Shop for gift of reason
Stress for Success
December 18, 2007


Think about what you’re buying vs. what you need
There are only seven more shopping days until Christmas! You'd better hurry!

Or so Madison Avenue would have you believe. But before you buy another gift for your kids, consider this research.

Lan Nguyen Chaplin of the University of Illinois and Deborah Roedder John of the University of Minnesota found that materialistic values, like preferring "nice sports equipment" to "being good at sports", increases between the ages of eight and nine, and 12 and 13. And it’s not surprising that children with low self-esteem value possessions much more than kids with higher self-esteem.

So if you want to give your kids the best Christmas gift ever, spend more time with them and teach them something new, which enhances their competence thus their self-esteem.

Deprivation can also lead to excessive materialism like for those who felt inadequate growing up in a poor household. On the opposite end of the economic scale, if money, status and image were very important to your parents, you may be more materialistic than your friends.

We’re also brainwashed by the media to buy, buy, buy. Advertisers imply greater happiness if you buy their product; has that ever worked for you? Doubtful.

Judith Levine, author of “Not buying it: my year without shopping”, bought only the necessities for an entire year. She not only saved $8,000 she also spent more time with friends and did more meaningful work. She said she felt liberated and also lonely and bored because she couldn’t do things that cost money but still had to replace her shopper’s “high”.

To cut back on buying things Levine recommends:
▪ Research the history and craftsmanship behind products to help you develop your own tastes versus advertisers’.
▪ When you obsess about shopping distract yourself with non-shopping activities, like exercising, reading or volunteering.
▪ See yourself less as a consumer and more as one who pursues what brings you passion and joy. When you spend, do it on what truly makes you happy in the long run versus the short run.

Also, think before you pull out your credit card:
▪ Differentiate between what you “want” and “need”. You need to eat to survive; you want an expensive meal at that trendy new restaurant.
▪ Before you buy something, weight the possible disadvantages versus the benefits of owning it.
▪ Ask yourself why you want something. If it’s to lift your spirits remember if it works at all it works only temporarily. If it's to improve your status remind yourself that extrinsic rewards (e.g., the sporting equipment) don’t work. Intrinsic rewards (e.g., developing your athletic skills) create true self-esteem.

With this year’s less stable economy it’s a good time to reevaluate your spending habits. Don't buy just for the sake of buying. Instead of racing around madly searching for the perfect gift that’s too soon forgotten and too little appreciated, why not spend time with that person doing something interesting as their Christmas gift instead? It won’t be as good for the economy but it’ll be much better for yours.

Jacquelyn Ferguson, M. S., of InterAction Associates, is a trainer and a Stress Coach. E-mail her at www.jackieferguson.com with your questions or for information about her workshops on this and other topics and to invite her to speak to your organization.