared to the high cost of turnover and increased insurance rates.
So what are you waiting for? With stress mounting in our frenzied workplace costing you every step of the way, how can you reduce stress in your organization?
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
An array of ideas may help employers be more successful
Stress for Success
When your employees grumble about workplace stress around the water fountain, what do they say? Not knowing can cost your organization dearly.
With low unemployment rates, retaining employees has never been more important. Which employees can you afford to lose? Is it easy to replace them? How much does it cost? What’s the annual increase for your workers’ compensation and health insurance? Can you hear your bottom line chipping away?
Because a happy worker is more productive and more likely to stay, many employers are experimenting with ideas to reduce employee stress. Here are some:
• Train all to do their jobs more efficiently and safely
• Stop your supervisory personnel from driving away your staff by providing them with management training.
• Facilitate work/life balance by having a team manage a particular job function vs. an individual. If an employee has her child’s soccer game to attend, for example, other team members could cover for her, a wonderful motivator.
• Everyone needs downtime from work so encourage employees to take weekends off and vacations. At Price Waterhouse Coopers if an employee sends an e-mail on a weekend, a pop-up screen reminds him, "It's the weekend and it's important to disconnect and allow others to do the same. Please send your e-mail at the beginning of the workweek."
• Flextime: flexible and creative scheduling helps employees balance their work and home responsibilities.
• Give more personal time. HomeBanc Mortgage Corporation in Atlanta gives employees an extra 24 hours they call "being there" time. Employees use the time whenever they need a couple hours to take care of personal responsibilities without using vacation time.
• Offer regular stress reduction training to all
• If that’s not sufficient offer individual stress coaching
• Concierge services pamper your employees and decrease their errand-running stress. Employees pay for the services, such as dry-cleaning, but not for the concierge service itself.
• On-site childcare addresses many parents’ biggest stressor. You can offer it year-round, during the summer when school’s out or before and after school hours.
• Serenity rooms offer stressed-out employees a few minutes of solitude, particularly helpful for those who work in cubicles where there's absolutely no privacy.
• Massage therapy is one of the best ways to reduce stress. HomeBanc sends massage therapists to each office monthly to offer free neck and shoulder massages. ARUP Laboratories subsidizes on-site massage where employees pay $5 for a 15-minute massage.
• Provide snacks or meals during particularly stressful times of the year, for example during tax season for accounting firms.
• Wellness initiatives such as subsidizing health club membership, nutrition advice, health screenings for cholesterol and blood pressure, financial incentives to those who quit smoking, and work time to exercise or meditate
A cost/benefit analysis can tell you if ideas that seem appropriate for your workers could actually save you money when compared to the high cost of turnover and increased insurance rates.
So what are you waiting for? With stress mounting in our frenzied workplace costing you every step of the way, how can you reduce stress in your organization?
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Set goals, not resolutions
Stress for Success
December 26, 2006
Are you considering New Year’s resolutions? If you’re historically unsuccessful at this annual tradition consider setting goals, even small ones that become part of a bigger picture of where you want to be in the next few years.
“Start with the end in mind”, said Steven Covey, author of “7 Habits of Highly Successful People”. When you see how immediate effort can begin the movement toward a larger and more important destination it creates energy and motivation to accomplish your present goal.
So figure out where you want to be in the next three - five years and then create New Year’s goals to nudge you in that direction. If you don’t know where you want to be, answer the two magic questions repeatedly over several weeks, “What do I want more of?” and “What do I want less of?” in my personal and professional life. Whatever repetitively appears on successive lists paints a picture of your desired destination around which you form your smaller New Year’s goals.
For instance, with semi-retirement approaching in the next few years, I’d like to spend additional time on more economical vacations and seeking more adventure.
To have more economical vacations my New Year’s goal is to contact cruise ships (which I’ve considered doing for ten years) to exchange workshops for free passage for my husband and me.
To satisfy my life-long need for adventure (which has become my husband’s, too), we’re considering numerous volunteer efforts. One is with Encore, an organization that connects returned Peace Corps volunteers with international projects requiring our kind of talents. These commitments last three weeks to three months; perfect for us.
Don’t assume you have to accomplish your objective in one big step. My goal with Encore is to simply contact them and explore the possibilities. If interested, I’d then learn more about them and research safety and practical concerns regarding working overseas again.
By keeping our end in mind, spending semi-retirement time seeking adventure and travel, even if working with Encore and the cruise ships don’t pan out, there are other possibilities. In other words, we don’t have to give up on our end, we’d just have to come up with new ways, new goals, to get there.
Once you’ve defined your New Year’s goal and steps to achieve it, keep it visually in mind by making a colorful, visually appealing flyer of your action plan. Post it around your house, office and/or car to keep you focused on what you need to do daily to accomplish it. And reward yourself for each successful step you take.
In addition to your specific New Year’s goal, there are stress reduction goals, also beneficial for your longer-term destination:
• Strengthen relationships with family/friends
• Self-care through regular exercise and healthier eating
• Life balance
• Spiritual growth
• Effective goal setting and attainment
Making progress in these areas limits the damage stress does to you physically and emotionally so you arrive at your destination in better shape to enjoy it more.
These will be the topics for the next weeks. Happy New Year!
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
December 26, 2006
Are you considering New Year’s resolutions? If you’re historically unsuccessful at this annual tradition consider setting goals, even small ones that become part of a bigger picture of where you want to be in the next few years.
“Start with the end in mind”, said Steven Covey, author of “7 Habits of Highly Successful People”. When you see how immediate effort can begin the movement toward a larger and more important destination it creates energy and motivation to accomplish your present goal.
So figure out where you want to be in the next three - five years and then create New Year’s goals to nudge you in that direction. If you don’t know where you want to be, answer the two magic questions repeatedly over several weeks, “What do I want more of?” and “What do I want less of?” in my personal and professional life. Whatever repetitively appears on successive lists paints a picture of your desired destination around which you form your smaller New Year’s goals.
For instance, with semi-retirement approaching in the next few years, I’d like to spend additional time on more economical vacations and seeking more adventure.
To have more economical vacations my New Year’s goal is to contact cruise ships (which I’ve considered doing for ten years) to exchange workshops for free passage for my husband and me.
To satisfy my life-long need for adventure (which has become my husband’s, too), we’re considering numerous volunteer efforts. One is with Encore, an organization that connects returned Peace Corps volunteers with international projects requiring our kind of talents. These commitments last three weeks to three months; perfect for us.
Don’t assume you have to accomplish your objective in one big step. My goal with Encore is to simply contact them and explore the possibilities. If interested, I’d then learn more about them and research safety and practical concerns regarding working overseas again.
By keeping our end in mind, spending semi-retirement time seeking adventure and travel, even if working with Encore and the cruise ships don’t pan out, there are other possibilities. In other words, we don’t have to give up on our end, we’d just have to come up with new ways, new goals, to get there.
Once you’ve defined your New Year’s goal and steps to achieve it, keep it visually in mind by making a colorful, visually appealing flyer of your action plan. Post it around your house, office and/or car to keep you focused on what you need to do daily to accomplish it. And reward yourself for each successful step you take.
In addition to your specific New Year’s goal, there are stress reduction goals, also beneficial for your longer-term destination:
• Strengthen relationships with family/friends
• Self-care through regular exercise and healthier eating
• Life balance
• Spiritual growth
• Effective goal setting and attainment
Making progress in these areas limits the damage stress does to you physically and emotionally so you arrive at your destination in better shape to enjoy it more.
These will be the topics for the next weeks. Happy New Year!
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Holidays can bring on blues
Learn about the common stressors and how to cope
Stress for Success
December 19, 2006
According to Madison Avenue, Christmas is always 100% happy, loving and generous. Your holidays can be very stressful if your reality falls short of this ideal.
Even if you measure up well, it’s a time of frenetic cleaning, decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, going to and hosting parties, all leading to exhaustion.
A key to coping is to know that we’re all more vulnerable to stress right now and to keep the increased activity, overindulgences, and unrealistic expectations from overwhelming you.
The most common holiday stressors include:
• Relationships: historically tumultuous ones can be particularly toxic, especially if you’re with your family of origin where reverting back to childhood roles triggers each other’s hot buttons.
– If you’ve lost a loved-one the holidays probably leave you very lonely and depressed.
• Finances: money stress can occur any time but takes on new dimensions if you overspend on gifts, travel, etc.
• Exhaustion: the vicious cycle of stress causing fatigue, leaving you less likely to exercise and meditate, increasing stress. Overindulgence of food and liquor can push you overboard.
Here are some holiday stress coping tips:
• Treat yourself kindly: accept your imperfections. Do something you find special. Focus on the importance of Christmas vs. buying stuff. Appreciate the efforts you make to create a positive experience for your loved ones.
• Put your mind into neutral: commit to not letting other’s irritating behaviors upset you. Avoid difficult people, if possible. Save any confrontations for the New Year. If someone else gets easily upset, give him a break; he’s probably over-stressed, too. An excellent holiday mantra is, "This too shall pass."
– Instead of picturing everything things going wrong, picture them going well. Prepare yourself mentally to positively handle what could go wrong and appreciate the positive.
• Be realistic: let go of Hallmark expectations that everything must be perfect. If there's a spot on your tablecloth, put something over it vs. fuss about it. Virtually no one cares. And if someone does, don’t invite her next year.
• Stick to your budget: decide how much you can afford and stick to it. To avoid over-spending leave your credit cards at home and take only the cash you've budgeted. You can’t buy love or friendship. Explain to your kids if you can’t afford something they want. Knowing there are limits is good for them.
• Set appropriate limits: prioritize invitations, requests and responsibilities; commit only to what’s realistically achievable.
• Plan ahead: include your family in making a list of and dividing additional responsibilities. Decide who will do what. (If you do it all yourself you’ll teach them to do nothing.)
• Self-care: over-eat and -drink on Christmas if you must, but not for the next two weeks. Take daily 15-minute breaks to refresh each day. Get plenty of exercise and drink lots of water to keep up your energy.
• Be grateful: help those who are less fortunate; catch your loved ones doing something right; as you prepare everything remember your love for those for whom you’re doing it.
If you still have the holiday blues talk to someone you trust. Keep up your normal routine and know that this too shall pass.
Merry Christmas!
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Learn about the common stressors and how to cope
Stress for Success
December 19, 2006
According to Madison Avenue, Christmas is always 100% happy, loving and generous. Your holidays can be very stressful if your reality falls short of this ideal.
Even if you measure up well, it’s a time of frenetic cleaning, decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, going to and hosting parties, all leading to exhaustion.
A key to coping is to know that we’re all more vulnerable to stress right now and to keep the increased activity, overindulgences, and unrealistic expectations from overwhelming you.
The most common holiday stressors include:
• Relationships: historically tumultuous ones can be particularly toxic, especially if you’re with your family of origin where reverting back to childhood roles triggers each other’s hot buttons.
– If you’ve lost a loved-one the holidays probably leave you very lonely and depressed.
• Finances: money stress can occur any time but takes on new dimensions if you overspend on gifts, travel, etc.
• Exhaustion: the vicious cycle of stress causing fatigue, leaving you less likely to exercise and meditate, increasing stress. Overindulgence of food and liquor can push you overboard.
Here are some holiday stress coping tips:
• Treat yourself kindly: accept your imperfections. Do something you find special. Focus on the importance of Christmas vs. buying stuff. Appreciate the efforts you make to create a positive experience for your loved ones.
• Put your mind into neutral: commit to not letting other’s irritating behaviors upset you. Avoid difficult people, if possible. Save any confrontations for the New Year. If someone else gets easily upset, give him a break; he’s probably over-stressed, too. An excellent holiday mantra is, "This too shall pass."
– Instead of picturing everything things going wrong, picture them going well. Prepare yourself mentally to positively handle what could go wrong and appreciate the positive.
• Be realistic: let go of Hallmark expectations that everything must be perfect. If there's a spot on your tablecloth, put something over it vs. fuss about it. Virtually no one cares. And if someone does, don’t invite her next year.
• Stick to your budget: decide how much you can afford and stick to it. To avoid over-spending leave your credit cards at home and take only the cash you've budgeted. You can’t buy love or friendship. Explain to your kids if you can’t afford something they want. Knowing there are limits is good for them.
• Set appropriate limits: prioritize invitations, requests and responsibilities; commit only to what’s realistically achievable.
• Plan ahead: include your family in making a list of and dividing additional responsibilities. Decide who will do what. (If you do it all yourself you’ll teach them to do nothing.)
• Self-care: over-eat and -drink on Christmas if you must, but not for the next two weeks. Take daily 15-minute breaks to refresh each day. Get plenty of exercise and drink lots of water to keep up your energy.
• Be grateful: help those who are less fortunate; catch your loved ones doing something right; as you prepare everything remember your love for those for whom you’re doing it.
If you still have the holiday blues talk to someone you trust. Keep up your normal routine and know that this too shall pass.
Merry Christmas!
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
When enthusiasm’s at a low it’s in employers’ best interest to help
Stress for Success
December 12, 2006
Not all stress is bad. So how can a manager tell when employees have too much?
Your optimal stress level is the amount that makes you feel motivated to tackle the day's challenges. As a manager, when you notice an employee losing enthusiasm, stress may be the culprit.
Too much stress causes everything from physical illness and increased health care costs to resistance to change and high turnover, negatively affecting your bottom line. Too little stress can be just as damaging.
Everybody has it. Stress doesn't happen to only those who are weaker. According to 2006 surveys from ComPsyche and the Anxiety Disorder Association of America (ADAA), employees cite their top work stressors:
• Deadlines, 55%
• Management, 50%
• Workload, 46%
• People issues, 28%
• Juggling work/personal lives, 20%
• Lack of job security, 6%
The ADAA’s 2006 Stress and Anxiety Disorders Survey found the most common ways employees react to stress:
• Caffeine, 31%
• Exercise, 25%
• OTC medications, 23%
• Alcohol, 20%
• Smoking, 27%
• Eat (46% of women, 27% of men)
• Talk to family/friends (44%, 21%)
• Sex (19% for men, 10% for women)
• Illegal drugs (12% for men, 2% for women)
Fewer than 40% of employees whose stress interferes with their work have spoken to their employer about it mainly because they fear:
• It would be perceived as lack of interest or unwillingness to do something
• Being labeled “weak”
• It would affect promotion opportunities
• Being laughed at or not taken seriously
Of those who did mention their stress, 40% were offered some type of help, usually a mental health referral or a stress management class. Both of these can be helpful but only to those who speak up.
Since an estimated 40% of turnover is due to stress it’s in your best interest to determine what your employees perceive to be their main stressors before jumping in with a plan. Employee surveys, exit interviews and having them write about what bothers them the most at work (probably mostly about situations over which they have little or no control) can help you more accurately identify their major stressors.
Once identified, then put the requisite amount of energy into the goal of preventing or decreasing future stress. Your options range from an occasional brownbag lunch series (but don’t expect much benefit) to individualized plans to help them relax, improve their diet, coping, etc.
Also, educate yourself on what your competitors are doing to help their employees. Some provide concierge services to reduce employee stress while others pay for on-site yoga classes.
One of the most important things to do for all employees, over-stressed or not, is to give them more control over their biggest work frustrations. For example, an employee who’s very distracted by a coworker’s habits (including cracking gum and talking to himself) requested and received the right to work in a different part of the building when necessary.
Next week I’ll share other ideas that organizations are finding successful in reducing workplace stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
InterAction Associates
239-693-8111
Training & Coaching with a Purpose!
Training Programs & Skill Development Through Coaching
Recruit & Retain the Best from all Four Generations
Building Diverse Teams
Workplace/Sexual Harassment
Stress Management
Team Building
Polished Public Speaking
Customer Service
Team Building
Creative Problem-solving & Decision-making
Much more
Stress for Success
December 12, 2006
Not all stress is bad. So how can a manager tell when employees have too much?
Your optimal stress level is the amount that makes you feel motivated to tackle the day's challenges. As a manager, when you notice an employee losing enthusiasm, stress may be the culprit.
Too much stress causes everything from physical illness and increased health care costs to resistance to change and high turnover, negatively affecting your bottom line. Too little stress can be just as damaging.
Everybody has it. Stress doesn't happen to only those who are weaker. According to 2006 surveys from ComPsyche and the Anxiety Disorder Association of America (ADAA), employees cite their top work stressors:
• Deadlines, 55%
• Management, 50%
• Workload, 46%
• People issues, 28%
• Juggling work/personal lives, 20%
• Lack of job security, 6%
The ADAA’s 2006 Stress and Anxiety Disorders Survey found the most common ways employees react to stress:
• Caffeine, 31%
• Exercise, 25%
• OTC medications, 23%
• Alcohol, 20%
• Smoking, 27%
• Eat (46% of women, 27% of men)
• Talk to family/friends (44%, 21%)
• Sex (19% for men, 10% for women)
• Illegal drugs (12% for men, 2% for women)
Fewer than 40% of employees whose stress interferes with their work have spoken to their employer about it mainly because they fear:
• It would be perceived as lack of interest or unwillingness to do something
• Being labeled “weak”
• It would affect promotion opportunities
• Being laughed at or not taken seriously
Of those who did mention their stress, 40% were offered some type of help, usually a mental health referral or a stress management class. Both of these can be helpful but only to those who speak up.
Since an estimated 40% of turnover is due to stress it’s in your best interest to determine what your employees perceive to be their main stressors before jumping in with a plan. Employee surveys, exit interviews and having them write about what bothers them the most at work (probably mostly about situations over which they have little or no control) can help you more accurately identify their major stressors.
Once identified, then put the requisite amount of energy into the goal of preventing or decreasing future stress. Your options range from an occasional brownbag lunch series (but don’t expect much benefit) to individualized plans to help them relax, improve their diet, coping, etc.
Also, educate yourself on what your competitors are doing to help their employees. Some provide concierge services to reduce employee stress while others pay for on-site yoga classes.
One of the most important things to do for all employees, over-stressed or not, is to give them more control over their biggest work frustrations. For example, an employee who’s very distracted by a coworker’s habits (including cracking gum and talking to himself) requested and received the right to work in a different part of the building when necessary.
Next week I’ll share other ideas that organizations are finding successful in reducing workplace stress.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
InterAction Associates
239-693-8111
Training & Coaching with a Purpose!
Training Programs & Skill Development Through Coaching
Recruit & Retain the Best from all Four Generations
Building Diverse Teams
Workplace/Sexual Harassment
Stress Management
Team Building
Polished Public Speaking
Customer Service
Team Building
Creative Problem-solving & Decision-making
Much more
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Workplace stress can hurt an organization’s bottom line
Stress for Success
December 5, 2006
As an employer, whatever decreases staff turnover would positively affect your bottom line, right? Well, consider this:
• 40% of all job turnover is due to stress!
This is huge, especially when you consider the looming employee shortage due to millions of Baby Boomers retiring and so many fewer Gen Xers to take their place.
Companies that weigh the consequences of not addressing worker well-being compared to the payoff of doing so are included in Robert Levering’s book, “The 100 Best Companies to Work for in America.” They have more than twice the earnings per share and more than twice the rate of stock appreciation as the average Standard & Poor’s 500 company.
To help you reduce employee turnover, here is general information about workplace stress. To reduce your specific problems you’ll need to get accurate information from your employees.
Stress leads to an increase in accidents as well as to illness and disease, therefore higher health care costs. When stressed your attention narrows, you become preoccupied, which leads to more injuries.
• Jonathan Torres, M.D., of Workmed Occupational Health Services, ME: workers with high stress are 30% more likely to have accidents than those with low stress. Sixty to 80% of on-the-job accidents are attributed to stress!
• Harvard Business Review reported on average, stress-related accident claims are two times more costly than nonstressed related ones.
• A study of 3,020 aircraft employees: those who “hardly ever” enjoy their jobs were 2½ times more likely to report back injury.
Stress also creates “tunnel vision”, which can cause errors of judgment decreasing creativity and the ability to cope with change. When stressed, humans revert back to familiar behaviors, not something that allows us to adapt in today’s environment of never-ending organizational change.
Other workplace problems created by or at least exacerbated by stress include:
• Interpersonal conflict: the St. Paul Insurance report found the main causes of burnout were interpersonal demands from working with teams and supervisors.
• Violence accounts for 17% of all deaths in the workplace according to a Northwestern National Life study.
• Customer service problems: stressed-out and tired employees don’t treat your customers well enough.
- A Harvard Business Review study by Reichheld & Sasser found a 5% reduction in customer defection translates into a 30% - 85% increase in corporate profitability.
• Loss of intellectual capital: to thrive organizations must be perceptive, agile and responsive to market and customer needs. Stressed-out employees don’t focus on excellence and innovation.
- Jack Quirk of Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Maine: “Organization’s ability to make process improvements nearly always stops due to resistance. With overwhelming workloads … and going so fast, (employees) don’t have time to make the process better. It creates a terrible cycle of trying to work harder … because the volume you have to put out is increasing, but you aren’t doing anything to make the process more effective and efficient.”
- High-stress jobs with low control cause employees thought processes to become more rigid, simplistic and superficial, not a great mindset for innovation.
- Dr. Martin Seligman’s (University of Pennsylvania) research on “learned helplessness” has shown that the more helpless a person feels, the less likely she is to come up with effective coping responses.
For a happier, healthier workforce:
• How can you identify and relieve your employees’ main stressors?
• What can you do to give them more control, therefore less stress, over their day-to-day activities?
• How can you help your employees enjoy their jobs more?
Your answers – and more importantly your actions – that reduce their stress will improve your bottom line.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
Stress for Success
December 5, 2006
As an employer, whatever decreases staff turnover would positively affect your bottom line, right? Well, consider this:
• 40% of all job turnover is due to stress!
This is huge, especially when you consider the looming employee shortage due to millions of Baby Boomers retiring and so many fewer Gen Xers to take their place.
Companies that weigh the consequences of not addressing worker well-being compared to the payoff of doing so are included in Robert Levering’s book, “The 100 Best Companies to Work for in America.” They have more than twice the earnings per share and more than twice the rate of stock appreciation as the average Standard & Poor’s 500 company.
To help you reduce employee turnover, here is general information about workplace stress. To reduce your specific problems you’ll need to get accurate information from your employees.
Stress leads to an increase in accidents as well as to illness and disease, therefore higher health care costs. When stressed your attention narrows, you become preoccupied, which leads to more injuries.
• Jonathan Torres, M.D., of Workmed Occupational Health Services, ME: workers with high stress are 30% more likely to have accidents than those with low stress. Sixty to 80% of on-the-job accidents are attributed to stress!
• Harvard Business Review reported on average, stress-related accident claims are two times more costly than nonstressed related ones.
• A study of 3,020 aircraft employees: those who “hardly ever” enjoy their jobs were 2½ times more likely to report back injury.
Stress also creates “tunnel vision”, which can cause errors of judgment decreasing creativity and the ability to cope with change. When stressed, humans revert back to familiar behaviors, not something that allows us to adapt in today’s environment of never-ending organizational change.
Other workplace problems created by or at least exacerbated by stress include:
• Interpersonal conflict: the St. Paul Insurance report found the main causes of burnout were interpersonal demands from working with teams and supervisors.
• Violence accounts for 17% of all deaths in the workplace according to a Northwestern National Life study.
• Customer service problems: stressed-out and tired employees don’t treat your customers well enough.
- A Harvard Business Review study by Reichheld & Sasser found a 5% reduction in customer defection translates into a 30% - 85% increase in corporate profitability.
• Loss of intellectual capital: to thrive organizations must be perceptive, agile and responsive to market and customer needs. Stressed-out employees don’t focus on excellence and innovation.
- Jack Quirk of Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Maine: “Organization’s ability to make process improvements nearly always stops due to resistance. With overwhelming workloads … and going so fast, (employees) don’t have time to make the process better. It creates a terrible cycle of trying to work harder … because the volume you have to put out is increasing, but you aren’t doing anything to make the process more effective and efficient.”
- High-stress jobs with low control cause employees thought processes to become more rigid, simplistic and superficial, not a great mindset for innovation.
- Dr. Martin Seligman’s (University of Pennsylvania) research on “learned helplessness” has shown that the more helpless a person feels, the less likely she is to come up with effective coping responses.
For a happier, healthier workforce:
• How can you identify and relieve your employees’ main stressors?
• What can you do to give them more control, therefore less stress, over their day-to-day activities?
• How can you help your employees enjoy their jobs more?
Your answers – and more importantly your actions – that reduce their stress will improve your bottom line.
Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.
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