Space of time stops knee-jerk reactions
Stress for Success
July 20, 2010


Recently I’ve written about how mindfulness can help you respond to stressful situations as you want versus reacting automatically out of your unconscious, past childhood programming. It’s difficult to change these mechanical reactions because when you’re anxious your Stress Cycle is triggered speeding up your response time. The more stressed you are the faster you react. All of your best intentions of behaving more appropriately go down the drain.

To stop these unwanted reactions create a Space of Time between your stressor and your reaction to it. You can gain a millisecond of time to discipline yourself to stop your habitual, defensive behavior and replace it with a more desirable and effective response.

Mind Games can create this Space of Time. This isn’t the idea from the 1980s pop psychology where you manipulate others people’s minds but rather it’s playing a little game inside your own head to stop your undesirable reactions.

Mind Games don’t solve problems. Their sole intended purpose is to give you power to change your behavior, seldom an easy task. Here are some examples.

Mind Games work best when you personalize them to your situation. For instance, a woman was easily intimidated by her very aggressive, loud boss. In fits of pique he threw insults at her and others. She came to the belated conclusion that his rudeness said more about him than about her and decided she needed to keep his insults from sticking to her. So she imagined a protective plexiglass shield slipping into place in front of her resulting in his insulting words dripping down the glass therefore not sticking to her.

When my older stepson moved in with us I became very critical of him, which I disliked in myself. He’d do something and I automatically pounced. I tried deep breathing, looking for humor in the situation but nothing worked well. One day as I was about to criticize him, an image popped into my mind that worked as a Mind Game from that day on - most of the time anyway. I pictured my mother and father watching their dear sweet daughter being so hard on this child. That’s all I needed. It stopped me in my tracks. It created the Space of Time I needed to walk away from the situation.

Finally, a young boy was afraid of being alone in his bedroom at night. His father taught him to hum, When the Saints Come Marching In, whenever he became frightened to push away his fears, which allowed him to fall asleep sooner.

Mind Games that can work for you are limited only by your creativity. Create some image, thought, humor or just use deep breathing to stop unproductive reactions. Create a Space of Time to increase your opportunity for change.

Be patient because this, like anything, takes time. And it doesn’t always work. If Mind Games help you stop undesirable behavior even a little, it’ll be worth the effort. Perfect this skill and you’ll finally be able rid yourself of some of those embarrassing, immature reactions.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., is an international speaker and a Stress and Wellness Coach. Order her book, Let Your Body Win: Stress Management Plain & Simple, at http://www.letyourbodywin.com/bookstore.html. Email her to request she speak to your organization at jferg8@aol.com.