Social support helps longevity
Stress for Success
April 21, 2009


Recently I’ve been writing about the damage chronic stress can do to mental, physical and emotional wellbeing. Most research as to why has focused on the fight/flight hormones, particularly cortisol. To counter this damage channel your stress energy through what I call Stress Breaks – rest away from your stress through exercise, meditation, engaging in your favorite hobbies, etc.

Additional research suggests that another hormone, oxytocin (in Greek meaning quick birth), may also help mitigate some of the fight/flight damage.

Oxytocin’s an interesting hormone believed to be released in both sexes during touching, bonding and orgasm. In the brain, it’s involved in social recognition and connecting with others. In women, it also facilitates birth and breast-feeding.

UCLA Psychologist Shelley Taylor argues that the even though the fight/flight response occurs in both men and women it’s more about what happens to men, who are generally more aggressive. She suggests that because women are the primary caregivers when they’re stressed they can also rely upon the “tend and befriend” response where they focus more on care-giving and pursuing social support. A growing number of scientists believe this response may help to explain why women tend to outlive men.

Regardless of gender, close social connections are good for your health. However, research shows that women get more benefit from friendship than men.

Dr. Terri Apter, Cambridge University social psychologist and co-author of “Best Friends” reports, “The friendships of both sexes tend to promote health, even though they differ in style. Social connectivity … increases health and longevity. The difference is that women have more friends to turn to more often, so they get more benefit.”

Scientists at the University of California report that women also release oxytocin in times of stress. Women seem to be programmed hormonally to use friendship as a remedy to life’s problems in a way that men aren’t.

Oxytocin then, especially in conjunction with estrogen, promotes seeking out and nurturing relationships. An increase in this hormone is calming and may lessen the worst consequences of women’s stress reaction. Evolutionarily speaking it makes sense since the fight or flight response is less practical for women nursing their young. It also makes survival sense since the sex that bears progeny must be protected so they can continue to procreate.

Conversely, for men during the stress response testosterone floods their systems taking a high physical toll on them. And testosterone inhibits oxytocin.

Some experts, however, fear that the health advantages from tend and befriend are threatened from our pressure-cooker lifestyle, which can lead to less time for friendship. If so, this may explain the increase of heart disease among women.

But Marla Paul, author of “The Friendship Crisis” says: "Women need to spend time with friends to maintain their balance and health. Friends are not a luxury. They're essential." (I hear “hallelujahs” from female readers affirming this statement.)

The take-home message for both genders: strong relationships are vital to health and longevity. How will you make more time for your important relationships to protect your health?

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com or call 239-693-8111 for information about her workshops on this and other topics or to invite her to speak to your organization.