Developing empathy helps adolescents cope with stress
Stress for SuccessAugust 6, 2013
Some kids are simply born luckier than others; like those who
are born to emotionally mature parents. When children grow up in an emotionally
stable environment, where they feel nurtured and safe, they can afford to be
less focused on themselves and experience the luxury of taking an interest in
others, a necessary condition for developing empathy. Those children born to
emotionally immature parents who do not attend to their children’s needs are at
a distinct disadvantage.
Empathy is very important trait for kids – and adults - in
dealing with life’s stressors. Gustavo Carlo, the Millsap Professor of
Diversity in the Missouri University of Human Development and Family Studies
and his team surveyed 1557 students between the ages of 12 and 15 years in
Valencia, Spain to measure various behaviors: their feelings toward others,
past pro-social and physically aggressive behaviors, and their emotional
stability and how they deal with stressful situations.
Carlo points out that adults deal with stress through
problem-solving, while infants relieve stress through crying. He identified
adolescents’ coping habits and how these affect their behaviors toward others.
In an August
8, 2012 article, the researchers reported, “… empathetic youngsters were more
likely to use problem-focused coping to manage their stress. They were also more
likely to perform pro-social behaviors benefiting others like helping friends
with problems, donating money or volunteering. In contrast, emotionally
unstable and impulsive young people tended to rely more on emotion-focused
coping including avoidance or distraction, and also more frequently displayed
signs of aggression.”
Carlo
explained, “Empathetic kids are generally good at regulating their emotions and
tend not to lose their tempers. … you’re less concerned about yourself and more
considerate of others. On the other hand, impulsive children are more
self-focused and have difficulty engaging in problem-focused coping.”
So how can you teach empathy to your children? To a
significant degree it’s determined by their ages. With very
young kids, the best way to teach them empathy is as parents to model it
yourself. Listen more than you have in the past. Feed back to your children and
to others what you hear them say versus put out your own views without
acknowledging their perspectives.
Anthropologist,
Gwen Dewar, Ph. D., (http://www.parentingscience.com/parenting-blog.html)
offers advice on teaching empathy to children. She notes that empathy is a complicated
trait made up of several skills:
·
Self-awareness and the ability to distinguish
one’s own feelings from others’;
·
The ability to understand another’s
perspective;
·
The ability to control one’s own emotional responses;
Everyone regardless of age benefits from having appropriate
empathy. It’s not always easy, however. Those who have trouble coping with
their own emotions find it more difficult to show empathy toward others.
Dewar suggest strategies, inspired by scientific research,
to develop stronger empathy. I’ll cover one of hers today and additional ones
in my next article.
1.
“Address your child’s needs and teach her how
to bounce back from stress. Studies suggest kids are more likely to develop a
strong sense of empathy when their own emotional needs are met at home (Barnett
1987). When kids have secure attachment relationships, they know they can count
on their caregivers for emotional and physical support, they are more likely to
show sympathy and offer help to other kids in distress (Waters et all 1979;
Kestenbaum et all 1989).
Additional research indicates that kids are
more likely to show empathic concern for others if they have parents who help
them cope with negative emotions in a sympathetic, problem-solving-oriented
way.”
