Practice the easy part of stress management
Stress for Success
January 22, 2008

"It's easier said than done," is something I hear frequently about stress management recommendations.

I've been teaching this subject for over 20 years and have discovered that most people don’t want to do the hard work of stress reduction -- challenging your interpretation of stressful situations. Most of your stress isn’t from what happens to you but rather from how you interpret it. Stress is in the mind of the beholder.

For example, you're stressed by a coworker’s near-constant negativity. "She drives me nuts!” you complain. "Somebody put a sock in her mouth!" This implies that she's making you stressed and she should change.

However, she's not the cause of your stress. Your interpretation of her negativity is what’s driving you nuts.

By not admitting that we’re causing much of our stress, we avoid the difficult work of challenging our thinking; it’s not easy. So it's true, stress management advice is easier said than done.

When you're not willing to consider that you’re the source of your own stress, the minimum you can do is to practice stress management basics, including:
§ Schedule daily rest breaks in proportion to the amount of stress you experience so your mind and body can recover. If you experience chronic stress (elevated stress that lasts month after month) it's even more important that you schedule multiple Stress Breaks into your daily life, such as a few seconds of deep breathing several times a day, 20 to 30 minutes of deep relaxation numerous times a week, a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise several times a week, a good night’s sleep on a regular basis, etc. Practicing enough Stress Breaks protects you from the ravages of stress.

Appreciating Stress Breaks’ benefits also leads to a greater perception of control (more self efficacy, which I wrote about last week), automatically lowering your overall stress.
§ Limit exaggerated thinking. Where ever your thoughts are going that's where you are going. Your aggravated and judgmental thoughts about your colleague mean you’re going towards stress. To lower your stress it's better to think about her in a problem-solving way like, "What are my options in dealing with her negativity?" Because she’s beyond your control your options must be ones that are within your control versus expecting her to change.
§ This requires an understanding and an acceptance regarding what’s within and what’s beyond your control regarding your stressor. In essence, everything about everybody else is beyond your control; their personalities, habits and reactions. Your choice of reactions is within your control. That’s why your only options for dealing with your negative coworker are ones that require you do something different, like not letting her bother you or gossiping with others about her, versus hoping she'll change.

You'd be wise when your thinking is very emotional and exaggerated to assume that you’re part of the problem and to challenge your thinking. In the meantime, by practicing these stress management basics you’ll at least lower your stress and facilitate doing the hard work of stress reduction when you’re ready to challenge your interpretations.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.